Teens checking in

[Momtojandj]

My kids really don't get the fear I have when they don't answer their phones . I text , call . No answer .. I panic . For teens that phones are glued to their hands. Ugh . My husband was killed on his motorcycle . I came home to police in my driveway . I need them to understand my fear . Deep breath.

[rifatheroffour]

Regardless of the way we lost our spouse I completely understand the teen issue.  Last year I had to have the same serious discussion about not responding when I try to find them.  I get they don't use the "phone" but when home their response time to texts is amazing so why can't it be the same when we text them!  I made it very clear what my expectations were and at the same time make sure I don't abuse it either.  They are expected to let me know where they are going and when.  I try to give them as much free range as possible but responsibility comes along with that freedom.

[Momtojandj]

Ri .. You are correct they need to let us know where they are and going . I also try not to blow up their phone as they say , but frustrating and scary for me when I call, text etc and no response .

[klim]

I get you. I've had to repeat that "breathe" instruction to myself so many times.

 

To make things worse for me one of my boys is not glued to his phone...he didn't even want one, I made him get it. It hasn't really helped though because half the time it's out of battery or he didn't grab it when he went out.

 

Good thing is your teens are going to grow up and be more independant and what's happening now is just preparing you that.

 

My older one headed off to Uni and I thought oh my goodness how will  I adjust to not knowing where he is and what he's doing.Guess what , I did......and I think all those smaller doses of "i don't know where my kid is"  helped me get ready.

 

The only time I've been very strict about them having to answer me and very strict about being available is actually when I went on vacation.  I told them I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if I didn't know they were safe. At one point I didn't get an answer, so called my neighbour and made her knock on the door to get my son to answer his phone. Yea, a little extreme but my neighbour said she understood. .....and you know what ever since then when I go away and tell my son he better answer my texts ...he does.

[RobFTC]

Yes, this makes me crazy.  We have iPhones, and they are set up as related devices so that we can all see each other on "Find My iPhone" - that helps.  If they are where I expect them to be, I can relax a bit.  Traveling last week, I tried about five times to phone or text #1 daughter, and only got to her by having someone else had her the landline handset.  After discussing her unreachability with her, she finally picked up the cell phone call on the last day of my trip.  She will have that phone go quiet for a few days.  I pay for phone service, and have an option to basically turn the phone into a stick that happens to be able to call or text me or her sister, and little else.  Reminding the kids who really like their phones who is paying the wireless bill helps sometimes :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Portside]

Guys and gals, be careful what you wish for.

 

When he was in HS, my youngest son was like your kids - he rarely called to tag up and let me know what was going on. It drove me batty.

 

Now, as a 20 yo and a gunner's mate in the Navy, he FaceTimes me whenever the mood strikes him and he has connectivity.  Yesterday when he called, I could hear a wicked firefight going on in the background. I know what they sound like.

 

"Hi Dad, I have a few minutes - we're waiting for CAS (Close Air Support) to roll in." 

 

I don't think I am going to answer anymore.

 

I'm not convinced the technological ability to reach any one, any time, any where is truly an advance.

 

If I pull the covers over my head, the monsters can't get me - right?

 

Mike

[rifatheroffour]

Mike,

 

Ok, terrifying! and yet it made me laugh out loud, I'm sorry. 

 

You are absolutely right there are some things I'd rather not know.  Funny that my oldest now in college will call me just to chat and talk about nothing...when the hell did he ever do that before he left.  And it's always when I'm in the middle of something.  He always asks if this is a good time.  I try to be honest but since I'm always running behind on something I don't want to discourage him all the time.  I always try to remember the "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin. 

 

Just looking for simple common courtesy not play by play descriptions of their lives.

 

Rudi

[ieh21]

OK you guys are going to laugh at the naivet? of my question, just remember I am the mom of a 5 yo and an 8 yo, so what do I know?

 

Does it help at all to tell them that they are in possession of the device primarily for the purpose of keeping in touch with the parent? And as such, if the device isn't used effectively for its main purpose, then its removal is the next logical step?

 

I guess not...

 

And Mike, ehm, in such situations, how would they even have time to chitchat with dad?? Isn't that a sort of a crisis or something? Don't they have emergency situation things to do?? Modern warfare eludes me.