Parenting Boys

[mmg19]

I must say I was not prepared or expecting this change in family dynamics.  My 12 and 14 year old boys have become the most interesting conversationalists.  I've consumed myself with worry about their not having a father to confide in, ask questions, discuss concerns, etc.  I'm not so naive to think this can not change on a moment's notice; but our talks, working together around the house, discussing their latest social questions has been new to parenting and I'm enjoying it.

 

Yes, I need and miss their father's wisdom and support as I navigate the teen years.    He didn't read the child rearing books but his method was based on respect and common sense.  For those of you raising boys how are they doing?  So far they like their friends meeting me and coming to the house.  Just Sunday afternoon thoughts and my trusted friends all have girls and are dealing with issues I've never faced.    My Mom says my brothers were much lower maintenance than me. 

[Sugarbell]

My boys are 11 and almost 13. Overall they are doing very well. Both made A honor roll this past nine weeks, are involved..we talk about everything. They are very different though...the way I parent one is the total opposite of the younger one. And one is higher maintenance wanting all my time (the oldest).

 

I worried about him with his foul language a few months ago. It's been a blessing teaching 7th grade at his school. I have all his friends..and really feel I know what's going on. I realize I was being tough...and not giving him enough credit that he's really a good responsible kind kid.

 

They both eat like crazy and are growing like crazy. They argue some...we have jealousy issues Sonetimes between them...but they have become extremely close over the years.

 

I always thought I was lucky that they had each other to lean on. They are 21 months apart and really it's tough sometimes but it's such a blessing they have each other. They have shared a room since the younger one came home from the hospital.

 

Now my younger son and daughter....Those 2 bicker back and forth constantly.

 

I seem to have the boy hang out house-It's exhausting at time...but I am glad there friends hang out here (as well as neighborhood kids). they are always having kids over (like every weekend)...

 

But they are slobs....messier now than they were 5 years ago...and my housework has gone way up. It's a work in progress trying to get them to clean up after themselves (and honestly it's getting aggravating)...

 

 

[Trying]

I have 3 boys.  They were 9, 15, and 17 when we lost their Dad 2 years ago. The older 2 have had some struggles, especially my oldest who had just started his senior year in high school when DH died. Things have settled down and I really like being around them. Boys dont share a lot but when they do, they are very open and sometimes give more information than I need! They are loud, sloppy, and eat me out of house and home.  They have friends over and I love the boy energy and testosterone.  I still hate all that they are missing out on by not having Dad around, but the older 2 are stepping up for my youngest which is awesome to see.  They are all really close.

[widowat33]

I have two, 12 & 10, they were 11 & 9 when their dad died.

My oldest was closest to his dad, youngest has always been a mamas boy, and very proud of it,lol.

Youngest inherited dh's confidence, and outspokenness. Oldest inherited everything else..he looks just like him, has his sense of humour, his temperament, mannerisms, etc.. The only difference between him and his dad is he is way more sensitive than his dad was.

Two very different boys. Fight like cats and dogs. I am beginning to see them getting along better though, hopefully it continues.

We are all very close, talk openly and share how we are feeling, the oldest one not quite as much but still more than I think most boys his age. For the most part they are responsible, not always mature though. Polite, and mannerly, in fact the only time their behaviour really gets out of hand is when they are fighting with each other, which they do fairly often to my dismay! They actually like their rooms to be clean and will clean them without being asked, the main messiness in my house is from our furry family members!

They have handled losing their dad so well. It was so hard at the beginning, but as time moves on and we heal things have gotten a little easier, it will never be easy but some of the heartbreak has lessened. We laugh and tell stories about him often, and that feels so good to be able to do that.

I'm grateful for them. They have taught me way more than I have taught them!

[mmg19]

Thanks to all who shared.  One shoe certainly doesn't fit all and each of you find successes in different ways.  Being around this age group all day and seeing the influence of today's culture overwhelms me and erodes my confidence to do this alone.  2nd mantra  same as the 1st?I can do this?.

 

I admit most of my fears are unfounded.  Their academics are solid and the boys are responsible at home and at school.  The window I have to be influential in their ability to make good life choices and decisions is only 6 more years and maybe my greatest fear is ?me?.  I need to be more grateful for the backup support I have with two sets of grandparents who have been there for us.  Thinking that maybe it's my hormones at 46 that are in need of tweeking and they are right on schedule. 

[luvmy2babies]

Well, I?m in a bit of a different world.  My son is 5.  He was 2 months old when we lost his father; so he is kind of just now starting to deal with it as he figures out more and more what a father is and I know he is upset (when he thinks about it) that he doesn?t have one here.  Couple of weeks ago he asked me if his father was going to at least come and give him a hug.

 

But, the other 98% of the time, he?s a happy child, to the point people comment on it.  I?ve tried to make sure he?s allowed to be ?all boy?.  I race cars, play airplane, build train tracks, play video games.  He goes to the same barber every 2 weeks, a man with 4 sons of his own.  He has a Godfather too.  They just haven?t spent as much time together lately.  Thankfully I like sports.  He just started soccer skills training last week as he is full of energy.  His father played multiple sports as a child.  Thankfully one of the fathers decided to do this for the K-2nd graders at their school.

 

I?m in 2 different worlds most of the time.  My other child, a girl is 12, in 7th grade.  She?s the artist/geek like me; but she?s also Dyslexic with Inattentive ADHD so way more interesting than I was.

 

[Prov31cadet]

My boys are 13, 9, and 7. My husband passed away 7 months ago. I am starting to see my younger two needing a male mentor. They adored their dad! My 13 year old has grown close to our youth pastor at church. I've been praying for someone to be able to mentor them. My dad and my f-i-l  are not best filling that spot. We don't see my brothers and b-i-l that much. Has anyone ever been through this or have any suggestions? Thanks a bunch!😀