DansSoulmate

This is my second Christmas without Dan and am spending Christmas eve with my daughter's in-laws then Christmas with my new grandson and both daughters and son in laws. Last year I was still in shock so this year I feel the absence much more but am going to power through this. I hope everyone has a peaceful holiday.

1. Took both daughters to brunch and a holiday theatre matinee performance. We are going to make this a yearly tradition. 2. Stores are open 24 hours so I shopped at midnight on Friday with no crowds and finished my shopping. I was able to get a present gift wrapped for free at one store so less to wrap. 3. Spent 5 hours Saturday reconnecting with a high school classmate who lives near my new home. She grew up with Dan so it was fabulous to reminisce.

North carolina, recently relocated from Greensboro to the Raleigh area and absolutely loving it!! We have several very active widows meet up groups here that are wonderful.

At 14 months out and going into my second holiday season, I have found that making a strong effort to begin new traditions has lessened the sadness. Perhaps do something you have never done before such as volunteering or taking a quick trip to somewhere special. But what keeps me going is the knowledge that I am truly blessed to see each sunrise and sunset..that's a wonderful gift. Happy thanksgiving to everyone!

I certainly can relate, we sold the house in Illinois to move to north Carolina just in the nick of time to enable us to get our money out of it. It was sad as we designed and oversaw every aspect of the design and construction but the area was in decline. I have now sold the house we built here in North Carolina that had lots of sweat equity but it's been a really important step forward for me in my journey. Yes its been scary/terrifying with several intense moments of second guessing but at this point in the process I'm absolutely confident it's what i needed to do. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

I think you made the right decision. I too live in the country and last february i had a good size tree fall across my road to the house. Dan had bought a fancy Stihl chainsaw a few months before he died so it's a good size piece of equipment. I cleared as much as I could on my own and called someone who had experience with a chainsaw. As soon as he took a look at it he recognized it needed some adjustments before he used it. He also had enough experience to know how to work it to prevent it from getting stuck. In my opinion it's really a task for someone with lots of experience. But I'm a city girl raised on an air force base, so the weed eater and cub cadet are the only tools I've even considered using in dan's collection. Good luck!

So, I do believe it's really important to get out there even it is just with guy friends right now. Just think maybe your future new guy is a friend of a friend who you would only meet if you show up somewhere? Be brave! I recently described the experience at a music/dance venue for "mature adults" as an 8th grade dance..ladies huddled in one area and guys on the other side. Lucky for me I was there with a real extrovert so it wasn't a problem, she was all over the place making small talk. My advice..get a sidekick who has too much self confidence and go have a good time!

Best wishes to you! I'm at the tail end of repairs, decluttering, and packing after selling my house and it has been a lot of work but well worth it. We actually moved here to ensure both my girls received an excellent education and it was the best decision we ever made in our lives. It absolutely set our kids up for much success in their chosen careers. I hate to think how different their lives would have been had we stayed put and had them attend schools that were just not up to par. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Wow, how shockingly insensitive and naive (not to mention laughable) to think a replacement spouse fixes everything. I believe that ties must be cut or minimally distance needs to be put between you and anyone who continually brings pain into your life. Take care of yourself!

I think this is a wonderful idea and if you haven't treated yourself to some pampering you should put it on your list of things to do. I was fortunate to receive gift cards that have helped defray the cost and in one case it was free because the student needed the hours. Beyond touch though there is another helpful aspect for me and that's just warmth and the transfer of positive energy. I remember early on sitting in a movie theater next to a big burly guy who was really warm (like a furnace) so I moved my arm closer to his to catch the warmth, lol. But I think massages, facials, pedicures, and manicures are just a start for taking care of yourself in this stressful time. I think other tools such as meditation and aromatherapy, among others, can be useful too.

On Sunday, 9/27/15, it will be the first anniversary of Dan?s death so I wanted to share my thoughts and reflections about the last year in a unique way..using the letters of his name. D is for determination to fight through the pain and to find the strength to take on each day with as much confidence, courage and fearlessness as I can find A is for adaptability to adjust my path in life and be open to new things recognizing that so much is beyond our control N is for neutrality to stop participating in conflict and hateful behavior to begin to achieve a much more peaceful life I is for innovation and flexibility to confront challenges and, most importantly, change head on E is for endurance to continue the personal growth and development that occurs as we all inevitably evolve and transform into someone else who now has been through a very painful and devastating life experience L is for love to share it, never take it for granted and to be grateful for it It?s hard for me to believe it?s been a year since I started this awful journey, so much has changed. But, by taking it one day at a time, trying my best to stay positive and keeping my head up, I am doing alright?not wonderful or awesome, just alright and that works for now. As we all pass through these anniversaries/milestones, whether it be weeks, months or years, I wish everyone on this board positive thoughts, many blessings and peace as you travel along your own path.

I wanted to share that I just finished "American Wife" by Taya Kyle, Chris Kyle's widow, and have so much respect for her. Her thoughts on the grief process really resonated with me. While I have had a tough time this last year, reading her story certainly reminded me that others have far bigger challenges in their grief journey.

Much like brenda, early on I began dispositioning dan's items first starting with his business assets and then took a break for a few months. Within the last few months I've been finishing up as I'll be moving in a few months. I'm glad I started early with the business assets because they were specialty items with a rather small market of potential buyers. I did it all myself so that I would know who bought each item and it was great meeting them. Each item went to just the right person so it actually turned out to be very healing. At a year in a few weeks, I'm in the final phase of decluttering. I've saved out several clothing items to make memory pieces and the rest went to a nonprofit. For me it has taken a year but I think once you start, it will get easier.

My absolute favorite quote right now: There?s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It?s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. Gretchen Kemp

A few others..the girls and I recently painted an old dresser that dan and i stained 25 years ago with chalk paint and then put new pewter pulls on it. It looks brand new and adorable in the nursery. I also am a big fan of spray paint to breath new life into yard ornaments. I'm finding that being proactive with maintenance is much less expensive in the long run with appliances, mechanicals in the house and cars. I'm very proactive when it comes to controlling pests and bugs..big fan of seven dust, mouse poison, and bug spray to keep a "no pest" perimeter around my house. If you have ever made contact with a carpenter ant then you understand