Disappointed, but not surprised

[MissingSquish]

Many of you know that I've had a very difficult relationship with my parents. Some of you know that my mom's twin brother died in July. I was very close with my uncle, and his death was very sudden.

 

My mom was also extremely close with her brother, probably closer to her brother than she is with my dad. Losing her brother is probably the hardest thing she will ever go through. I've never really seen my mom cry until her brother died.

 

My father has been getting more and more intolerable to be around since then, as has my mother. Mostly, my dad has been angry, placing blame on my uncle for a thousand different things that aren't true. My father will openly insult my uncle (he did the same with Squish after he died) in front of me and my mother. I did not tolerate it, and I asked my father repeatedly to stop bashing them.

 

I went out to dinner with my parents on my wedding anniversary this year. I know they probably didn't realize/remember it was my wedding anniversary.

 

My parents have been purposely excluding me from family events that my brothers and their wives are invited to.  I confronted my mother about this issue a few months back, and she swore up and down that it wouldn't happen again. At dinner, my father revealed that he had organized plans that had excluded me and included my brothers and their wives.

 

I confronted him with the facts. I did not back down. I pressed and was in his face. He kept back pedaling, knowing he was in the wrong, and trying to make excuses for it, but not facing reality.  He said a multitude of insulting and hurtful things such as "it's not appropriate for you to attend these events if you're single" and "maybe you need to find a husband".

 

After he said I needed to find a husband, I told him to fuck off and that I never wanted to speak to him or my mother again. (My mother had literally said the same thing to me about 6 months back, and I didn't stand up then). And so I did. I haven't spoken to them since October.

 

Anyways this rant actually had a purpose. I went to my local Christmas tree place to get a wreath for Squish's grave. I added another wreath onto my order for my uncle's grave this year. I drove out, dropped off and placed the wreath on Squish's grave, and then went to my uncles cemetery. I walked up and down the rows until I finally found his site.

 

There was no wreath there. No decorations on his plot, save for a small, dead rosemary bush. I was happy that I had gotten a wreath for my uncle's plot, but angry that my family had not done anything yet for his gravesite for Christmas. My parents usually put their Christmas lights up on Black Friday every year, and I know they plan out everything.

 

They were probably never planning on doing anything for the site. My mother hasn't been to her parents mausoleum in years.

 

I don't know why I went on this whole ranty thing.

 

Cliff notes: Parents are assholes

I miss Squish a little bit

I miss my uncle a lot

No decoration on my uncles grave

[Guest TheOtherHalf]

Well, I'm glad you went on the ranty thing. It's one thing when society does this, but your own family? Not even my family would do something like that, and I have nothing to do with any of them.  They deal in other betrayals mind you, but honestly, this blows my mind. I don't know you that well, nor do I know much about your situation. All I can say is that I'm left with an impression of "who are you people and what have you done with my family? and my life for that matter?" That's what I'd be thinking and feeling, in the face of all this change, death, and alienation. Not sure if these are words of any comfort, but you have my sympathies. It also seems that the biggest, and hardest truths come at the most difficult points in life when we're already maxed out on nasty surprises.

 

(hug)

[Guaruj]

Hi MissingSquish -

 

I have missed you these past few weeks, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

 

Anyways this rant actually had a purpose. I went to my local Christmas tree place to get a wreath for Squish's grave. I added another wreath onto my order for my uncle's grave this year. I drove out, dropped off and placed the wreath on Squish's grave, and then went to my uncles cemetery. I walked up and down the rows until I finally found his site.

 

There was no wreath there. No decorations on his plot, save for a small, dead rosemary bush. I was happy that I had gotten a wreath for my uncle's plot, but angry that my family had not done anything yet for his gravesite for Christmas. My parents usually put their Christmas lights up on Black Friday every year, and I know they plan out everything.

 

I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry that it's come to this for you and that I'm glad you did something to remember both Squish and your uncle. This is the time of year when all the flowers are either dead or removed from the cemetery, so it's nice of you to place a wreath on your uncle's grave.

 

This is a difficult time of year to be widowed. I hope you find some happiness in the rest of this year.

 

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[Trying]

I'm really sorry that your parents have made it impossible to continue a relationship with them but I think you should be very proud of yourself for standing up for yourself.  I severed ties with my father as a teenager and while it was incredibly hard, it was the very best thing for me.  We don't get to pick our family but we can choose who we spend our time with.