Almost 2 years out

[Marcy D.]

Hello Friends:

 

I often read YoungWidows but only posted once or twice.  I am so thankful this website was started to continue helping us through this very difficult journey.  Although I rarely posted, I often read other's posts and felt comforted that I was not alone in my feelings of grief.

 

My wonderful husband Greg died almost 2 years ago at the age of 55 from a sudden heart attack after shoveling snow.  He was walking, talking, etc., but complained of chest pain.  I called an ambulance (ignoring his protests) and he become non responsible mid-way to the local hospital.  They worked on him for 40 minutes in the emergency room but were not able to save him.  We had no children, my family pretty much checked out of my life 2 weeks after his death and it has been a very very hard road.

 

Last fall I was facing my birthday, our anniversary and the holidays and I didn't know how I could go on.  I prayed to God and to Greg for help.  At about that same time, an innocent facebook message to a high school classmate turned into many messages, then phone calls, then the offer of a date.  I am happily dating my new man, but severely missing Greg as I approach the second anniversary of his death.  My new man wants to be supportive and helpful with my grief but I feel guilty crying to him about my loss. 

 

When Greg and I married, we both owned our own homes.  I moved into his home and have lived here since 1991. I am sick of shoveling snow (can't help but be reminded that that is how Greg died) and fighting the yard.  I am seriously planning on putting the house on the market in the next few weeks and am looking at condos.

 

I am wondering if others feel the need for a new home and the tug of war between loving someone new and missing your former spouse. 

 

Thank you again to those that started this new website.  The old one truly saved my sanity on many late nights.

 

 

[AndysWife]

I was forced to move 2 months after my DH's death and it turned out to be a good thing for me to do looking back. I've spent 3 1/2 years simplifying my life and it has made all the difference - especially this last year. I think buying a condo is a great idea if you aren't a fan of outside work.

 

I've haven't started dating yet so I have nothing on that front but others will have suggestions.

[anniegirl]

Moving is not uncommon.

 

If you are feeling oppressed by the house (and the yard) and you have the means, why not move? It's a place with memories but our memories are portable.

 

I married again at 15 months out. He was a widower who was not even a year out yet. 10 months. So we both had the second year issues and anniversaries and adjustments that we dealt with in the early years of our marriage. In addition to the newly married stuff.

 

Personally, I did most of my sorting of feelings on my own anyway - because that's me, but I found that my new life and my old one didn't overlap as much as they sometimes ran parallel.

 

I doubt that your husband minds all that much that you turn to him for support. Being supportive is what a partner is supposed to do but you could simply have a conversation with him to find out his feelings. It's more likely (unless he is a widower) that he feels a bit at a loss as to what you need from him. In relationships, my rule of thumb is "when in doubt - ask". Probably he is just worried about you and wondering how he can best help, so don't feel guilty.

 

The second year can be difficult even when life itself is pretty good on the surface. Just go with it. Do what you need to for you and trust that things have a way of settling back down because usually they do.

 

I know it's not much of a comfort to know that this is normal and it will pass, but it is and it will.