Valentine's Weekend

[Wynne]

Hello everyone.  I am feeling blue tonight.  Valentine's has been really hard, probably the hardest holiday yet.  I think that's more because I have been alone this weekend (just the girls and I).  For the other holidays we were surrounded by family.  That's not the only thing though.  Ronnie and I never did much for Valentine's Day, it didn't hurt me too much to be left out, although I was sad.  The main problem has been what it has gotten me thinking about regarding my children.  There have been so many posts online of happy little girls celebrating the day with their fathers, going to dances, getting gifts.  One lady was even talking about how her father had gotten her a Valentine's rose every year her entire life.  My girls will never attend a father-daughter dance.  He won't be able to have their backs when they start dating.  They are only 9 and 10 now but one is already asking me what she is and isn't allowed to do regarding dating, boyfriends, etc.  Ronnie might have had the boys talk to him first,b ti what am I supposed to do?  Then I really screwed myself up by reading an article about what its like to date a girl without a father, how guarded she is.  I don't want my girls to be like that.  And I want my partner in life to help me sort things out.  THey need him so much adn I need him so much.  Crying.... 

[mmg19]

I am so sorry you are in such pain and sadness right now.  The early months are so hard.  Unfortunately there is not an antidote to stop the grief.  It is true that time is a healer or at least makes it more bearable.  Allow friends and family to give you support and help.  Your girls will be OK.  They have their Momma and you are their normal.  This board is a good place to vent and release emotions and feelings.  We understand what you are feeling.  I wish I could say the process is fast and easy.  It seems so long and hard the first year.  Breathe, drink water, and keep moving forward.  Sending you blessings and hugs.

 

[SoVerySad]

Sending you tight hugs, Wynne. It is true that our children will miss out on so many experiences their deceased parent should be here for. And it is really hard to know that we can't fix that problem for them. As their parent, we always try to make their lives as happy as we can, yet this is a hurt we can't just make go away. Next month will be three years since my husband died. My children are continuing to adjust. They are happy again in many ways, but still hurt deeply at times when they wish their dad was here. I think the best we can do is to acknowledge their loss, while simultaneously trying to mitigate their sadness in small ways we can. Sometimes that is hard when we are hurting so much ourselves, but all we can do is our best. It can be overwhelming as widowed parents to think about all our children will miss out on over the course of their lives, knowing how important the contributions our partners made to their lives. I've learned not to think about them as a whole. I don't look that far ahead. It hurts too much. I just take each situation as it comes. Again, we do the best we can.

 

Adding more hugs...

[Wynne]

Thank you for your kind responses.  I think maybe I've been so wrapped up in my own grief that I hadn't considered all the implications for my kids.  It all seemed to hit at once and I'm sure there will be more as we go along.  It's nice to have a place like this to come to when it happens.  <3