Taurus

Newbie here. Stumbled through the batting doors drenched in a shitstorm of grief, and have made myself comfy by the fire  8)

I just got the news this morning that my mom has breast cancer.  Fuck Cancer!!! In 2008 it took my Dad, 2013 it took Tim.  I know lots of women survive breast cancer and it seems to be caught early but right now all I hear is CANCER.  I can't do this again.  I'm not strong enough.  My kids can't do this again. FUCK!!!

I too have a pathological hatred of this pernicious disease!! My beloved's best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer in March, and she had the operation to remove the tumour in April. Two weeks later, she noticed a mole on her calf muscle which she asked to be tested, and yes, it was melanoma - so off it came too. She's now halfway through her radiation round for her breast cancer and feedback from her oncologist is good.

Wishing you and your mum all the best...

Good for you...and for the octogenarian 

I'm very glad I stumbled into this forum - it's the only one I've joined, even though I'm at the bottom of the globe. It's great to be part of a group whose diverse members know exactly what each of us is feeling over the loss of our soulmates.

Sounds like you feel you're home. Wishing you all the happiness in this phase of your journey.

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Regardless of if I ever run into him again it's been fun having a crush...who knew?

Hahaha..you go girl!!

.. But I only give my number when I feel we have enough in common..

Maybe they perceive that you come across as too keen and that scares them away..not necessarily a bad thing since you wouldn't be interested in anyone who gets cold feet so easily!  8)

I have no experience with online dating, but sms and emails make it far too easy for people to say things they may not say face-to-face. It's not your fault...you're better off.

My beloved's birthday is 6th February which is a public holiday in NZ. We'll continue to celebrate her birthday as if she were still with us, until I join her.

..I hate that I am now the person who goes around and closes all the windows, closes up the garage, and checks to make sure the cars are locked before bed.

You "hate" it because it's the last thing at night at the end of the day which reminds you so much of him. Instead of hating it, why not look at it as your own private time with him, as if saying to him "See? I'm carrying on and doing your chores because you're not here..."

My beloved always got up in the morning to prepare breakfast for the girls, and she never went to bed before her kitchen was spotless...it was just something she did. Now, I get up early to prepare breakfast and stay up late to tidy up and leave the kitchen spotless. I enjoy it because it's my private time to think about and to remember her, not so much with sadness as with an acknowledgement, love and appreciation of how special she is in our lives.

Congratulations, you're well on the way now. Golfers appear to be an aloof species but they have an esprit de corps which unites them regardless of playing abilities or socio-economic differences.

Pinot Noir...

Pet hate day: Sunday or Monday?

My beloved was taken from us on Friday 23/03/2015, and our 30th anniversary was the following Monday but as far as I'm concerned we celebrated 35 anniversaries.

Still hurts like hell :'(

Ok, date from last night changed to Tuesday night . So I will let you all know how that goes. However , chatted with another online seemed nice , pics good. Then he sends me a recent one thru my phone.. Um Ok , the pictures online are easy 10 years old based on his recent ! Geez... I hate online !

Doncha know cameras add 10 years on to the subjects...or is that kilograms??  :-\

he has stood me up twice thinking of blocking him.

 

I would block any man that stood me up - you can do so much better.

He's got an excuse: he's only got one leg!!  ;D

...unless she meant he has one he doesn't walk on LOL!!

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Anyone else experience this?

Yep, I do it all the time and it certainly helps with the emptiness inside me. When I want to go visit her resting place, I just tell our daughters I'm going to visit mum and it's perfectly natural to say it, and our girls do the same thing.

I don't contemplate having someone else replace my beloved soulmate. I don't do online dating, I prefer to meet people in real life in social environments, and I've several opportunities to evolve potential friendships but I'm always up front that I'm just not looking for any relationships, short or long term. Maybe in time, just not in the foreseeable future..

Carry on as you are...

I would set your cat on to the rude little girl :-)

...He was actually pretty cool about it...

Sounds like he was ready to do it to you but didn't have the fortitude to do it. You've taken the hard step...you'll know when you've met the one you deserve.

Good luck and be staunch.

Great idea. To make it a fun day, make it an Ambrose event for teams of 4 or 6 depending on the number of people who enter. This is a great format if you're expecting a lot of non-golfers.

First things first:

1: Course, Date and Time: You've got this sorted.

2: Cost: Check with the course how much they will charge you per player. Negotiate with them on the basis that they will sell a lot of refreshments. Consider food/snacks for the players.

3: Prizes

3.1: Decide on what type of prizes you wish to provide as this will determine how much you can charge people to play. People usually play for the fun element of an Ambrose event, with bragging rights on the line;

3.2: Get a trophy in your husband's memory, awarded to the best score on the day, and awarded to winners each year thereafter. You can decide in due course whether the best score is Gross or Net - your organising committee/group can decide this.

3.3: Seek prizes from local companies or people willing to sponsor. Or ask players to donate prizes - you'd be surprised at how many people have stuff in their garages and attics they've hoarded and forgotten about.

4: Organising Group

Find 3-4 people from the golf club or friends who must be golfers to help you organise and run the event for you. They need to be golfers so they know the proper process for doing the draws, tee allocation, handicapping (especially if there are a lot of non-golfers playing, etc..

These are just some of the higher-level matters you need to organise. It sounds like a lot of work but it can also be a lot of fun. To really get some traction with your local community, you may want to consider a local charity you can target in your husband's name and make the golf tournament a fund-raiser for the charity. That's when you can really pull in the sponsorship.

Good luck. Drop me a message if you want to explore other options. In case you haven't guessed, I play golf... :-)

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Do I gladly accept the part of her time and attention and love that I can get, or do I say it is all or nothing and risk losing all of her.  There must be other people who have had to deal with this

 

A

Sounds like you've belatedly come to realise that your relationship with her has evolved into something more than you had planned - at least from your end, if not necessarily from hers. You have to admire her honesty in telling you about her FWB.

If her revelation hurts you, you must decide whether the hurt of not knowing (her not telling you any further dalliances) is worth the heartache. She wants to "enjoy her freedom": that's a pretty clear-cut statement of her immediate priorities, with you providing the emotional "comfort".

Let her go, mate. Now that she's had a bite of the apple, you need to confirm to yourself whether you can move beyond it. If you can't, move on.

Beautiful...congratulations and all the very best wishes on your second special day.

Widen your dating catchment area and move on. Why would you want to take on someone else's package? If he's got "anxiety" issues, tell him to go see a shrink. It's your life...live it.

Change is hard for kids.  But kids are also so resilient.  I hope her entry into the new school goes smoothly.

 

I can really relate to planting yourself back where you wanted out.  I returned to the area where I grew up when I got pregnant - the place I spent my whole life up to 18 trying to escape.  And now I'm raising my daughter here.  It's funny how you see it differently, see the good in it, once you've left....  "Who says you can't go home?"  Good luck!  Look forward to hearing all about this new adventure for you and your family.

Roots...

I just got offered the position. I start June 6 and am so over the moon excited for the new challenge!

Well-deserved. Well done...

Congratulations to you all for a very happy future.

Don't forget to invite us to the virtual house-warming party.

Hahaha, enjoy moving back to the future. Sounds like the return of the prodigal daughter..you deserve nothing less...

Enjoy..