Wynne

Even on this "young widows" forum I find that many people are older than I am (38). It's discouraging to hear that kids rule you out for most people dating online. My kids are 9 and 11. I haven't put my heart into dating again yet, but I do have a profile. I may never find someone else, but I guess if it's meant to be for my family, it will be.

At Universal. 6 months before we lost him.

Thank you. It's been a trying day for me, as I'm sure it has been for a lot of people. So many memories. It makes me miss him that much more.

I'm kinda struggling with this too. Two months away for me. I bought sky lanterns, but if its going to be a yearly thing I'd rather remember him on his birthday than the anniversary of his passing. His mom wants to get together, but it sounds depressing and I don't really like being around her very much. I try to keep the kids in her life and that's about it. He loved to eat out so I thought about that. Again, more of a birthday thing? His birthday is only two weeks away so I'm kinda worried about it. I want the girls to be able to remember him too but keep things light if possible as well. I guess I just need to put more thought into it. Good luck everyone.

My Aunt very thoughtfully gave me a large stuffed tiger after Ronnie passed. I think she realized how strange it would be for me to sleep alone. Turns out, one of the girls ends up with me every night, but that is beside the point. It was a nice gesture. Some other points that resonated with me were the people looking for a wedding ring. I now sometimes feel judged as a single mother by people who may not know my situation. I know it is their problem and not mine, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I also agree with "people don't want to look at the hard things." I understand it and I don't understand it. Sh** happens everyday. How can any adult still live in a bubble of rainbows? I'm not saying to live depressed. I believe just the opposite, that sadness and tragedy bring appreciation for the good times, but shouldn't we have learned how to tolerate it in others, even to just bring the comfort of our presence? At least not to run away? I'd rather get an insensitive comment (at least its an attempt) than for someone to turn when they see me coming. It's a hurt on top of hurting that no one needs. I'm rambling. My point is that I think society should have evolved to be able to cope with loss since it is ever-present. I'm sorry. I'm just sad and hurt and angry, and mostly friendless. No one wants to hear about Ronnie. They run away when I mention him. As the author said, its not our job to put on a happy face. I still try to do it though and I'm aggravated when it doesn't pay off. Thanks for posting.

Thank you for your kind responses. I think maybe I've been so wrapped up in my own grief that I hadn't considered all the implications for my kids. It all seemed to hit at once and I'm sure there will be more as we go along. It's nice to have a place like this to come to when it happens. <3

Hello everyone. I am feeling blue tonight. Valentine's has been really hard, probably the hardest holiday yet. I think that's more because I have been alone this weekend (just the girls and I). For the other holidays we were surrounded by family. That's not the only thing though. Ronnie and I never did much for Valentine's Day, it didn't hurt me too much to be left out, although I was sad. The main problem has been what it has gotten me thinking about regarding my children. There have been so many posts online of happy little girls celebrating the day with their fathers, going to dances, getting gifts. One lady was even talking about how her father had gotten her a Valentine's rose every year her entire life. My girls will never attend a father-daughter dance. He won't be able to have their backs when they start dating. They are only 9 and 10 now but one is already asking me what she is and isn't allowed to do regarding dating, boyfriends, etc. Ronnie might have had the boys talk to him first,b ti what am I supposed to do? Then I really screwed myself up by reading an article about what its like to date a girl without a father, how guarded she is. I don't want my girls to be like that. And I want my partner in life to help me sort things out. THey need him so much adn I need him so much. Crying....

?Forgiveness is the economy of the heart.?forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.? ― Hannah More

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Of course I am not in your position, but I wanted to share some situations that were a bit similar. For several years my family was struggling daily. I don't want to say too much, but I went through some very hard times. My mother was there through it all. Mom was often told by others to stop helping us. She truly was risking her own livelihood and future by sacrificing so much for us in those years. Now though, I know that she doesn't regret it. We are stable and ok now. And when we lost Ronnie she expressed to me how thankful she was that she had done everything she could for him. She was spared the guilt she would have felt otherwise. I know my situation is not yours. Only you can decide what is right for you and your family, so I am not making any recommendations, just passing along my own limited experience. I can't imagine how hard making these kinds of decisions is for you without a supportive spouse. I will say a prayer for you, and I hope a solution or compromise of some kind presents itself soon.

That is so hard. I'm sorry you are going through it. You say that the person this came from often lies. Since there is no way for you to know what really happened I would try to choose not to believe him. I know its much harder said than done. My husband made a lot of poor choices. I sometimes feel betrayed, but I can't help but love him anyway and try to focus on the good things.

1. Dreams of my wonderful Ronnie. Last night was kind of unusual. I thought in my dream "I know this can't be real" and then I made the decision inside my dream to not it mention to dream Ronnie because it would ruin the nice time we were having. I even said to him in the dream "It was so nice spending this time with you." 2. Dreams of the future. I am just now able to think of things I may want for myself. I wouldn't call it hope, but just that I can appreciate anything enough to want it is great. 3. Fantasy dreams. Winning the lottery, great books and TV, escapism can be good and is occasionally much needed.

Of course, I don't know her, but it may help to let go of traditional expectations of a Sweet 16 party and find an alternative that she would enjoy and be memorable for her. Maybe something experiential, like a concert with a few friends, would suit her best. Just a thought.

Wow. You guys have given me lots of ideas and lots of things I hadn't considered. In this case more information has helped me focus on what are priorities in my mind and what are not. I will think on it and do what feels right. Thank you.

Hello all. I am just now getting a grave marker and I'm not sure what to do about it. When first asked (maybe the day of the funeral, or a day or two after) I said that I would get a single since I didn't know what the future will hold. When I got home I felt terrible and broke down from the guilt of saying that. Like I had hurt Ronnie's feelings. Since then I've planned on a double stone. He is in my family's plot so I will be there, which I love. I can't process the future and have no desire to remarry but I feel that discounting the possibility isn't logical. As other young widows, were any of you in a similar situation? I know I have to make a personal choice, preferably very soon, but I'm having a weirdly hard time with it. (I've actually tried to post this twice before and haven't been able to click post. I feel like a bad person thinking about it. Maybe I've answered my own question.....)

Thanks guys. You all have great things to say. I started to say that I didn't know how you guessed exactly how I am feeling, how what I described is accompanied by guilt at enjoying anything, but then I remembered that of course you understand. Thanks for the reassurances about my numbness and emotions. It's all just so much to deal with.

So I am only a couple weeks past the 6 month mark and I don't know if the shock has worn off or not. On the one hand I am able to work and get through the day mostly, albeit with a lot of forgetfulness and zero ability to focus. But I still feel numb. Sometimes I force myself to think about what happened because I worry that I'm not facing it. I'm afraid of "the shock wears off and reality sets in" (if it ever does). I wonder if what I'm feeling is normal at this point?

Lovely Guaruj?. I haven't visited Ronnie's grave that often, but it gives me great comfort and peace knowing that I will be there with him when my time comes. I know now exactly where I'll be, surrounded by my family, on a lovely hilltop, right next to my Ronnie. Also I love the beautiful quote you put up canadiangirl. My children have certainly been a huge blessing for me, but I hadn't considered what they might mean to Ronnie. Even though he passed suddenly in an accident, I'm sure he appreciates their time in his life. Now they have become his legacy on earth.

Hi. I'm new. My DD's aren't teens yet, but I am a high school teacher so I wanted to share an experience with you. While talking to my class of 17 year olds the topic of gifts came up. I was appalled that many of them don't give any gifts at all. Some said they only buy something for their best friend but not their families. I couldn't believe it, but apparently it isn't uncommon. When I expressed my surprise the response was that "it isn't my time to give gifts yet." Just wanted to share. I'm sure your girls adore you. Teens are just in another universe and sometimes don't understand how their actions affect others, especially adults.

HI. I am new here. I am glad to hear Christmas was good for you. It was our first Christmas as well. I have two DDs, ages 9 and 10. We made it to the in-laws and it was ok but sad of course. The kids wanted to have Christmas day at home for the first time ever, so I hosted this year. It was good for them and kept me busy and my mind occupied, although I would have made everything simpler if I had it to do over. Anyway best wishes for the New Year for you, me, and all of us!

Hello. I am new here. This is my first post. I may be in the wrong place because I don't know what YWBB is, but here goes anyway. I lost my Ronnie June 23rd in a car accident. It was our 14th wedding anniversary. He was 35 and I was 36. We also have two young daughters, aged 9 and 10 now. We were high school sweethearts and he was the only person who truly knew me. I am an introvert and although I have great family support I have no true friends. I am hopeful about being able to communicate with others in my situation. People are generally kind but I am already hearing talk about how my emotions shouldn't be so raw now, how I should have his stuff packed away, and my mom's hints about dating (you're kidding, right?). I am struggling with raising my kids, with how to remember Ronnie, with fears of all kinds, and with being sad and lonely. I didn't mean to vent in this post. Sorry. I also have good things in my life, mainly my girls. They give me a reason. Anyway, that's a little about me. I am looking forward to being on the boards. : )