Wheelerswife Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Just over 2 years ago, my second husband John (Polarbear on the old YWBB) died very unexpectedly in his sleep. I was extremely devastated. Twelve days later, I started having medical issues and six weeks after he died, I had major surgery. Two weeks later, I received the dreaded diagnosis of a rare and aggressive cancer called leiomyosarcoma. I live in the sticks of Western Kansas, and I needed to see a specialized oncologist. Some of my widow friends, pictured above, were not going to let me do this alone. All of the people in this picture were members of the old YWBB, the precursor to this board, and they probably lurk around here, too. Some of these people I had met before, others I had only known through board messages and the chat room. I had come to know them after the death of my first husband, and some of these people had met my second husband. They came from New York, New Mexico, Texas, Missouri, Tennessee, and Arkansas to Wichita, Kansas to spend a weekend with me and one of them even went with me to my first oncology appointment ever. I think I just want to impress upon people that widow support has been so critical to my survival and I hope that many of you, especially those of you who are newer, can reach out to other people here and find friendship with them. Each of us has different needs and that's okay, too. Virtual connections are real connections as well. I know it can't be forced, but if you resonate with someone, shoot off a PM. You might find a friend or 7. The chat room, although I haven't been there in forever, can be a great place to start conversations, whether serious or silly. As for me, the one in the plaid flannel, I am followed at a different cancer center now and amazingly, I have had no further signs of cancer since my surgery...but I know that my widow friends would find ways to support me should my future scans show that the ugly beast is back. Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 As usual Maureen is an inspiration and cheerleader to many of us here. ;D I met her at my second Bago about 9 months after my wife died and am so glad I did as she made me feel welcome, as did everyone else, among a group of people I had never met before except one. Many of the people I met that day I count among my friends and have been lucky enough to meet them again and again. For me the support of the old board and now this place have been invaluable to keeping my sanity along this journey. I don't post as often as I used to or maybe should but I still come to read as often as I can or need. I recently went back to read some of my original posts on the old board, yes I was lucky enough to save most all of them. And I'm amazed at how much I wrote back then, for me at least as a fairly private person. My point is, to echo Maureen, to let those that have been here know how thankful I am for your thoughts and support and to those newer in this journey that reaching out as scary as it may be for some has wonderful and long lasting benefits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 Okay. I wasn't expecting a love fest, but I'm going to put in my $0.02 about some other folks, too. RIFF is a dear friend, and I have others who are dear to me on the east coast, where I lived with DH1. I was at a bago the day my second husband died, and RIFF and several others were with me. After I finally heard from the police that they had found my husband and he was dead, word spread quickly. I was met by other widow friends and taken to their home. Widow friends who had disbanded from the bago turned around and came back to my friends' home. The next day, others, many of which had traveled 2-3 hours to get to the bago the day before, again drove in to Connecticut to spend the afternoon with me. Some others that I had never met came up from New York City. The list of people who have been there for me is too long to write. It isn't too good to be true. People here...just like you and me...are that amazing. I have tears on the keyboard now. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Maureen, you are truly loved by many! Maureen flew to visit me in March 2009, after our husbands died in September 2009. Thank you, I loved the time spent with you and Avery. I'll always remember stepping out of my element to visit with you and Toosoon in Philly too. A most treasured moment in my life. People here are amazing, words have a lot of power and the virtual friends that have been made are long lasting. As Maureen and RIFF said, Reach out, Have fun, find support, make friends and mainly, and I do mean this from the bottom of heart, never give up. Never give up on yourself. Life is rough, life is unfair but life can be beautiful too. If you never give up, you may find that day when the smile comes back on your face. And when it does come back, for the first time in however long it's been, you will notice, look back on your experience and find a surge of inner strength that will carry you through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 Tracey, you have had mini-bagos! You were the first widow that I traveled to meet....and we met up with Avery and the three of us talked from 4 PM until they kicked us out of Chili's at closing time. And...we had a mini-bago in Philly 2 years ago with TooSoon! Don't discount the one-on-ones and small group get-togethers! Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LTSLforever Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Maureen - thanks for sharing that picture. You all look happy - so many smiles. It's hard to believe I will ever be happy again. I have read a lot of your posts and you are amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torn Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Beautiful post and a firm confirmation of hope and the loving support of community. You stay blessed & I pray that all your scans remain clear & your able to recapture things in life we loose touch with when we are critically ill. Great story and thanks for sharing hope with others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 Maureen - thanks for sharing that picture. You all look happy - so many smiles. It's hard to believe I will ever be happy again. LTSLforever, The picture above was taken about 2 months after my second husband died. I was incredibly miserable and just a few weeks after abdominal surgery. BUT...I had my widow friends with me. You would be surprised how easy it is to smile and laugh (even with a healing incision!) and have happy moments when you are with people who get you, and you can be authentic. Underneath the smile you see on my face in this picture is the Maureen that was wavering between wanting the cancer to just kill her quickly and the Maureen that knew deep down that she would get through this, somehow, with the love of friends and and some personal resilience, too. Believe me, two years after this picture, it isn't all roses. I do find that I can smile and laugh, but there is a lot of time that I still spend alone and remembering the life I had...the life I wanted, the life I still want, but I can't ever have. Sometimes, that is hard to reconcile in my head. I find I live less of my life in the past and more of it in the present, and sometimes I can have my eyes fixed on the future. I live for the hope of happiness again and I try to use this in-between time to slowly prepare myself for what will be coming...a new career, probably a move, the need to be open to the possibilities. I hate not knowing what the future will bring, but I know I want more than I have right now...more happiness, more love, more friendship, more satisfaction in my work. Gosh, I didn't expect to ramble... Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 Beautiful post and a firm confirmation of hope and the loving support of community. You stay blessed & I pray that all your scans remain clear & your able to recapture things in life we loose touch with when we are critically ill. Thank you, Torn. I'm not sure just how I came to be one of the fortunate few who have not had early recurrences of this cancer, especially since my tumor was growing quite rapidly when it was removed. The further out I get, the easier it is to have a vision of life where this cancer is less likely to welcome itself back into my life. At this point, I know I want to share my life with someone really special again...but that someone special (are you out there!?) is going to have to accept my known risks. That is a lot to ask of someone. In the meantime, I just try to live the life ahead of me...and at this particular moment, that means doing my homework! Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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