Overwhelmed

[Needytoo]

Not sure why I am hesitate to talk about this but I will.  During my recovery I have found that taking care of myself was something that I haven?t done for most of my life.  By starting to do that it slowly opened me up to other things that really have helped my mental wellbeing.  Practicing being mindful, mediation and yoga really has helped me so much. 

 

I am very grateful that I gain full time employment at the college.  I have my full time permanent job but because of some ?manager oops? I agreed to help out and teach as well as well as a couple research jobs.  I agree, I have taken on way too much at work which seems to a common thing for widows in their third year.  Not sure why we do this?  When I feel that overwhelming sensation I realized I need to start doing some things for myself.  Last weekend a few girlfriends and I went away for a girl?s weekend.  It was one of the girl?s birthday and we had so much fun.  Because of going away I am extremely behind in my marking.  I am getting even more swamped at work and to top it off one of the instructors just quit so I agreed to teach his classes as well.  What the hell is wrong with me? Thank god the semester is almost over.  I am feeling so overwhelmed and I need to talk to a professional but I am too busy to even call anyone.  I try every day to at least mediate for 15 minutes. 

 

My kids know I work a lot but don?t still don?t help me around the house but complain and complain that the house is messy there is no groceries etc. etc.  When I am in a good mental spot I can handle this but Friday I wasn?t.  Came home to a disaster and freaked out on them.  Then I went into the living room and found my dog flat out on the floor with an extended abdomen brought her to the vets.  She had a splenic tumor that ruptured and she was bleeding internally, had to say good bye to best dog in the world.

 

  Yesterday I received a few calls from former colleagues regarding my dog .(use to work in vet medicine).  Very nice of them to call but they didn?t do a thing when my husband died.  They asked me to go a Christmas party.  I went had a pretty good time but that anger feeling towards them was there.  I really hate that feeling. 

 

Today is my birthday. Now I am older than my husband will ever be.  I feel very much alone and I have a headache and for some reason my pile of marking seem to have grown since yesterday.  What kind of cruel joke it that?  Thanks everyone for letting me vent.  Now I am going to tackle that marking, pity party has to wait. 

 

Today I am grateful ................................for my dog I miss her a lot and didn't realize how much food we drop on the floor now I will have to clean that stuff up, I am grateful for old friends and just maybe I can let the anger just go and have a fresh start.  I am grateful for my employer who is letting me have this opportunity to teach.  I am grateful for being here and for feeling that my husband is here with me. 

 

 

 

[swilson]

{hug} I'm sorry about your dog, man that hurts. Happy birthday.

[donswife]

I can see why you feel overwhelmed because it is a lot you are going through

its overwhelming just dealing with life itself for me

 

I am sorry about your dog and I do get the strong connection we have to our pets

they listen to everything we say and never talk back

I am glad you ended with things you are grateful for ...

Happy birthday

take care

[Gabzmom]

I am sorry you feel overwhelmed.  Take care of you.  Easier said than done, but you can say no.  Practice it.  Tell people you have a lot on your plate. It's hard for me with just one kid!

 

ETA:

 

I always had a hard time saying no and found myself taking my husband's slot on the pastoral council, being chair of trustees on our board, grief group for families, among other things.  I sat down and looked at my passions and decided to withdraw from anything not related to my support of education, women, and my kid.  I started resigning.  Stayed on the board but gave the rest up.

[Needytoo]

Thanks everyone for your responses.  I somehow managed to get my marking done and went out for a walk.  Just accepted how everything is and enjoyed the day.