I think I made up the idea of me being married.

[keeptrying]

Am I the only one who knows that I have been married? Well, my children also.

I wonder if I made my husband up in a dream, and he never existed.

Since his death NO ONE talks about him, speaks of him, and when I mention him the conversation changes, like he never existed. Like I made up some incredible life of me being married and having a father to my children.

When he was alive, I heard over and over from my parents, people I knew, people that knew him, WOW, I never met a man like him, he is one in a million, he is a keeper, there are no guys like him out there...

Everyone always told me how lucky I was to have him. Now.. it seems like that person never existed and I have given 7 virgin births.  If I did dream it up, I want to go back to sleep and keep dreaming!

[Quixote]

Very much so.  My wife is still a huge part of my life-- but when I talk about her, people still get uncomfortable.  Her parents even took down all of her pictures in their house, which is really bizarre since they have pictures of her brother and his family all over the place.  It's as if she was purged Soviet style from the history books.

[Jen]

It's almost funny... lately I've been talking more and more about Jim, dropping his name in conversation ("Jim used to..." " When Jim and I... " etc), maybe to try to convince myself that those 5 years of my life ever happened. Otherwise I'd think the whole story was something I made up, St Elsewhere-style, to cope with the disaster that was my first marriage. Meanwhile, the world is moving on... I got a birthday card from his mother that said something like "Happy Birthday to a great friend!"

 

... ?? Friend? Really?

 

And his dad posted a pic of Jim's brother's young kids on Facebook on Grandparents' Day, talking about "how long he and Mawmaw had waited to have grandkids..." Um. My kids have been around since 2009. My ILs claimed to consider them as much "theirs" as the bio grandkids. Guess they forgot that Jim considered them his children. :-\

 

In some ways it all seems so long ago (I'm a week shy of 18 months out). In other ways it seems like it all happened yesterday, like he just stepped out to go to the store and he'll be back any moment. But mostly... yes, it does feel like a dream.

[CJF]

I totally get what you are saying.  I am almost at five years and really NOBODY brings him up, not his family, not my family.  The kids and I talk about him but that is it.  Even at my work, when I tell a story and mention his name I get silence.  I get that it makes people uncomfortable, but it makes ME uncomfortable that nobody says his name.

[jlp]

I have always talked freely about my husband since he died.  There are a handful of people who will also discuss him with me, but I would say the majority seem uncomfortable.  It's not unusual.  I think people are worried I'll get all emotional talking about him (and I might!) but that's OK.  Like so many things about widdahood, unless you've been there ...

[lcoxwell]

I so get what you are saying about it seeming that you made up your marriage. This wasn't such an issue, when I was still living in the town that Kenneth and I raised our children in. There were people there, who knew him, or knew of him, and it made talking about him fairly easy. Now, since I moved, there is no one who knew my Kenneth. The people here know that I am dating and associate me with New Guy, so if I talk about my husband, I get strange looks. If I preface it with saying, "My late husband....", then I get the looks of pity. Without the ability to talk of Kenneth freely, unless I go into explanations, it does seem that my life with him is less real, if that makes sense.

[donswife]

I agree its like a huge part of our lives never happened

the worsted part is it is almost confirmed when asked if we are married

because there is no check box for I lost the love of my life and his name was Don

instead it married or not married

nothing about this doesn't suck