Anxiety

[Trying]

I don't often have anxiety problems, a few times after my Dad died 7 years ago, a bunch shortly after Tim died and a handful of times in my life related to claustrophobia.  Usually it's short lived, except in my early grief days.  I have a prescription for Ativan that I used to take to turn my brain down at bedtime and a few times for acute anxiety.

 

It started last night.  Maybe triggered by the terrorist attacks, I'm not sure.  I turned the news off pretty quickly after getting the basic rundown to avoid the constant loop of information.  My middle son is in DC visiting GF at college with her parents, this got me irrationally worrying about an attack on the capital. Then it spiraled into lots of irrational worry about all kinds of things. Working to hide it from the kids.

 

The rapid heart rate, feeling my pulse throbbing in my ears, unable to focus, near hyperventilating.  I tried distraction, deep breathing, guided meditation, a walk and finally Ativan and ice cream. It just won't stop. 

[Guest TooSoon]

For what its worth, I completely flipped out last night and it was definitely because I was alone  - and feeling very alone, scared and isolated - while all of that was unfolding.  Because of my work, I also have a deep personal connection to the Arab world and when the internet goes ballistic with scapegoating and vitriol, I just sort of shut down and cannot deal.  It wasn't a rational response but physiological and beyond my control.  I wound up weeping for hours until I fell asleep. 

 

Then I got up this morning and got on with my day.  Stressful things can send me right back to the crisis days when Scott was dying.  There is no linear connection between those memories and whatever event sets me off but it is real and it is scary. 

 

My therapist is convinced my responses do not fit with a PTSD diagnosis but that is how it feels on occasion and somehow its "occasionality" and the way it creeps up on me makes it doubly hard to stop it before it takes over. 

 

I hope you're feeling much, much better today. 

[IfIonlycould]

Trying I am sorry you are going through this anxiety....what is happening is all so incredibly disturbing and heartwrenching.  I am taken back to 9/11 and the absolute anxiety I went through.....watching hour after hour of it on T.V., falling asleep only to waken a few hours later and watch it all again....I remember by the weekend DH and I finally turned it to a Brady Bunch marathon and tiled the backsplash in the kitchen.  Doing something "normal" while watching "comfort reruns" seemed to quell the anxiety a bit.  I know you said that you tried distraction, meditation, etc. but have you tried just shutting it off and not allowing yourself to watch anymore? Perhaps you can find something mindless to watch or read and partake in a "normal" project that you must give your attention to to push out the thoughts that are feeding the anxiety?  Hopefully you are in bed right now as I'm writing this getting some sleep.  (((((((HUGS))))))

[Wheelerswife]

I've also faced panic and anxiety since my second husband died (and then I was diagnosed with cancer.)  I've come to realize that my biggest triggers are things that make me feel like I don't have control over what is happening.  Taking my rescue medication and trying to just go to sleep seems to be the thing that works best when things start exacerbating.

 

But that isn't working for you...and I wish I had answers.

 

Hugs, my friend,

 

Maureen

[Abitlost]

((Trying)) I hope you are feeling better. I am the queen of irrational worrying. I don't do it often, but when I do I'm ridiculous. My kids travelled (domestically) during the Ebola scare and I was completely wacko prodding them constantly with hand sanitizer. I actually said "have you heard of Ebola?!?" when they rejected my 95th squirt.

 

I think the media does play into it heavily so yes, turning it off can help. My go-to coping mechanism is exercise. I actually put my son in the baby jogger and went for a run as the news was coming in about the 9/11 attacks.

 

As a bonus, if you go with exercise, you don't have to worry about the ice cream afterward

 

abl

[Trying]

Thanks everyone, I was able to sleep last night.  I realized I haven't been sleeping well again for the past 2 weeks so maybe this has been building up and the terrorist attacks put me over the edge.  I really have not watched too much on the news because of how I am feeling but just those few images here and there are enough and having my middle son away in Washington DC where I can't protect him leaves me feeling out of control.  When I know my worries are irrational I have trouble putting a voice to them because I don't want anyone telling me I'm irrational.  I did finally talk a little to NG last night because he sensed something was off and thought he had done something to upset me.  I explained that I already know my worries are irrational so please don't waste time telling me why they are.  Unfortunately he wasn't available to come over and just hold me, I think that would've been the best thing.  I didn't have this kind of anxiety when DH was alive but when I was upset, having his big strong arms wrapped around me would make me feel safe and calm.  I am a pretty strong and independent woman but there are those moments when I miss having an even stronger man be in charge.

[IfIonlycould]

Trying  I don't think you are being irrational at all...you are having a very real response to a horrific world event.  As widows and widowers we have on a very real and personal level gone through unbearable losses.  Losses that we had no control over and like Maureen pointed out not having a sense of control can send us into the worry zone. Seeing something like what has happened in Paris can of course trigger a response especially if you were already having an odd time.  I am glad you got some sleep.  And yes, even with NG's in our lives sometimes we just want those super familiar arms around us to comfort us.  Again sending (((((HUGS))) and good thought your way.