Carey Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 3 weeks of these pills and I'm miserable. I don't know how I was able to handle it better the first time I went through it. Chad was in Saudi, so not here to be supportive anyway, so I don't think it's that (he didn't even know it was going on) so this is the one thing I can't blame on widowhood. Either that or it's like 2nd year widowhood and you know just how bad it can get and you've been there done that ... IDK. Also, it wasn't 90 degree+ summer when I went through this before. My stomach is rebelling ... upset stomach and vomiting every SINGLE day, mind numbing headaches and I'm so lethargic that I literally feel underwater all the time and the smallest things take colossal effort and I just feel so pitiful. I don't know why it was easier to be strong last time. This time I just wanna give up. I really really don't see the point. I was supposed to be going on a trip to Busch Gardens with my friends next weekend and I am going to have to tell them today there's just no way I can make it. A long car ride and long lines in the sun at an amusement park sound more like medieval torture than fun. The beach doesn't even have the lure it usually does. 4th of July weekend there showed me just how much I CANT just push and do what I want/need to do. This just all around sucketh ... please forgive the whining. I don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WifeLess Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Carey, Sorry you are going through this. During my first year I found that illness seems to make us more vulnerable to grief. Perhaps when we are ill, we no longer have the strength to fight off grief since we are using all our energy to battle the illness. So in our weakened state everything seems worse. But the good news is that, if we hold on, then this too will eventually pass. And I hope it does so quickly for you. --- WifeLess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm sorry you're feeling so miserable. Do you know how long you will be on the medication? Maybe you can plan something for when you are done to celebrate that way you can have something positive to look forward to and focus on when you are feeling low. I also think that everything physical or emotional is heightened and more difficult to handle because we are so depleted from grief. I hope the effects of the meds become more tolerable with time, you really need a break! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 ((((Amy)))) I am so sorry, that sounds beyond miserable! Is there any chance of changing meds or modifying the treatment? When the cure is as bad as the problem, nothing seems right. I'm no help, but I'm thinking of you. More hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Last time it was 2 months. But he said that he didn't think we did it long enough because it came back so soon or something like that ... It's foggy. So anyway, august 24th they repeat an MRI and if it has shrunk to his satisfaction the meds will stop then, if not he said he'd probably do another 2 ;( I have to do evening seminar here at work tonight complete with food that is my responsibility and I'm already exhausted at 8:40 a.m. and I'll be here at least another 12 hours. I don't know how to manage it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Tight hugs, Carey. I'm sorry the medication is taking such a toll on you. Solo parenting and being widowed is draining enough on its own. It must be very hard to deal with such an extra drain on your energy. Do you by chance have any short term disability benefits at your job that you might be able to use to give yourself a break if it all becomes too much to physically handle? Would your employer be willing to modify your hours with a doctor's note? It is hard for us to put ourselves first, but essential for you to do so now so hopefully your recovery will be shorter. More hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 (((((hugs))))) To say you have been through a lot is an understatement. I remember my first year or two that I didn't want to isolate myself-but insulate myself...The trauma took it's toll on me. I am sorry the meds are not helping like you anticipated. You made the right decision not going to amusement park. Take tine to heal--physically and emotionally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Sending healing Light and Energy your way... from my heart to yours. May all be well! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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