Someone asked me out

[Guest running with scissors]

Well, this is something unexpected.  I have a neighbor who I talk with on occasion when we see one another in the neighbor hood.  He's a nice guy, very mild mannered, but I have no attraction to him.  He has my number, along with a few other neighbors  I have their numbers to.

 

  We watch out for one another,  that is the only reason we all have exchanged numbers.  I have only spoken with one elderly lady when she asked me to help her with something.  I have never spoken with this man on the phone.

 

We have all lived in this area well over 15 years.  A few nights ago I get a text from this guy saying hes been thinking for awhile now to ask me out to dinner and would I like to join him.

 

I have not dated since losing my husband over 5 years ago and I am not sure I want to venture into that yet.  I have been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety with my son, and now this text has caused me to feel more stressed out.

 

I haven't responded to him, I just don't know what to say.

 

  He is a nice guy to talk with, but that has only been very casual, over the fence sort of thing.  I don't want to just say no, no thanks as I want to keep a friendly, neighborly friendship.

 

  I have never lead this guy on.  I am still very much grieving the loss of my husband.  Any advice as to how to approach this, what to say? 

[Abitlost]

RWS, I would just be honest with him and tell him exactly what you said here: that you are grieving your husband and not dating. That shouldn't offend him and shouldn't make future encounters uncomfortable as it isn't about rejecting him but stating that you simply aren't interested in any other man.

abl

[momtokam]

RWS, I would just be honest with him and tell him exactly what you said here: that you are grieving your husband and not dating. That shouldn't offend him and shouldn't make future encounters uncomfortable as it isn't about rejecting him but stating that you simply aren't interested in any other man.

abl

 

Well said!

 

You could also agree to just go out as friendly neighbours. A night out would be nice and a nice distraction.  As long as he knows up front how you feel.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

I think if you went out with him, even as friends, you'd probably feel pressured, me I would, if he contacts you again, just say you are either in a ldr, or that you're flattered but not interested. Men don't usually understand when a woman doesn't desire to date, it's sort of an intimidation. Just thoughts.

[Mizpah]

Are you opposed to just going out as friends?  If you're not, maybe you should tell him your situation and offer to go out just as friends, and see if he's interested???  I forced myself to casually date someone before I was ready (I was about 15 months out), and it was actually really really good for me.  Not for everyone, but it helped me. 

[Guest running with scissors]

Thank you to all who responded.  I got back in touch with the guy and told him the truth.  That I am still actively grieving my husband and that this is a bad time of year for me.  He was very gracious and said he understood.  I feel this didn't affect our friendship as I have seen him around and all seems well.  Thanks you all for the advice.