The Wandering Mind - I.E. While Driving

[Captains wife]

I read somewhere in some widow book that the author thought it was surprising that widows and widowers weren't in more car accidents as that tends be a key reflection time/thinking time and time for tears. Admittedly, I let my mind really wander when I am driving (although I clearly pay attention to what I am doing on the road) and its not just related to crying about my late husband but also these various scenarios related to my current life that play out in my head. The crying times related to my husband are often triggered by certain songs on the radio that I associate with him/our time together. The issue is that my thoughts really tend to get away from me during these driving time periods.

 

Sooo - I asked my grief therapist to help me on this. She said that she has dealt with a number of widows/widowers who do the same things and she has been working with them to help "control the mind thoughts" somewhat. I wanted to pass along her helpful hint - she recommended that I stop listening to the radio and start listening to CDs of books, or Ipod casts (which are shorter) and may cover certain, relevant topics. Such things will help steer my mind away from the LH triggers or help my mind from obsessing on current things in my life.

 

Ill try this and let you know how it goes !

 

[MrsT85]

I actually started doing this right away after Tim died, for exactly the reasons you described.  Music was our biggest shared passion, and even now - over 2.5 years later - I really can't put my headphones and listen to Spotify on the train without at least tearing up.  It doesn't even matter if it's a song I've never heard before or if it's one that's come out since he's been gone - something about it will remind me of him.  On one hand, I'm grateful for it. If there's anything that Tim would want to keep eliciting a strong emotional reaction and thoughts of him, it would be music.  On the other hand, I hate it.  I feel like what used to be my favorite thing in the whole world to think and talk about isn't "safe" anymore.

 

I love podcasts - especially the comedy ones.  Early on, my two favorites were "WTF" from Marc Maron and "You Made it Weird" from Pete Holmes.  Both hosts are comedians but the interviews they conduct with their guests often cover very serious, personal and emotional topics.  And being able to hear people talk about death and other sorts of personal struggles in intelligent and humorous ways was incredibly satisfying and cathartic and valuable for me.  I know a lot of us have developed kind of cynical and morbid senses of humor - I started out with one and it's only gotten darker since becoming widowed.

 

I don't have an iPhone so I can't get them from iTunes, but I downloaded an app called Stitcher a few months ago and have been using it daily since then. 

 

 

[SimiRed]

I totally agree!  Alone in the car and just listening to music does make out minds go crazy with sadness.  I've tried audio books before, but some of the readers on them are monotone and put me to sleep!  Make sure you find one that has a good reader so they hold your interest.

[MissingSquish]

Please let us know if it helps!  I have a wandering mind myself, especially when driving too.

[donswife]

oh god yes , some times I think I shouldn't be driving because I am not paying attention

plus add the fact I have become someone who now has road rage

great combo !

 

[Trying]

It's funny, I tend to listen to talk radio a lot now, it's good company with all of the time I spend driving.  When I do listen to music in the car I usually put on the country station.  I never listened to country before DH died so there are never any trigger songs.