Dark Rose

His name is Waqas, Sohna,Qazoo, Wazoo, Baby.... His name is Waqas, my Qaz

Thankyou...needed this. I have been so numb and disconnected. There is no color and soul in anything.....

Once again thank you everyone. Had a major breakdown last night, felt so very alone and misunderstood. . Feeling tired today as usual. This is a never ending doom and is so much more then missing my husband. I am tired of doing the motions. I am glad people understand here, I appreciate all of you

Thanks everyone... I know everyone here understands. I am so exhausted.

I am tired of waking up to this colorless world. I don't even know who I am anymore. Nothing has meaning not one darn thing. I was running, and still am in a fog. But I am tired of taking it day by day. Constantly living in panic, constantly. He was the one person that understood everything about me, even my silence. He knew what I needed when I needed it. He knew be better then I knew myself. I am tired of getting up every morning and noticing that the sun is out even though he isn't here with me. I am tired of people asking how I am and me saying i'm fine, and them believing me. I am just tired of everything, my heart is tired, my brain is tired, I am so drained. I just want my husband back, I am so incomplete and lost here without him.. Constantly playing a character in a movie only I star in, a sad movie, a movie of heartbreak...a doom that only I see. Don't really understand how the world is moving right along, when I feel so lost? I have to fake it when in public, the lack of understanding is just painful... there is no soul in anything...nothing but my tears are real.

Chevygirl: I am also 23, and now back with my parents ... I have no children. This is so hard I am still in shock. I am happy that you found us, it has been helpful to feel understood. Everyone here is great and understanding, keep posting and feel free to pm if you like!

The fog is really difficult to live in, and this shock just makes everything very dream like. Nothing is making sense, and I worry for when it will. It is encouraging that you are now at a better place. Thank you for listening. I will come back and write on this forum when I need.

that sounds like me... still feeling the shock, and feeling the need to stop myself whenever I have to imagine that my love is far away now. I am glad that there is online support. It helps when someone is using words that I could have said myself..

thank you! It feels better to know that there are people that understand. I appreciate the hugs!

I am feeling all of these things, extremely scared and unable to address what seems to have happened. It seems easier to pretend... thank you for your kind words...

thank you for your kind words that is how i'm feeling numb mostly and in a fog, and when it does seem to sit in, I panic and try to run again. This is so exhausting.....

this is my first post... I haven't been doing well. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I don't seem to know how to react, all of this feels so surreal. I feel like a zombie, detached and not within my self. Don't recognize my self anymore.... I lost my husband very suddenly and the fog has been controlling me. I haven't been functioning and I don't know how to address what has happened. I look for ways to run from my situation, and just believe that if I am not thinking, that I will wake up and this will be gone.I try and pretend nothing is wrong, because even in the moments I start to sit and think about what has happened, I start to shake. I don't have support, and I am feeling very overwhelmed. I am feeling constantly panic and unease.... and there is a pain in my chest that I don't know how much longer I can avoid. I don't know what to do, but I just don't want to do this. I want to sleep forever and never wake up again..... this is far too hard, and I don't understand.... I just don't understand.