imissdow

For the last 20 years i have had a job that was very isolating, it was fine, i came home to family and friends, got out regularly. Now not so much, changed jobs thought, ill be around people. Yes but they dont talk to me, im still alone. Starting a new part time job in a week. Hoping for some conections. I need to be around people, i think thats why im so very depressed.

I'm about 6.5 years post death. For the most part my friends are supportive of me and my choices. However I'm just the last couple of years I have noticed a shift in perceptions. Or maybe I've just become more aware, I just don't know. Most of my friends now never knew my LH. I am fortunate to have some d friends who do remember him. The ones who never knew him indrestingly enough are the ones who think I'm stuck or "having problems with greif". For the most part I dont think I'm having problems at all. I have a therapist who I see every week mainly because she is safe to talk to about him. I was motivated to go because I really want a healthy relationship in the future and the guy I was dating at the time told me I wasn't "over" my lh. That had been a common theme from all the guys I dated and a couple of close friends. So, I decided maybe it was time to do some more greif work. So this week I saw a couple of friends who have been around for almost half my life. We don't see each other often but do stay in contact via, email and Facebook. Indresting enough one lost their dad about 10years ago and mom less the 4 years ago. The other lost a boyfriend when she was a teen and her brother just over a year ago. So I told them I was "having problems with greif" and they laughed. I still miss him, I doubt that will ever change. We still celebrate his birthday and our anniversary. We ignore the day he died as much as possible, it was 4 days after his birthday. However. My life is really good. I have 2 kids in college and each is doing well. My youngest has transitioned to middle school and seems to finally figured out stuff. She has a big sister from big brothers big sisters who has just been great for her. I moved, have a new job, and some good friends and somewhat of a social life. I've managed to live within my means, pay my bills and even do some cool trips with my kids. My life looks very different then it used to and I'm good with that for the most part. I've been told I have ptsd, anxiety, depression, adjustment disorder and I think to negatively . I've also been told that I cope extremely well. I'm tired of being treated like I'm broken or damaged or on the flip side like a object by the guys I meet. My rherpist tells me I just haven't met the right one, she also suggested that I might need to find someone who had experienced great loss. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to gain from saying all this, maybe just some reassurance that I'm not crazy/ or I'm more normal then people tell me.

This week my MIL died of pancreatic cancer. I found out about 6 weeks ago that she was terminal. Thankfully I told all 3 of my Dds and we all got to see her over their thanksgiving breaks. I had td my 2 older girls to make time for a visit because grandma might not make it to Christmas break. She died finals week. Also this week a friend died, jenna was 33yo and was the children's pastor at the York haven campus of our church. Jenna and her dh were youth pastor's when my older girls were in youth group. She's also my youngest Dd best friends mom. She used to take my dd for weekends every couple of months after my lh died. She leaves a husband and 5 kids, 3 of them adopted special needs kids. My heart is heavy. I've cried more then I have in years. There are no services for my MIL. Jennas services are tomorrow. This is the first one I've been to sense my lh died. I'm dreading it. I need peace.

Today is/Was thanksgiving. All 3 of my girls were home. The 2 older ones are doing well in college. The youngest made honor roll last semester. Life is good, I have lots to be thankful for. Earlier this week I turned 50. I started a new job last week and so far I really like it. I've had lots of changes in my life in the last couple of years and I'm expecting a few more as my oldest heads off to a residential school to finish her college experience. Life is really good. I have some really good friends. I have a little bit of a social life. I'm able to enjoy some time off and can afford some simple trips. I live within my means , and have become pretty comfortable alone. Yet, with all the good stuff in my life I still feel like I'm missing something. I can't say it's a guy, I'm tired of dating and for the most part in ok with being alone. I vollenteer plenty, so it's not really a purpose, I have that. I have fun with some regularity. I feel like my life has lost passion. I used to have so much stuff that I felt so strongly about. Now I'm just meh about just about just about everything. There is very little that gets me really excited. I enjoy my time with my kids but even that feels forced a lot of the time. I get time with my best friends and I'm glad to see them but it feels really muted, if that make sense. So how do you find your passion again. I wonder if I don't allow myself to feel because I don't want to be hurt. Yet on the other hand I really want my old self back, I liked the firey, outspoken , don't take no crap girl I was. I miss the old me.

Congrats! Logged in today after weeks off and saw this, found it ironic that my last day at my job was the 9th. I'm having a hard time believing that I finally had the nerve to do it and wondering if my new job with its promised 20 hours and possibility more is really a good idea. Oh but the relief, never thought I would change careers at 50.

We always did family dinners and they were one of the few things that continued when he died. Last year my 2 oldest had jobs and I signed the youngest up for karate so we were gone 3-4 school nights. I thought keeping busy would help, instead it just made things frantic. This year we have 2 school nights of activies More often then not there's only 2 of us now but we still sit down and eat. Dinners are a lot shorter, but that 15 mins are one of the times she has all my attention.

I have been to one wedding and I skipped the reception. We're getting to the age where my friends kids are starting to get married so I'm kind of dreading this. Hugs

So my middle dd is headed off to college in a week. She's not going far, only a hour away. She's excited, ready to move on. I however am turning into a weepy mess. She's my first kid to leave. She has been to Haiti, Africa, Mexico, and this year Poland and away for lots of weeks of camp over the years. She is responicable , smart, talented, and had chosen a major that is perfect for her. I kind of figured at this point in my journey I would have someone in my life. I have dated. The last guy stuck around for 5 months. Told me wasn't "over" my lh and my kids weren't fond of him. I knew he wasn't Mr right. However he was fun. I get a decent amount of attention from guys, however I'm picky and I don't just want a warm body. I hate being single, loved being married. Not real fond of dating. My weepyness is not so much her leaving but the fact that here 6 years after lhs death it can hardly find someone I want to spend a evening with let alone have a relationship with. This just really sucks. I'm now having a hard time meeting people because I've already done all the stuff one does to meet people. I have bunches of friends yet..

July was 6 years for me. His birthday and day he died are 4 days apart. It sucked. I made it thru his birthday and then just fell apart. It surprised me yet I halfway expected it. My therapist told me to make friends with it, I really was hoping I wouldn't need to.

I've been told I have depression and anxiety. I don't take anything but I have found that I love the stress relief scent from bath and body works. Really what works better then anything else is exercise. I run often, lift weights and do some body weight stuff. I find when I can't I'm a lot more stressed. Even a quick walk helps me clear my head.

Only all the time. I just broke up with a guy I dated for 6 months. I have been weepy and upset, however not about him. Currently I'm pissed that my lh left me in this place. I actually really liked this guy, hopefully we will remain friends. Least that's what he says he want. I try really hard not to compare. And for the most part I do ok until thing go bad. Then I start thinking my lh would never do ... I hate it.

Omg! I'm almost at this point. Married 6 years, 2 months and 12 days. August 31, will be 6 years 2 months and 13 days widowed . My youngest is now 11, she was 5 when he died. How did I manage to survive those early days. My kids tell me I was a zombie, I don't remember. That's probably a blessing.

Friday night's have been pizza and a movie (netflix/Redbox)night ever since lh died. Took me ovet a year to be able to actually watch a movie. Nowdays there's no pizza. Took me even longer to start cooking again. H will be in bed soon and me, I'll probably watch NCIS , I have I think one more season to go. I never thought I would be happy to have my oldest ,now almost 21 still at home. Makes it a little less lonely. Oddly enough had my lived I would probably be doing the same thing, just would have had adult company.

Another member from the old board also, Sri single with no end in site. It's been 6 years. I've dated been told how great I am yet still alone. Hugs

I did edmr therapy 2 years ago, helped a lot. Had a reason other then greif to go and I'm glad I did. At that point I was told I had ptsd. Helped a ton. I basically feel and think I'm doing pretty well, I have a good life, I exersize, take dance classes, have friends I go out with, Volenter ,work and try to eat reasonablity well. Life is good. I just have this undercurrent of missing my LH. I have come to the conclusion that I would never not miss him. I just really want another relationship and that seems impossible. Maybe like you I just need to accept being celibate and learn to be content with my friendships.

Long story but I went to see a therapist Saturday. At the end of intake I asked what she was going to diginoise me with. She said probally complicated greif. Now, I'm 6 years out. I go to work every day, take care of 3 kids and a dog. Volenteer, work out, dance and lots of other stuff. I don't cry a ton anymore but I do sometime get weepy. I remember my lh rather fondly and still miss him a ton. My life for the most part is good. The only other big thing is all the guys I dated have issues with me still loving my lh. I doubt that's likely to change even with therapy. So it typically ends up being a deal breaker. I've been told by several people that I'm not "over " my lh. I don't know that I've ever fully grieved him, my middle dd had a very rough time and I suspect I pushed my stuff down to help her deal with her stuff. So anyone have some helpful ideas, thoughts apart from the argument that we never "get over" the death of someone. Anyone done therapy for this? What was helpful? I did do trauma therapy and it helped a ton . I would probably do edmr again if it was offered.

Christian, was before his death still am. I attend every week, teach Sunday school, go to a small group. I get some flack for my strong beliefs, not sure why because I pretty much accept others and understand that their beliefs are there's. I did struggle for quite awhile after lh died. However GOD is still GOD whether I agree or not. Do, I still attend and teach and whatnot.

I rarely cry when I look at his pic, don't know that I ever did more often then not I have a sad smile. He was a great man taken much to soon. However I'm so glad he was in my life for the short period of time he was. He totally changed the world for me and my girls. Our lives would have been totally different without him. It's been 6 years sadly the only ones who still talk about him are my kids and i.i still miss him.

I have been seeing a guy for several months now. The topic of my parenting has come up several times. I have 3 kids 20,18,&11 he has none. So far I have talked to him about situations with my kids, he has offered suggestions. I either take them or discard them and still parent my kids. His role when we are together as a family unit is usually to echo what I've already said or give direction. I am the one who displines or makes decisions, like it should be. So we have discussed moving forward with our relationship. Spending more time together and what the future holds. He is not moving in nor is marriage a given at this point. So he told me he has some issues with how parent my kids. I in a round about way asked him if he felt he had a right to voice his thoughts being that he isn't a parent. He replied that because of the nature of our relationship he feels like if we do move forward then we should make decisions regarding the kids jointly. I'm trying to figure out if I'm willing to do that and what it might look like. He told me he has issues with my parenting but hasnt mentioned what exactly it is. I suspect he doesn't like that I yell at my kids, I don't like that I yell at my kids, however they drive me batty at times and I don't think I can promise that I won't ever loose it.so is there anyone out there that has navigated this with some success? Any thoughts. Last guy I broke up with had issues with my kids also, wouldnt understand why they didn't love him and told me I needed to say no more often. Meanwhile every time they saw him he felt a need to give them everything they liked, without asking me.

Oh, I so wish I could come, the girls and I are on vacation then, it's been planned for months and they are quite excited. I wish you and adp the best. Your journey has been far from easy. Love and good wishes.

I have one gifted kid, she should have been able t skip a grade or 2, however our school doesnt allow it. So, she ended up almost flunking out. She told me she would have doubled up on classes if it actually would have gotten her somewhere. So I would agree that what ever their level is where they should be. I also think that maturity level also counts. There was a 15yo at college with me. She did ok in classes but really seemed to struggle with the social stuff. She often dressed inapprotly and her couldn't handle finances and was always was a mess. So I would say you need to balance both out.

Seriously! So unfair! I am so sorry huh and prayers!,

My middle DD is graduating this year. Her sister didn't get to walk because she was doing summer school because she failed gym. So our 2nd graduation party but the first commencement . We are doing a pool party and BBQ. I have a friend who offered her pool, house and yard for us to use. IShe will even help me with grilling burgers and such. I feel lucky to have great friends. Hard to believe my DD had just started middle school the year LH got sick. Hoping I can make it without crying but that might be asking to much.

My mom called last night, to tell me about my sister coming to visit. I think it speaks volumes about our relationship that I haven't heard from her. But, back to my mom. We are Facebook friends and she likes every post I make. In her mind likening a post is her telling me she saw it. It's mildly annoying but I just remember to post stuff I don't care if my mom knows. That's usally pretty limited and not very personal. So a week or so I had posted about buying seed and planting a garden. Those who know me well know that the garden is at my boyfriends farm. He has 11 acres garden is about a acre in the meadow. So when talking to my mom she asked about the garden and how I expect to take care of it. My last garden ended up being all weeds as I really didn't have time for it. So I told her it was a co-op. The reality is he plants it and his sisters come over and harvest veggies for their families. His sister owns a hotel I think some of these also end up there. I will be eating these veggies come summer as well. I met all of my NGs family for Easter, he has met my kids , one sister and a few of my friends. Over the years I have introduced 2 guys to my parents. I married both of them. If I introduce another guy to my parents I will get lots of questions, my mom tends to jump the gun. She also will feel a need to call all my family to tell them the news. So, in some ways I feel like posting something on Facebook and "letting" her find out that way. I'm pretty sure she suspects already. In others I guess I should put on my big girl pants and take him down to meet her. When I dated prior to meeting my LH my mom kept commenting on my different male friends. I told her to knock it off and if and when I wanted her to know I was dating I would tell her, other then that I would pefer she act like I wasn't dating at all. Something else I never thought I would have to deal with again. My mom and dad are rather judgemental , I relize I don't need their approval but .. I would feel better if I had it. Ugh!!!

I moved almost a year ago. Only 6 miles away, I still have the same job, go to the same church. My daily life however looks different. I've thought about changing jobs but really for the most part my dh was never part of my work life, we have changed locations so it looks different also. My girls have asked to go back to my LHs favorite vacation spot. So far I have avoided it. Moving was hard but oh so freeing. This place doesn't haunt me like my old house did, it was the right choice as hard as it was.