I need to vent.

[Guest TooSoon]

So I applied for a promotion this fall, the last one I can get at my university.  I worked my tail off both to accumulate the sorts of professional recognition they look for  in a promotion file and to get top student evaluations (also part of packet). I worked every night for two months in the fall trying to put the application together.  I solicited letters from the top people in my field supporting my research. 

 

My department voted overwhelmingly in my favor and wrote a strong letter in support.

 

My boss, the chair, wrote a glowing letter. 

 

The Dean wrote an equally glowing endorsement.

 

I was feeling so good about the application going up for peer review by the University-wide promotion committee next month.

 

But today?  The Provost sent a letter saying she does not support my application.  It came completely out of left field and patently ignores everyone else's endorsement and in said letter she just completely did not even mention my research project, as if she hadn't even read my application. 

 

WTF!?  In the end part of me couldnt care less whether or not some administrator (who is, herself not active in research!) at my stupid little university validates me or my work but man,  I'm just completely shocked at being dismissed so summarily in the face of so much support from all other corners, including admins.  It doesn't mean I won't get promoted in the end but it felt like getting kicked in the stomach when I opened that letter today. 

 

I'm going to stop now before this devolves into profanity.   

 

 

[marian53]

Having come from the "culture" of academe, I understand this kind of FUCKING BULLSHIT. I am so very sorry, I know that letter was a blow- but a low one.

This is the type of shit that makes it so much easier to leave.

much love and royally fuck her,

Marian

[Guest TooSoon]

You know, the funny thing is I never thought I would want to leave but I do.  I want out; I've felt this way for a while now but this is just more evidence that I'm over it.  I'm finished trying to prove myself to these people.  It simply is not worth it.  I've never been a "teach and leave" faculty member; I've allowed this place to seep deep into my personal life because I believe in what we do and I take it very seriously and she knows it, so I just don't understand how can she just make such a judgment when a) all evidence points to the contrary and no one else agrees with her assessment, and b) she didn't even respect me enough to inquire about my project which she very clearly doesn't understand (and yes, it is digital research but its not like the internet is something new) before just up and officially invalidating it? 

 

I guess that is what you get to do when you are the Provost (apologies to any and all widowed provosts who might read this).

 

I'm so disgusted right now. 

[SoVerySad]

I'm sorry, TS. I know how much work you put into it. I would feel totally pissed to have received a response which indicated she hadn't even given your full profile due consideration.

 

I don't even know what to say other than that completely sucks and I'm sending you love and support. Oh how I hope it gets approved despite her.

 

Tight hugs...

[Trying]

It sucks how one negative person can supersede all of the positive support you have gotten. I know how much time and heart you have invested in this, of course it stings. Let the profanities fly!

[Wheelerswife]

Wow, my friend!  I am so sorry that your provost had the gall to ignore the positive recommendations for promotion!  I know how hard you have worked on your research and I've seen the evidence strewn about your office!  I know that this is a full punch to the gut.  I wish I knew what to say...

 

I know you recently said that you are seriously considering letting go of your tenured position and making a move that will enhance your personal happiness.  Even if this is the case, it will certainly be good for you and your stature to be leaving as a full professor.  I hope the fight isn't over.  I hope your chair fights for you.  What do they gain by denying you this promotion????

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Guest TooSoon]

My rant might not yet be over.  I'm trying to sort out how she could come to such a different conclusion than everyone else has up to this point and am wondering if she didn't have access to all of the endorsements mentioned above and my complete dossier.  Oddly enough, my mood is dark but I'm not an emotional basket case over this at the moment.  It just doesn't add up.

 

But here is the rant:  work has been what has kept me sane.  It has given structure and purpose to a life that has so often in the past 5 years not made any sense at all.  I've never been competitive other than to compete with myself to try to do more and do it - whatever it happens to be at any given time - better than is expected of me. 

 

I had just started this research project in Rome when my husband got sick in early 2011.  I obviously, and willingly, shelved it for 3 years while he was sick and after he died but it is the culmination of all of my work since I started graduate school in 1995.  This isn't work for me; it is a pleasure and a privilege to do this work,; it is my chance to make a lasting contribution to my field and to put into practical use being a specialist on ancient Roman Carthage (talk about arcane!) so I'm a bit miffed she's been so flip about dismissing it (the letter literally did not mention my project at all; it was a shock to read - like for her the project doesn't exist at all in spite of my taking students with me to Rome every summer, sometimes at my own expense....which she also knows).  Ironically, a jury of my peers at the university recently awarded me the maximum amount of funding any one person can get to pursue this project, yet the Provost dismisses it.  It is oddly incongruous.  I should be hearing about another grant - a much bigger one - in the next week.  I've got all of my fingers and toes crossed.  I plan to set up a meeting with her to try to ascertain why she can't wrap her brain around what I do.  But not until I calm down.....

 

I try very hard not to be demanding/needy in the workplace, but if I don't meet with her I will forever wonder if there was a misunderstanding or  mistake and hate myself more for not following through on this and standing up to make my case.  It is not easy for me to do that. 

 

Again, thanks for the support and a safe place to let this out as I try to figure it out. 

[SoVerySad]

I think the meeting is a great idea, rather than wondering, etc.. My favorite ever boss taught me to approach delicate situations like this starting out with, "please help me understand...". I still remind myself to use it vs. how I would really prefer to start the conversation. I think she owes you an explanation given all the other positive support documentation you provided, however I know nothing about the politics of your field. I just know that you rock!

[Trying]

I'm glad you are going to follow up with her, you need to know what she is thinking, or not considering.  Keep us posted, you've got my support for whatever that's worth!