This is way premature...

[ieh21]

I was reading an online discussion regarding how we middle-aged adults, come to the realisation that we become invisible at a certain point. That occasions to be flirted with decrease, that we are generally regarded as less attractive by virtue of age. This started with a letter printed in the New York Times from a 47 year old man decrying this situation and the comments section I was reading was filled with "welcome to a woman's world, buddy" and various versions of how women start noticing that their level of attractiveness decreased as early as 20. This left me pondering and then at dinner, completely out of the blue, my Eldest Daughter, at the tender age of 7, declared that "little girls are cuter than older girls. My sister [who is 4] has replaced me as the cutest in the family".

 

My heart broke. It's one thing for me, at 44, to realise that my attractiveness potential has decreased, it's quite another to hear my beautiful Eldest DD declare that she doesn't find herself as cute as her sister. And, when I prompted her further, she explained that her beautiful bright blue eyes appear to her as washed-out grey.  It's true that her sister commands attention with her crazy curly hazelnut hair. People notice because, well, you can't miss it. And they are always commenting on it. I have been wondering when Eldest would start to notice. I never thought this early... I'm always very careful, when giving her my opinion on her clothes, to pinpoint my negative comments to the clothes, not her (i.e. if I am asked my opinion, I don't say "you don't look good in that", I say "I am not a fan of the print on that dress"). I'm also always very careful not to criticise my own body in front of them (my mom was a pro, she used to look at herself in the mirror and then say "I hate my ugly body. It's too bad you inherited my genes in this regard". To a 13 year-old me. No wonder I have body image issues!) Yet it seems that this is an issue we won't be able to escape...

 

So I told her, I think you are beautiful, you are both beautiful and you have different attributes that are exceptional. But you have to believe that, it's not enough for me to tell you.

 

I could cry, to think that at 7, she is looking at herself critically, already...

[imissdow]

sadly this is about typical.  I am starting to hear this from my 9yo. and from what I hear from my teacher friends it gets really bad in junior high, thankfully I had some warning so I was slightly prepared when my 2 older girls went thru this. My almost 19yo is finally coming out of it and my 16 yo seems to be rather secure in herself.

 

One of the things I did with my kids was to repeat over and over that who and what you are on the inside is way more important. That a beautiful person becomes rather ugly when they don't treat people well. Sharpay in high school musical would be a good example.  I also made a point of telling my girls that people who make you feel good about yourself  become more beautiful the longer you know them.  We have a good friend who is 60 and very overweight, wears really thick glasses. Yet everyone who meets him loves him. There are tons more examples  if you look.

 

The other thing I still try to do is to "work with your assets" and wear clothes that fit properly.  My 16 yo wears jeans that are snug but not tight and cute shirts.  She looks like a typical teenager yet she is slightly over weight.  My other DD prefers dresses and wears leggings under them. She has a very different look but it works for her.  I have my own look that my girls seem to think is weird yet I get lots of complement when I actually put in some effort.

 

We take dance classes and the preschoolers always bring down the house. I have told my girls that all little kids get a free pass on the talent part until they hit around 8 boys and girls. it is just the way it is.

[Virgo]

I have three daughters. I teach them that beauty comes from within. Physically we are all different, but pretty in our own way. I am guilty of criticizing myself in front of them. I am trying to be better about that.

 

I do agree that society is harder on females as far as body image.

[Sugarbell]

Really??? My daughter thinks the opposite...that older girls are prettier.

 

Of course...she doesn't have a younger sister or younger cousins. She's the baby in the family...she idolizes her teenage female cousins and all of our teenage neighbor girls.

 

But she's a tall skinny knobby kneed kid. She's beautiful in her unique way...but not the little girl cute. More tomboy-I was the exact same way then bloomed as a teen.

 

But she's in a phase not caring what she looks like. A year ago was a priss phase.

 

So maybe it's just a phase for your daughter,?