Party last night

[Guest TooSoon]

Last night I walked into a party hosted by my closest friends here - friends who are like family, who've been here for the good, the bad and the ugly.  They are also a part of the larger social circle of people the main driver's of which have dug in their heels and will not include me no matter what.  I've tried.  Mostly, I'm able to see my friends separately and the two worlds don't collide but I walked into this familiar house last night where my daughter and I have spent countless "sleepovers" when Mommy has had too much wine and where we're always welcomed like family and there they were - all of those people I haven't seen - at least not as a group and really certainly no where other than the grocery store parking lot or similar - staring at me.  My friend didn't tell me they were going all to be there.  It was sooooo weird.  I'd been at a fundraiser gallery opening at work all day making nice with big wigs and administrators and donors so I just tired to keep that going but it was weird.  They were so cool (read cold) and cautious with me.  No one asked a blessed thing about my life.  It made me feel like someone who just had to be tolerated until the evening was over.  It was all fine, really, and like I said, I'm comfy in that house as we spend a lot of time there, but it reminded me how things can get real weird, real fast once you come back out into the world again.  This is a ramble.  I've been working all day and just needed to reach out beyond my word document for a moment.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs.  Sigh.  More hugs.

 

Maureen

[Sugarbell]

Oh I remember this feeling...

 

Years 3 and 4...Exactly what you just described....the old couple friends..my sons friends parents...the ones that we hung out with, took ski trips with....then the awkwardness and coldness when we meet up again in a social situation.

 

I get this. The good news is...now at year 8...When paths cross I look at them as nothing more than an acquaintance. No weird feelings...nothing. Just a civil brief acquaintance.

[Guest TooSoon]

Yeah, I was just taken by surprise.  I mean they knew the hosts are my closest friends here and that M and I are at that house all the time or they are at mine.  How could they not bring themselves to ask me a single question about my life in 4 hours?  Even an innocuous one about work or my cats or something?  Weird.

 

Stepford, right?  Whatevz.

 

I know my friends, the hosts, were pleased at least that I rolled with it.  After all they have done for us, I never would have let them down.  No one likes a party more than I do, but it was the rare occasion when I was Out.Of.There. as soon as it felt appropriate. 

[Sugarbell]

You came to the party for your friend and held your head up high!... Stepfordites are usually not very adaptable. When I realized that my sheer presence at things made certain people uncomfortable (and no never asked me a question about anything)... I came to the conclusion that I pop the bubble in the utopia fantasy they live. Usually people I never thought would accept me and talk were the ones who surprised me. And they were quite interesting deep thinkers.

 

Honestly now the Stepfordites bore the hell out of me. When our paths cross at things...I am always polite and move on and chat elsewhere.

 

Ugh...The things they don't discuss about widowhood in the self help books.

[BrokenHeart2]

Way to go TS for being there for your real friends!  As for the others....they don't deserve your effort but you already know that .

[Trying]

Good for you that you stayed and were able to make nice in such an uncomfortable setting. That was a beautiful gift to give your close friends who were hosting. I still have a really hard time being around people who turned there backs on me but there is one couple I have to deal with on a pretty regular basis.