Guest DebW Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 This morning I realised with a jolt that it's two months since my darling left. I don't pay much attention to dates usually but I feel like it seems like so so much longer since I saw him. This week I started back at work so have been busy planning and preparing for that. Most days I think I'm doing ok but yesterday I saw our chemo nurse at the supermarket and had a bit of a melt down. After talking with her I finished my shopping with tears streaming down my face, got some funny looks from people but don't really care what others think of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Time seems to take on a whole new meaning, after the deaths of our spouses. Days seem like years, and a year can seem like just yesterday. Just keep taking one day at a time and doing what you can. I think we have all cried in public a time, or two. It's all part of the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 ((((Hugs)))) I cry. I still cry in random public places when some little thing or another triggers a little griefquake. It's normal for us. And it's okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rememberingjason Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Hugs DebW- It is hard and dates were the hardest for me in the first few years. Crying in public and moving on just shows you are a brave, strong soul...because you have every right to cry over your loss and memories. (((DebW))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1d0w3r Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Today is my 2 month milestone. I've started to tear up a couple of times as I've been sitting here at IHOP, as was our "sleep in and eat a huge breakfast for lunch" tradition on lazy weekends. It's fortunately not the first time I've done this, and have adjusted to the "Just 1?" greeting I get from the host. I've been thinking a great deal about the dissonance between what she would have wanted for my life and my inability to do those things right now. She wouldn't want my dominant emotion to be sadness, but try as I might I can't sustain more than moments of happiness in reaction to a provocative memory. She would want me to pursue the little projects and big ideas that used to inspire me, but I can barely make progress with handling the "must do" list, and feel like I've been put on the sidelines in living my own life because that life included loving her so deeply that grieving her feels equally deep. Love and grief seem to be two sides of the same coin, and I desperately want to flip it over, but the only way I know of, the only answer I read here or find in searching myself is that it will "happen in time". I wish I could do something active - even if only in thought - to will this sadness away. Letting time take its course is so passive, and I know time will help. But I wish I were stronger or wiser or knew a way. It feels like two years have passed. Sending my love and appreciation to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I've been thinking a great deal about the dissonance between what she would have wanted for my life and my inability to do those things right now. She wouldn't want my dominant emotion to be sadness, but try as I might I can't sustain more than moments of happiness in reaction to a provocative memory. Sometimes, I think we project this onto ourselves. Of course, our beloved spouses would hate that we are sad (angry, anxious....fill in the blank). But the reality is that we ARE sad...and for an appropriate reason! My second husband was widowed himself and would completely understand the range of emotions I have had since he died...including the anger I felt at the universe because my husband was clearly not ready to die and he had so much untapped potential that never had a chance to be explored and shared with the world. If he has any consciousness at all (and I don't believe he does) he would be pissed at the universe himself for not getting the chance to fulfill his dreams and reach his potential...and also that I was left here widowed again. So, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the full range of emotions you have available to you...which means also enjoying those moments that are happy and joyful, too. Sometimes, we are given the gift of positivity in this mostly grey and black time in our lives. If you have even fleeting moments that feel good...someone acknowledging you, a funny joke, the experience of kindness...smile and allow yourself to take in that moment. You will have plenty of moments that feel more despairing right now. Sometimes I think that the paralysis we feel in our lives after losing a spouse is something that forces us to acknowledge over and over that we have suffered great loss, and with that, we cannot just function normally. We can't do everything on our list...because the world just isn't right and it doesn't just go on "normally". We are changed (and in some ways, I feel, for the better) and we will never look at things like chores or decisions over what to buy at the grocery store or what we want to accomplish in our lives...never will we look at them the same way again. We have a new view of what is important, and being unable to run forward, and stopping to reminisce and think about love and loss is a necessary part of learning how to live again. Hang in there. This takes time. I have to tell myself the same thing. Sometimes I can't quite integrate this either. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I can't add anything but lots and lots of hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael797 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 July 21st was the one year sadiversary of losing Marianne. This post sorta hit home. Maybe check in and let the folks here know how you're doing...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DebW Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Well....today it is the 4 month anniversary of Anthony's passing. I honestly don't know how I have survived this long without him, but I have. Last couple of weeks have sucked. Father's Day, my daughter turned 11 on the same day and also the 1 year anniversary of his diagnosis. I can't say things have gotten easier but I am so busy with the kids and work, the weeks seem to flow into each other. I still feel like he's away somewhere, that he'll be home soon. His bag that came home from hospice is still sitting in the wardrobe, his slippers are still under the bed. My heart still aches, I still miss him every second of every waking moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJF Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I can't say things have gotten easier but I am so busy with the kids and work, the weeks seem to flow into each other. ((HUGS)) to you. I don't know if things ever get "easier", but you will find that you start getting used to things the way they are now. I am almost at five years now and my kids and I are used to this "new" normal. You will get there eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Hugs to you DebW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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