I feel like I'm the mole in that whack-a-mole game - every time I try put my head back up after another disaster, I get whacked back down.
It will be 3 weeks on Tuesday since Chuck died (suddenly, probably a stroke, he was 53). Just to give a little background, in 1998, our 14 mo old son, Jordan, died from a genetic disease. As a way to cope, he protected me. I mean, really, really protected me. He did everything - grocery shopping, cooking, all the upkeep on the house and cars. I think I was still in a depression over Jordan, I slept a lot But I put on my big girl panties and I'm dealing with my new life - I'm sleeping less, I'm cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, blah blah blah. What I should have been doing all along.
But anyway, it just seems like everything is happening. I've read to go easy on myself, do one thing a day, but life won't let me. I have to deal with insurance (calling for an appt tomorrow to apply for obamacare/medicaid/CHIP), I have to find an income (social security appt on July 17), I have to put up a front for my kids (because they were too upset seeing me upset all the time), my mom is still living with me (I know the longer she stays, the harder it will be to let her go home), the lawn mower broke, prescription ran out and can't fill it cuz I have no insurance, the dryer is trying to break, the dog & the cat are acting up...
I went to church today, I've been going for the past 3 weeks - I feel peace there, so I think it's good for me, and we have been active in the church so everyone knows us. And so many people want to help, and I know it helps them grieve to help me. But I don't know what to tell them, how they can help! Should I make a list and carry it with me? I can't make it through the grocery store without Ativan, so I'm really struggling with the household upkeep, I don't KNOW what needs done. I just want to grieve for my husband. But I have to keep pushing it away. Everyone and everything wants a piece of me.
Now I'm wondering about probate & estate - do I need a lawyer? Why isn't there a guide - newly widowed for dummies? He didn't leave a will. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.