jlp

Minnesota. Feel pretty alone here in the upper Midwest.

:'(

As always, so glad to know I'm not alone. This is my second Christmas, too, and it is awful. Feeling so sad and lonely. I think last year was easier only because I was still in shock. Now reality has set in and it sucks.

Thanks for sharing, Maureen. Someone shared it to my Facebook, too, and I was going to share it here, but you beat me to it! It's so true and so sad -- and tired? Yes, tired of everything.

Thanks for sharing, canadiangirl -- that was hilarious! After doing pretty well for about a month, I've found myself to be quite weepy the last couple of days, for no apparent reason. This was just what I needed!

So, are there really such things as "gigolos"? Only in Vegas, I'm sure. Hmmm. Maybe a Bago for us ladies? Or maybe I should just up my antidepressant...

Justin, so sorry for your "episode." I do think sometimes our minds/bodies take control without us knowing it and without us knowing why. You and I are on a very similar timeline. I've been feeling so good the last couple of weeks and then boom! a meltdown today for no apparent reason. I can accept the rollercoaster, but not its capriciousness.

I am so, so sorry Fuchsia. Even when you know it's coming, it's still a shock when finally happens. It's the emotional equivalent of losing a limb. Please ask for as much help as you can (something I wish I had done more of) and be gentle with yourself. One day, one hour at a time for now and lean on us. BTW, if you have the services of a grief counselor through your hospice program, well -- I found that to be quite helpful and it's worth considering.

Totally agree -- and never thought about it this way before!

I think what you are experiencing is typical. I know I started feeling "better" just past the six month mark. It was about that time I started seeing a psychologist, knowing I wouldn't have my grief counselor forever. I distinctly remember discussing this very thing with her at about the 8-9 month mark -- feeling guilty because my grief was starting to abate. Evidently this is pretty normal and all part of the healing process, although a painful, unexpected part. I just can't help but think that if we didn't progress out of the intense early grief -- well, it would probably eventually do us in. Just too much physical/mental/emotional stress. So yes, while it's nice to feel some relief, it does come with other emotions. Ugh. The antidepressants may be helping, too, but I still think overall it's a natural progression.

I haven't gone out to eat alone a lot, but I guess I've had pretty good luck. I agree, sometimes sitting at the bar is the way to go. You can chat with bartender and other patrons, but because you're having something to eat, you don't feel like people are looking at you as if you're just trying to pick someone up!

I have always talked freely about my husband since he died. There are a handful of people who will also discuss him with me, but I would say the majority seem uncomfortable. It's not unusual. I think people are worried I'll get all emotional talking about him (and I might!) but that's OK. Like so many things about widdahood, unless you've been there ...

Many thanks to everyone for all your ideas and suggestions -- some of which I have thought of (and done) and some which had not occurred to me. Definitely food for thought in the coming months. While I have come to expect ups and downs, this last "down" was worse and lasted longer than what I might have expected at this stage. After having some time to reflect, I realize it was a culmination of things: summer getting started on the wrong foot and never getting back on track, myriad small disappointments, and probably, more significantly, a couple of minor health issues. I didn't realize how much they were affecting me until I finally started feeling better a few weeks ago. This past year had been a learning experience in so many ways, particularly in terms of who I can and can't count on and for what. While I sometimes feel a bit pressured to start thinking about a "new life," I'm not there yet. What I really need to focus on is my physical, mental, and emotional health; set boundaries; and adjust my expectations. I also need to work on not only de-cluttering my mind, but also my house (my mom died three years ago and I still have a bunch of stuff in an overflowing closet that needs to be addressed and I just haven't been able to deal with it thus far). My psychologist says I could be the "poster child" for how to effectively handle grief and I know that I have worked very hard and feel I've made much progress. Now I need to address more of the "nuts and bolts" of life -- I will not be able to move forward until I do so. For now, I sit on atop of the fence, where I may stay for a while and that's OK. Thanks to everyone for attending my "pity party."

I'm going to have to remember that "dick implant" line -- that is hilarious! While I can't relate to getting parenting advice, I can say I do receive a lot of other unsolicited advice. Apparently, my IQ dropped 40 points when my husband died and I don't know anything anymore.

I can't say I've lost friends, but most of our "couple" friends are a lot more distant. On the other hand, some people that I wasn't particularly close to before have really stepped up and have been a great help. I haven't made a lot of new friends yet, but I am going to start to try to make more of an effort. It's hard, though. I can't believe someone said you're not as much fun anymore. Really? It just goes to show how clueless people are. But I guess if you haven't lived it, you just have no idea ...