My DD will celebrate another birthday, 5th since the death

[ieh21]

My Eldest DD had her third birthday the day after DH died. My mom insisted we host the birthday party we had planned. A small gathering of friends at my house. People were asked to show up despite the circumstances and it was fine until I announced it was enough and you can't imagine a crowd of 15 people dispersing faster.

 

I hadn't told DD about the circumstances of her third birthday. This year she will turn 8. She had no memory of her father, other than he existed in her life at some point. For the first time, I told her about the fact that the anniversary of his death is the day before her birthday. A measure of how young she really is is how little she reacted to this. She certainly didnt see how much of an effort it was to celebrate her in 2010.

 

And that is good. I am glad that she is shielded from all of this. She's just a happy kid who is turning 8 on Saturday and expects a fun treasure hunt during her sleepover with friends. Good for her!

[luvmy2babies]

Happy Birthday to her

[canadiangirl]

Treasure hunt sounds awesome.  Good for her (and you)!  Your post spoke to me (as usual) - the day before my child's 4th birthday we found out my DH had mets to his brain.  The fog I was in and the hell of going through with the party...I will never forget it.  Hugs and happiest of birthdays to your DD.

[calimom]

Jackie Kennedy did a similar thing right after JFK was killed - she hosted a birthday party for John Jr. and Caroline because she wanted them to have some normality in their young lives.  Like her, you did the right thing.  My younger children have never been terribly connected to the "anniversary of death" as their older sister and I have been, but they do always acknowledge their father's birthday, which happens to fall on Christmas Eve. We always have a moment of remembrance.

 

How are you doing with your fifth year?  It is a pretty watershed time period.  Wishing you well, and sending peace. I read the post about your friend and his family, and I'm so sorry for this impending loss and the feelings it must bring to the surface.

[Sugarbell]

You've handled it amazingly well.

 

My DH also died on my sons 3rs Birthday (he's now 11)..and the first few years on his birthday it was gut wrenching to me. Like you I didn't discuss it...we always had a family get together-bday party and plowed through it for my sons sakes (my son to this day does not know his dad died on his bday-he thinks it's 3 days later when I found his body)

 

Now I make my sons birthday as a Celebrarion of Life event. The past 4 years the day no longer makes me sad...I make it about life and my sons life...He's also my kid who always ends up with the blow outt party every year....his siblings never complain (cause there birthday party is generally small) on sons unspoken level they know.