THATgurl

Thank you wife less. Much love to y'all

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I'll be right here, Mikey

Go berzerk

To m Totally kidding. Miss and love this community. Sorry to see we are one soul down currently. Hopefully that will right itself. I say this first to myself and then to those I greatly respect and admire (and sometimes want to clean the floor with) - being right is all well and good (usually) but sometimes an illusion or based on situation and circumstance. In other words, timing and presentation can be m-effing everything.

Again, Torn, I think it would be good if you would reach out to someone in your local community about your living situation. If you are unsure who to contact, I am happy to try to help you figure that out through private messages. If the situation is indeed abusive or bordering on volatile, you need help. If you need help, it is really important to take the first steps toward getting that help. I am also not quite sure what the exact problem is with the recent situation, but it is clearly distressing for you. I am sorry you are experiencing that. Wishing you peace and comfort throughout the holidays.

Torn, I am so sorry you are going through all of this - what a difficult situation. If possible, I would like to chat with you a bit in private messages to see if a bit more information about yourself and your family allows me to offer some type of advice or words of support. Please send me a PM if you feel comfortable doing so. Thanks and peace to you.

Sorry, all (serpico included!) - I obviously have some hangups and issues about terminology based on my (and many of my young wid friends') complicated situation (example: in my State, DH was on my insurance based on our legal status and I was allowed to make medical decisions, but I wasn't allowed to take him off of my medical insurance or to get his medical records to prove that he was dead so he could be off my insurance, because we weren't married - dealing with the logistical aftermath of his death was absurd and nightmarish, and felt like several slaps in the face when I could least handle them). I'm clearly a bit oversensitive to this (still, 4 1/2 years later!) and that's no one's fault here, and I'm sorry for inflicting it on you! Carry on. I'll be chill, I promise. Personally, I don't think you are oversensitive at all. I probably worded my thoughts poorly. I know you went through some very rough stuff and I am so sorry that happens to you or anyone. Over my years chatting with widdas, the "who is a widow" conversation never goes well and, for this group, likely leads to loss of some members and less frequent posting from others. I personally think the reason it goes so poorly is that people tend to come at the issue from one of three perspectives (though they blur to some extent) - religious, legal, and societal recognition type things. My personal opinion is that people are entitled to their own personal beliefs in terms of religion and if a group has diverse membership, that reality should be respected within the group. Of course, not everyone agrees with me there. On the legal side of things it can all just be a huge mess and I believe lots of reform is needed. In terms of societal recognition type stuff - another big mess, but I am not really sure why either of Kim K's marriages should be regarded as having more worth or value than Goldie Hawn's long-term, committed relationship.

I would like to clarify that I should have said I am not a fan of marriage FOR MYSELF. This does not and did not impact my ability to commit for the long haul nor does it lessen the worth, value, or meaning of my relationship. A good example of what I am talking about is Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel who have been together for over 30 years. I very much respect people who have a different view on that and who place great importance on a marriage ceremony and vows for themselves. I expect the same in return in a civil and mutually supportive conversation. To clarify again - the legal and dictionary definition of a widow/er is someone who has lost a spouse. Two people can become spouses without any type of marriage ceremony or exchange of vows. Interestingly, even in the United States things that would make people spouses in one jurisdiction might not in another jurisdiction (eg common law marriage). Restricting the use of the term widow/er to those who have had a marriage ceremony in which they exchange vows is no more in line with the legal and dictionary definitions than extending the use of the term to include those who don't meet the criteria to be legally classified as widow/ers. I totally agree that we should not be attempting to one up each other in terms of whose grief is worse - it is all just terrible. I also really wish we didn't get caught up in discussions of who should be called a widow/er. I think the community consensus in recent history is that this is a group for "widdas" and that people are not just tolerated as long as they know their place sort of thing, but rather are accepted as full members of the community with equal worth and value.

Listening to this beautiful album and thought this would be fitting here. May well bring tears. Stop all the Clocks - Nemo Shaw

imissdow my thoughts are with you on this and I hope you find a path to peace with it all soon. While we come from very different places in terms of belief, I would just like to second the recommendations for the first two books mentioned - Why Bad Things Happen to Good People and Wherever You Go, There You Are (I have not read the other books mentioned). I approach reading these types of books with the thought that I can embrace and incorporate any parts that fit with my beliefs into my life. What doesn't work for me, I read with more detached interest. Both books were really beneficial for me personally.

Tragic news for Ms. Dockery and all their loved ones. Always sad to see another so young join our ranks. My thoughts go out to Ms. Dockery tonight on her 34 birthday as she prepares to lay her love to rest tomorrow. May the holidays go gently for the families.

Hey y'all - quoting myself from another fun time the group had this conversation fairly recently with very minor editing. I know it can be very hard to do in times of deep sadness and grief, but please try to remember that we don't have to give random strangers on the internet the power to tear us down. No one is going to turn back (or speed up for that matter) the hands of time or societal evolution by trying to impose their own thoughts and beliefs on everyone in a widow/er support group. MOST MEMBERS of this group will respond to posts made by people who identify themselves as widowed with kindness and respect despite any differences they may have. Some won't for some reason. I feel sorry for them. Happy Holidays and Frohe Weihnachten (happy blessed or holy nights)

This is such great news - huge congrats Maddalena and best wishes for years of happiness. Nice to hear from you as well.

HEYA DIAH!!!!! Seasons greetings to you

HEYA MISSINGSQUISH!!! Come back if you are still around!

Fantastic news! Break a leg, Ms. Sugarbell

I do have to say that this term does seem to have become fairly commonplace and from what I know it does not tend to carry the connotations many of us here seem to attribute to it. I may be wrong, but it usually seems to me that people are using it where people would have said "very attractive" years ago and "smoking hot" in the not too distant past. I really dislike the term, personally, but I don't think people typically mean it the way I hear it. That said, I am disgusted that a "boss" would say this to an 18 year old about their mother. I know kids will say it to each other ("your mom's a total MILF"), but a boss saying it to an 18 year old - IDK. I am assuming he is considerably older than her when I have this fairly strong negative reaction, but I am not entirely sure that matters? I guess I am just rambling away trying to say that I think your reaction makes perfect sense BUT I would not assume that this man meant anything more than "your mom is stunning".

DALnet is back as an option on Mibbit too. I am in. Sorry for the fear mongering

I'm in chat now if anyone cares to join. Incidentally, I came in through kiwi as dal.net did not work and dal net was not an option to be selected from Mibbit. Anyone know what's up with that?

SQUEE! I am getting excited seeing people interested So I guess if some people are interested the next question would be WHEN? Please voice your opinions if you are thinking about this and would have your heart set on a specific event. If people are flexible, I tend to agree with TooSoon - Jazz Fest is a blast, but is crowded and pricey. My preference might be to select a weekend where not much is going on and just enjoy each other and the city. Weather-wise, I am eyeing the block of time between Mardi Gras and Jazz Fest (So any time between the weekend of February 13 and the weekend of April 15). But really, I'm easy Everyone who is seriously considering the adventure, please mull it over and throw your favored timeframe(s) into the ring. Thanks!

Also thinking of you and sending hugs and peace.

The Big Easy Bago? Bago on the Bayou? Walking to New Orleans? I have reason to hit New Orleans in 2016 and was wondering if there would be any interest in making a bago of it. If people are interested, I am quite flexible on the timing of things. New Orleans is fantastic absolutely any time of the year. They also have some huge great events, though those can draw huge crowds and also drive up prices. Give me a shout if you have any interest in heading on down to The Big Easy for a little Widda bonding. Below I have listed some of the big draws in 2016, but again an off time might be better in some ways too. Jan 23 - Feb 9 (Fat Tuesday) - Mardi Gras March 4 - 6 - Spring Fiesta (think open houses and garden tours March 11 - 20 - St. Patrick's Day (Yes they do! They party for TEN WHOLE DAYS in honor of St. Pat down in The Big Easy) April 7 - 10 - French Quarter Festival (Music and food) April 22 - May 1 - JAZZ FEST!!!!!! June ??? - New Orleans Oyster Festival (this one likely only sounds good to me and maybe one other person LOL) June 8 - 12 - New Orleans Food and Wine Experience June 25 - 26 - Cajun Zydeco Festival August 4 - 7 - Satchmo Summer (Louis Armstrong Festival) Oct 31 - HALLOWEEN IN NEW ORLEANS Oct 30 - Nov 1 - Voodoo Music and Art Experience

Sending you loads of hugs and support. I think not only is he proud of you, but you should be very proud of yourself. Burial, whenever it takes place, is a very difficult part of the grieving process for most of us, but it can also give a big sense of closure and of permission to move forward. I very much agree with you about the fact that we are each on our own timeline. Sometimes that means that we might go through a difficult part of the process far later than many others do. This is a huge step that could well help you past that feeling of being stuck. At the same time, it is a huge step and it makes perfect sense that it would be quite difficult. Wishing you peace.