getting out of a loop

[ieh21]

I find it really hard, living alone, to get myself out of mental loops. I can't always bother my friends, my torments are rather minor in reality, yet they torment me mercilessly and it affects my mood.

 

Today I had a large document to prepare. I did with success. I used an Outlook list, double-checked everyone was on it, then hit send. No sooner did I hear the "ding!" of my colleague's computer that I heard her holler that one person was missing from the list. WHAT?? Clearly I did something wrong. I went back and sent the document to the missing person. Simple as that, he now has the same info as everyone else, no harm done.

 

Except I've been tormenting myself for HOURS about this. I want to kick myself for having made this mistake, not the least because my colleague saw it (i.e. my ego is hurt that the mistake was public). Ironically, I'm very forgiving of the mistakes of my employees and colleagues. As long as things are fixed, it's all good.

 

When Joe was alive, he would either make me feel better, or distract me by virtue of being there and distracting me. Now, once the children are in bed, there's nothing but me and the hamster in my head. How do you get rid of the hamster?

[BrokenHeart2]

ieh21, that seems to be a pretty inappropriate way to let you know someone was left off the Too list.  What ever happen to a simple reply by email to let you know.

I hear you about the hamster in your head!

[Trying]

Maybe your hamster and my hamster need to run away together and leave us the hell alone.  I've been in a loop of beating myself up over a million little things this week so I can't give you advice but I can keep you company.

[BrokenHeart2]

I guess the 3 of us are in good company then!  Exhausting as it is.

[twistedmensa]

Maybe your hamster and my hamster need to run away together and leave us the hell alone.  I've been in a loop of beating myself up over a million little things this week so I can't give you advice but I can keep you company.

 

Can my hamster join?

[donswife]

oh I so hate that hamster !!

[BrokenHeart2]

Awe, seems we all have that pesky little busy hamster!

[Guest TormentedTwoStep]

I have this same problem.  The negative self talk that constantly goes on in my mind.  "If I'd done more, she would still be alive.  If I'd not made stupid relationship mistakes, I'd still have my chapter 2.  I'll be alone the rest of my life because I can't get control of my weight.  I'm a miserable screw up and I'm going to lose my job after 23 years of stellar performance.  I'm a loser for not being strong enough to get through the sadness and hurt and just move on."

 

And then the little stuff starts."You shouldn't have said that-you're stupid and insensitive.  You shouldn't have posted that on your page, you sorry little drama whore.  I don't care if it's triggering-sane people clean bathrooms once in a while.  You don't visit your parents enough-they resent you.  You don't bring enough to your relationships-you'll never have a meaningful one again.  You're a whiner-no one wants to be around you.  You missed a deadline-you should be fired.  Pizza again?  Really? And you say you want to get in shape and attract someone?"

 

It is exhausting and never ends.  It's a self defeating and self feeding cycle that threatens to turn every one of us into literal dead people walking, just waiting to ride out our time.  My therapist has been working with me very intensively to break that cycle, and when the self doubt and negativity starts, break it by proclaiming something you know to be true about yourself.

 

"I accepted criticism with grace and immediately fixed the problem.  I'm not perfect, but I'm efficient."

"I don't have the best body, but I'm told I have amazing eyes."

"I'm fiercely loyal to those I love."

"I may be sad, but I still meet my responsibilities."

 

It sounds crazy like all the Stewart Smalley stuff from the old SNL sketch.  But you have to convince yourself with these silly affirmations that in reality are true.  And it's slowly working.  In an odd way, focusing on negative self awareness is not only self defeating, it's an odd sort of self centeredness that places all focus on my needs, my deficiencies, my problems, my misery.

 

You're all better than that-I've watched you all extend amazing kindness and grace here, and do downright amazing things when the circumstances were against you.  Don't just chase out those little rat bastard hamsters.  Kill 'em with kindness for yourself.  You deserve nothing less whether you believe it or not.

[Guest TooSoon]

How have my hamster and your hamsters never met?  I am the queen of self-flagellation and non-stop mental self-doubt.  It is exhausting and you're right - when there is no one to put a punctuation mark at the end of the ceaseless loop in my head, it can become completely debilitating.  The relentless nights are so, so hard but the one thing that helps me most is to put my headphones on and go for a walk, even a short one, just to try to change the dialog.  Wish it weren't so but I get it.

[ieh21]

wow you guys! Amazing, as always. my hamster went to sleep. And has now left until the next "crisis". I hope you all have a good, hamster-free weekend.

[canadiangirl]

With you.  No idea how to get out of the loop.  My brain:

 

[BrokenHeart2]

Awe CG thanks for imagining my brain too. When we don't have our significant other to bounce our thoughts, feelings or hardships off of like we had used to I feel like this is what happens!

Widda strong (or crazy like I feel some days )

 

[Torn]

We all on several levels are forced to go through this it seems.

  After years and years of marriage we each had fully adapted to a spouse.

Each of us have years of being with a person who,would notice us:

Stuck in a rut

Caught up in worry

Feeling insecure

    All these things are really tough to retrain ourselves to work through.

  I've been trying my best to imediatly think of a positive,every time I think of a negative,trying is key here .

 

So as my hamster wheel starts to turn,I've been stopping the hamster and telling the hamster how cool of a hamster he is,in effort to get this hamster to look in his toy mirror & get off of that wheel .

  to all you guys hamster out there ...lol

 

[hikermom]

Love the CT scan of my head - how did you access my medical records!

 

Seems like a common ailment. I am my own worst critic, even when I know that no one else really gives a damn or are even likely to remember what I did or didn't do 10 minutes later. Those are the thoughts that keep me up at night or wake me up. The worst is not having someone to do a reality check with.

 

I've lately tried simple meditation - just 5 minutes of deep breathing while focusing on the words "peace" and "love" and "abundance" - I do two or three deep breaths with the first word, then two or three with the next, etc. I am amazed how quickly that can move me out of the negative brain spiral. Sometimes it is just a temporary reprieve but I'm hoping that as I continue to deepen my practice, it will improve many things.

 

Clearly, you aren't alone and your hamster could have lots and lots of friends!

[BrokenHeart2]

Damn those pesky little rodents!