Taurus

Hi Minny, Thank you for sharing. My Debs was taken 3 days before our 30th wedding anniversary, so I have the double-whammy of the anniversary of her passing followed 3 days later by our wedding anniversary. The pain is there in the background, like an ache you learn to live with. It's funny how easy and very clearly I remember some of the places and things we did, whether prompted by a piece of music or song, or a scent. My biggest fear is that I would forget what she looks and sounds like. I've kept her cellphone connection live and her social media account live where our daughters and friends keep posting photos or anecdotes on anniversaries of trips, dance competitions, sports, etc. I'm not religious but our daughters and I were just chilling and reminiscing about their mum a couple of weeks back, and I said without thinking that I'd be really annoyed if when I eventually joined her wherever she is, only to find she's hooked up with someone else LOL!! The girls and I looked at one another and cracked up laughing. I agree completely with an expectation and acceptance of a life, however much of it is left, without Debs. I'm not sure whether I'll ever experience again the type of happiness I shared with her, with anyone else. Even now when I'm with friends socialising, I tend to find myself stand-offish - I'm an only child so have always been very comfortable in my own company. Our young daughter is off to University next year and I'll be on my own til school holidays, so I don't know what - if anything - may evolve in the future. I have very close friends, men and women, at the golf and yacht clubs, but after being with Debs for over 30 years, starting again with anyone new just doesn't feature prominently in my plans, at least for the time being. Good luck. I don't drop by in here often, so please don't feel offended if I don't acknowledge your and anyone else's comments for a few/several days.

There's your answer - find someone else. If the "good guy" is already possessive and jealous after a couple of weeks, you may not want to find out what he's really like when he sees you socialising with different people.

I'm in my 3rd year heading into the 4th and the emptiness is still there as fresh as the day my beloved wife was taken away by that terrible C. I still call up her mobile message system just to hear her voice, and I spray a bit of her favourite perfume on my pillow just to re-live her presence. Every time I see couples around our age I smile reminiscing...I'm angry any more, but I do not feel the need to seek female companionship in any form except in a platonic friendship. I'm contented with my emptiness...

I don't fear death. When growing up (an only child), I used to have nightmares about what would happen to me if mum and dad died. When they eventually passed away (mum first, dad almost 18-months to the day, from heart break, I'm convinced), I was old enough to find my way in the world. In my early 30's, I never planned to live beyond 50...until I got married and had two lovely daughters - then, I wanted to live forever! The loos of my soulmate changed all that. Now, I live for our daughters, and I plan to live long enough for our 15-year-old to finish college and go to university and graduate. Then I can join my soulmate knowing she'll be fine...

Good for you. Make sure he respects that you have moved on from him, that he does not misread your friendliness as anything more than being civil and sociable.

Congratulations, so glad everything well well for your special Remembrance Day. Something to think about whether you want to make an annual event now that you've experienced your first event and will have learned how to improve on things. You might have a budding new career

A couple of Saturdays back, I told my two girls that I was going out to dinner with a friend and that I would love for them to join us. They both declined but asked about my friend, so I filled them in on who she was how I knew her, how old she was, etc etc etc. Then the questions continued, has she any children, was she married, where is her husband....long story short, I told them some of their questions would be best answered by my friend. So they went to the movies and I went to dinner... As luck would have it, we were walking through the mall to a bar when we ran into my 2 daughters (26 and 15). Introductions completed, they were nice and polite enough to my friend, but there was an unmistakable coolness in their attitude so we parted and they reminded me to be home early as we were going to a netball game in the morning - as if I needed reminding! Turns out the coolness was the shock of how much my friend reminded them of my soulmate/their mum. I assured them that there was unlikely to be any romatic relationship with my friend, she knows it and we're just happy to be very close friends. Who knows what the future might bring...but for the time being, peace has been restored and we're all going skiing in 3 weeks..

Sounds like someone's heartbeat has picked up a pace or two

A very close friend of mine lost his wife about 5 years ago: I lost mine 17 months ago. My friend kept calling me to check on me just after the funeral, and has been a very big help having someone who's been through the same wringer I was being put through. He would tell me that when he heads up north to their holiday home on the coast, he always talked to Barbara as if she was there in the passenger seat. And he said he does the same when he's home some days, and whenever he's driving somewhere on a job. And he says it helped a lot.

Take some random photos on the course of the different teams, and in the clubhouse during the prize-giving and post them so we can all share in your special day. Good luck....

You sound like how I felt when I and my first-ever girlfriend broke up in college (your High School). It felt like the end of the world but I learned from it and grew up a lot. My soulmate was taken from us 17 months ago, so I know about the emptiness, the sense of loss, sense of incompleteness..but we have two daughters who remind me daily of my soulmate (our young one is a split image of her mum). I don't know the circumstances of your break-up, but it can't be as sad as the loss of your wife. I know nothing comes near it for me. You've experienced closeness to someone since your loss: don't let it drag you down. You met someone, go out and meet others. The last thing you need is to feel sorry for yourself and give up...Learn from it.

Don't be too hard on yourself, ever. It's perfectly understandable for all of us in our unenviable situation to experience even for a fleeting moment the loving comfort and sensation of the complete family conveyed by a stranger's kind wishes, even if borne of ignorance.

I also endorse and thank youtube for all the cooking recipes. Bought a pressure cooker for the first time last week after my golfing buddy happened to mention he'd bought one - and I'm questioning how we survived all this time without one! Having a drink in the clubhouse on Sunday and another mate pipes up that he'd just bought a pressure cooker for his wife and we all cracked up laughing. We now have 3 guys comparing pressure cooker recipes while discussing our golf scores

You might have to decide which one has more potential, as one is likely to drift away should you choose the other for a dinner/date. Do you feel your reputation can withstand the likely gossip should you decide to date each of them separately? You're the prodigal daughter returned: I'd imagine there would be quite a bit of interest (and envy!!) from the other eligible local ladies in your dating habits once you've settled back in Stepford

I used to take off my wedding ring only when playing golf (uncomfortable gr gripping a club), and it went straight back on. First round of golf after she was taken from us, I took it off on the first tee - and I felt a profound sense of sadness as if I was getting rid of the last connection I had with her. The ring went back on and has stayed on ever sign - golf or no golf!

I still have not done anything with my beloved's stuff. I took 14 of her long coats and jackets to the drycleaners and they're hanging up in her wardrobe, together with all her designer dresses, etc. As for shoes!!!...so far I've found 17 brand-new high heels with price tags still on them, several new dresses she never wore, heaps of her favourite perfume... All her casual clothes have been washed ironed and packed in 5 cardboard boxes as my daughters want to make a large duvet from them for each of us. The rest of her dresses will just be left hanging in her wardrobe as they are for a tall (5'11") slim fit. Our younger daughter is the same shape and she says she'll wear what she wants from the collection.. I'm in no rush to do anything with her stuff...

I hear it a lot, where someone would be commenting or replaying to something I said and they would automatically assume I was married and make reference to "your wife". I don't tell anyone I've lost my wife unless it's germane to the discussion (usually planning dinners, outings, etc). And it's harmless for people who don't know me to assume I still had my wife... Besides, it's a sure-fire conversation stomper for some poor person who'd just assumed the wife was still alive to be informed she's not :-)

Maybe everyone should just mind their own business. They're adults - they're entitled to find happiness and/or make mistakes.

Not a "rule" per se, more a logical conclusion: after all, why would a woman go to the trouble of wearing matching lingerie on a date if there was not some expectation of being seen and appreciated?

"..to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish..." And then there's the make-up sex of course

Nice elegant presentations. Hope I don't have need for one of Patty's offerings any time soon but at the rate at which people I know are getting diagnosed with different flavours of C, that's a forlorn hope. Nice touch.

Hate movies-love golf so it's no contest: golf all day every day for me. Only time I've been to the movies was with my beloved when we were dating - and to watch cartoon movies with daughters 1 and 2 when each was aged 9 to 12 - at which age they wanted to go with their friends to the malls, with mucho relief for all concerned 8)

My beloved was taken from us in March 2015 and she took her wedding and engagement rings with her, and I'm still wearing mine. Feels normal to keep mine on...

My beloved was taken from us on the 20th of March, the date I have to file (and pay) the previous month's Income Tax deductions from our employees' payroll to our Inland Revenue Department (your IRS). So I can't get away from my beloved's passing date, month after month. It's not too bad really, it's just one of her previous responsibilities I'm happy to pick up and run with it for a while...

Trump won't make it any better with his divisive politics. Brexit has shown what happens when complacency allows the restless to win. Hope the chaos in the UK should be a wake-up call to the American voters, because the same socio-economic who voted for Brexit are responsible for getting Trump to where he is - white, unemployed, anti-globalisation xenophobes.