MissingMyJon Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I can't stand this life. It's too hard, and I am just plain tired of it. I am tired of missing Jon. It is getting worse, not better. I am tired of feeling like maybe he was a mirage. I can only really remember how I felt around him. Specific memories are hard to come by, and when they do, then I am in tears. I am tired of being exhausted. I miss sleep, I miss my better half helping me with the kids, activities, and the like. I am tired of the nights. I HATE the nights. After the kids go to sleep. The quiet, the loneliness. It has become a chore. And nothing I do really feels right. I am tired of happiness being so much work. It's become another chore on my list, as if I don't have enough chores to do. I am tired of having to push through my grief so I can get my job done or go to the kids activities or the like. I am tired of having to explain to my 3 year old why we can't get daddy up in the sky. I am just tapped, and the person I want to cry to about my exhaustion and sadness isn't here to console me. I just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for being here while I rant and whine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I heard you. Big hugs to you. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I can totally relate to your post and especially the part where the person who would help you the most isn't here and how exhausting it is to try and be happy hugs take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Yep, I get this. Sending you hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 It is exhausting, I understand exactly what you are saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I'm so sorry you're feeling so worn thin. Just getting up and facing the day each morning can sometimes be exhausting enough. I don't know how you all with little ones manage. Just ((hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Totally get this, sending understanding. I miss sleep too. I'm an insomniac and before his diagnosis when things were good I had the best sleeps of my life. Solidarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Hugs and more hugs. I could've written most of it... the nights especially. Lately I've been doing all right during the day-- I actually have periods of more-than-okayness, when I'm basically, well, happy! But that vanishes when I turn out the light. I'm so weary of sleeping alone. It's not so much the sex I miss (though, yes, of course I miss it), but the presence of another breathing person beside me. Another heartbeat. Just that sense of being with someone... some nights, when I can't sleep and it all comes flooding back, I think the loneliness might actually do me in. :-\ The sun rises eventually, but... sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 So sorry you are stuggling. I wish I had kids here to distract me. Grass is always greener on the other side isn't it. Widda mindf_uck is all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I am sorry that you are so exhausted and that you are struggling, right now. I think we can all relate to being done with this life, from time to time. I know how exhausting it is, when it is just me trying to make it through the day. I cannot even begin to imagine how weary it must be trying to do this with little ones. I greatly admire those of you, who manage to put one foot in front of the other, while taking care of little ones. Were our situations reversed, I don't know that I could do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I'm having an "I can't stand this life" day today. Probably it's good to get it over with-- tomorrow is my birthday, and one of my resolutions (it always made more sense to me to do it at my personal new year, rather than Jan 1) is to start the second third of my life (lol) positively. I can't change the circumstances that brought me to this point, but I can do my best to make the future I have bright, right? Anyway, that's for tomorrow. Today I've been crying, off and on. I miss Jim. I miss being someone's love. I'm tired of being alone at the end of the day. I'm tired of feeling invisible and... extraneous. I just want someone to hold me. I need to suck it up and get over this. It Is What It Is . I'm here, I'm fine, I'm loved. That should be enough. I wish it were enough. :-\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingMyJon Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 Thanks everyone for listening and for helping me feel less alone. Love to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
handwork Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Ditto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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