THATgurl

This is surely a multifaceted issue and it does seem to me the Widda community might be able to give more useful opinions and suggestions if we had a bit more information (if you are comfortable with that). In my eyes, some locations are fairly transient by nature while some rarely see comings and goings. On top of that, some families are more transient and spread out while other families have nary a member that has ever moved away from "home" for even a short period of time. The answers to these types of questions are far from simple and will depend on all types of variables. From what you said, it sounds as though you might be saying that your family is rooted in your current community for generations and there was little expectation that anyone would be moving away. If that is the case, it may well be that even if you move, your kids will return once they are out on their own. You also say that you were thinking of moving in with your husband next spring when the transition would be better for your four kids (which I am reading to mean that you and your children would be relocating to Idaho). I am not entirely sure why the transition would be better for the three younger ones outside of the fact they would have some time to adjust to the change and would not be moving in the middle of a school year. While those are both important factors and worthy of consideration, in my opinion those issues are likely more manageable than some of the other issues you may possibly be facing. Wishing you the best with whatever decisions you make here.

It's Saturday and we're dusting off the disco ball here in the chat room. Stop in if you like.

How can the years be so long and so short all at once? Sending love, peace, happiness and cherished memories.

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Thanks guys! Thanks Bluebird! You all are such a fantastic support. New experiences in adulting can be daunting. : A wise ear and/or a guiding hand work wonders.

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I'm getting through some emails and other exciting adventures. Would not mind being a bit distracted from the task at all. Will be in chat... you just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running (once I notice of course, give me a few )

I just logged into chat. I am just grabbing something to snack on and will be there in a few minutes if anyone wants to join me.

LOL you guys are really making me think. Sex with him was, well, fantastic. I pretty much never think of that. I miss how his neck smelled. I miss the way his eyes would light up when he saw me in the subway crowd after a days work. I miss him rubbing my head. I think about those things without effort. Sigh.

I am just snort laughing and probably should crawl back in the hole I crawled out of (and even that sounds dirty lol).

So can I back up the bus a bit and be "that girl"? I think my grandma would say that the spiritual connection and the commitment spiritually and emotionally greatly outweighs anything else. I think gamma would possibly wash all of our mouths out with soap. I am not saying this is a generational thing entirely, as I have friends who are similar in their thoughts. I like sex LOL I need to understand the terms, but "sex" is not the same to me as "spiritual and life partner"

I saw it. And I am guffawing in my diet coke. I think maybe that was the goal? Not sure

Gracie - just a big hug. We have divergent beliefs and I have a few decades on ya That said, my gamma left this earth this month. Her dying words lead me to believe you can, indeed, send on messages. Yet I don't believe that AT ALL, so why? Not sure. Sending love and support.

I spit soda. Nuff said. I think that I JUST DON'T KNOW. When my life was a bit in the dumpster, I made some choices that brought my life deeper into the dumpster. I do not regret that at all, but I would not make the same choices a second time. Sex with him? DANG yeah! That was not a priority then and is not one now. I am kind of an overall giving person (in my odd little way). People who are in my life day to day get this. Moving forward, I want to make sure there is not a drain on any one person. I know that health can change that faster than you can say "What the F..."

Rooshy I am a bit behind the times, but you just gave me a big grin Here to end an ear - but it sounds like you are knocking it out of the park so to speak. You go girl.

You brought tears to my eyes. How do we go on from this? How do we deal? Reality is that somehow we do. That truth should not take away from your experience of reality. It is beyond difficult and I am wishing you all the best.

Sigh. I much appreciate all y'all. I know I don't show it right, but you are invaluable to me. I guess I kicked around this joint enough.

i need help from a finance person. Nothing detailed. Due to a recent death in the family and other odd circumstances, I need to talk to someone. I know, I am like the belle of the ball. LOL. No joke, I kinda need an ear.

lilchicken!!!! No words, huge hugs.

No matter how you slice it, it is a shit sandwich that no one should have to deal with. One reality is that as survivors, we are also at far greater risk statistically. I do totally agree that providing better channels for help and safety in known high risk situations would be a brilliant step.

So, I am still banging on about this in my head. I was going to just keep it all to myself, but I truly believe the road to a better reality is reasonable communication. That said, maybe my thoughts will help someone (even if they are just telling me how wrong I am LOL). Throughout my time in life and as a member of widow forums, I am more able to understand why my line of thinking is not always right. My life experience, education, personal reality etc lead me to the view that suicide is not situational. When I am having a really good day and suddenly realize I am sitting on the toilet (TMI I know) saying out loud "I just want to die. I just need to end this". I can't really explain that. I know that he had made multiple attempts and when he succeeded all neutral observers (who were clued into what matters) said his future never looked brighter. That is far and away different than a situational incident, right? So if we want to help those like him or those like me of the world, we do one thing. We discuss and raise awareness and destigmatize so that people feel capable of seeking help. The butter-down side of the toast is that by doing so, we normalize this very destructive behavior to some extent. That may well greatly harm someone who is going through a transient crisis. Some of you may realize this thought process can be applied to various societal issues. Some of you will say "huh"?

This is a really interesting post. This is an issue I have been thinking about A LOT recently. I am far from up to date on the current research, but I was fairly up to date several years ago. I also have an unfortunate amount of personal experience to draw upon (which means nothing, as it is just mine). Here is the issue to me - as a society we really should not condemn or cast aside people who have no choice. The fact that people take their own lives is a reality and it has been a reality throughout recorded history. Obviously, the vast majority of us want to prevent that when possible. But HOW? This may surprise many who know me well, but I totally agree that there is a tendency for the "understanding" or "awareness" movements to normalize the behavior. Obviously, that makes it a more viable "choice" for some. Clearly a bad societal model. However, for some it is not about choice - not at all. Some people will feel unworthy of drawing breath and will "correct" the problem regardless of societal views. So, the question to me becomes "how do we HELP those who clearly are at risk without normalizing a clearly destructive behavior". Anyway, I have been thinking A LOT about this over the past few months for a variety of reasons. If i ever say anything that makes your skin crawl, chat with me a bit more. I really do feel lately like 90% of "disagreements" or conflicts of opinion are based on incomplete communication. Of course, i am sure I am wrong about that

Offshoot but related topic here - I AM a suicidal person. In the past, I have not been in a place to discuss that coherently. I am currently eyes wide open and well aware and am happy to discuss this issue publicly or privately. Feeling unworthy of life is not an easy thing to discuss. But I think we as a society need to if we hope to help that segment of society. ETA young widows are clearly and undeniably disportionally impacted by this issue. ETA2 - y'all old timers know this is a rare and unusual window, so manage your time wisely before I fly back round the looney bend

I am really glad to see you all talking about this. As one of those "off people" who tends toward suicidal AND as the survivor of suicide, I really don't feel that this topic can be discussed enough to satisfy me personally. I also randomly have a murder-suicide in my "extended family". FLAT OUT - your orange shirt will not prevent me from feeling unworthy of existence. Nor will anyone's donation, marching in a group activity etc. What is the benefit? Increased understanding and awareness. Understanding, awareness and a common ground - that is the goal. That is why everyone dumped ice water on their heads, right? Imperfect world, imperfect solutions. Hopefully we get closer to the goal - common understanding.