Dad's love is a force field

[canadiangirl]

I wasn't expecting that as my elementary school-aged child grew older, more anxieties and worries would manifest themselves.  I had this idea that as they age and become more mature, they become scared of fewer things, not more.  Unfortunately the reverse has proven to be true and now my small one will not go in rooms with the lights out and is even scared of the dark, which is new.

 

I explained that the one thing we have going for us, our one "competitive advantage" is surely that Dad's love is a force field.  While in any case, the rooms in our house were put together with love, we have the ultimate protection.

 

It's not working fully so far, but man, it's all I got.  And I actually do believe that if he could look out for us, and especially for our small one, he would. 

 

Small one speaking out loud, in bed in the dark as we fall asleep:  "I miss Dad."

Me:  "I do too.  Dad was a very nice man."

Small one:  "I totally agree."

 

This stuff is hard.  Sharing because I am sure many have been here.  What's worse is my small one is starting to forget.  As TooSoon's students would say, I can't even...

[Virgo]

My daughters have developed a few 'quirks' too. I am still hoping they will outgrow them as time passes. We have excessive handwashing and other germophobic behaviors here. Seeing their dad and grandma 'sick' in hospitals I'm sure has everything to do with it. I've told them multiple times, so has their pediatrician, that you can't catch what their dad and grandma had.

 

This stuff is definitely hard!

[MrsDan]

When did has bad dreams, I sit with her a bit and then I tell her I have to go but Daddy is with her and will protect her. Is that wrong? Well I'm not so sure that it's untrue. And he did not have the opportunity to do all the things he wanted to do for her. But I can give him this.

[Justin]

When did has bad dreams, I sit with her a bit and then I tell her I have to go but Daddy is with her and will protect her. Is that wrong? Well I'm not so sure that it's untrue. And he did not have the opportunity to do all the things he wanted to do for her. But I can give him this.

 

Not wrong at all. The bad dreams come from within, and if she believes Daddy is protecting her - he is. I don't care what some people say, the "magic" of a child's belief cannot ever be matched.

[ieh21]

I have experienced this as well, I'm surprised that my Eldest DD can't rationalise her fears away. Now she's scared of spiders. Like cartoon-jumping-on-the-chair scared. And scared of riding a bike. I haven't tried to dad forcefield although I have several times told them that he is watching over us, that his only job is to take care of us. Doesn't always work, you're right. Good luck.

[Losttogether]

I'm glad you wrote about this topic as my dd (7yrs) has developed huge anxiety around sickness and death.  I've taken her to the counsellor but she's still really struggling and is missing her dad more than ever even though it's been nearly 3 yrs.

I wish I knew how to help her other than cuddles and love.

[hikermom]

I am definitely finding that dd's grief and anxieties morph as she goes through various developmental phases. Frankly, it is kicking my butt.

 

As we all know, grief for adults isn't exactly linear - we swirl and cycle and generally feel like we're in a vortex - but we have a fairly reliable trend over time. With kids, I think they have to regrieve at each developmental stage because they have changed how they view the world. They are reworking the emotions, loss and reconfiguring how their world looks based on some new realization that (say, puberty) brings. This is hard as the parent. I've moved over time along a continuum and really don't want to start over but I have to be supportive and present for my daughter.

 

DD was 8 when her dad died. She is now going on 12. She is regrieving all over again. She has strengthened her fear of the dark and bedtime is back to a struggle. She is incredibly anxious when I have to go away or when she is away from me. She worries about my health. This anxiety is a relatively newer thing that her growing maturity and resulting changing understanding of life and death is gifting her <insert sarcasm>.