Time matches on-checking in

[widowat33]

I haven't been around here much lately..life has been busy. But I've been missing the place that was my lifeline in the earlier days. I would come here to feel "normal", to feel understood. Recently I realized I feel normal again..not the same as before, but my life is going well.

I finished my two year college program a few weeks ago, there were times I wasn't sure I would be able to, or if I had even made the right choice in picking that particular field. Now I'm confident that I made the right choice. I'm working, just on a casual basis, and watching the job ads for something that fits what I want to do, and of course checking out upgrading options as well.

My boys are doing well. Grades are the highest they have ever been. They are social and outgoing, involved in sports and extracurricular activities and they are the most thoughtful, caring and funny kids I know. I'm so proud of their resilience and strength.

I realized recently that my dh is not on my mind all the time anymore..I don't wake up thinking about him, instead I am thinking about what I'm going to do that day..of course he crosses my mind at times and I will miss him always..but I have a sense of contentment that has been missing for awhile.

Despite my insistence that I did not want a relationship again, I did join a dating site, just to see what was out there. I have met a few guys, and although it did not develop into anything we remain friends, which is what I need now more than anything I think. I will never find another man like my dh, and I'm not looking for someone exactly like him, but just someone who has the same values.

The biggest change in my life is my outlook. Life is short, as we all know too well. I am trying to live it to it's fullest. I have been taking better care of myself. Walking has become my therapy. I actually look better and feel better than I ever have..dh and I used to joke that since we were married we let ourselves go I have been losing weight, getting my hair and nails done, but I do this for myself and my self esteem is at it's highest. He made me feel beautiful, when he died I didn't feel like that anymore..so now I'm realizing I can't rely on someone else to make me happy, I need to do that for myself!

 

So life is good..but it can change in an instant. For now I'm just enjoying the good parts, trying not to worry if or when that can change!

 

[Trying]

Such a wonderful post to read, I'm so happy to hear that you are embracing your life.

[Taurus]

...My boys are doing well. Grades are the highest they have ever been. They are social and outgoing, involved in sports and extracurricular activities and they are the most thoughtful, caring and funny kids I know. I'm so proud of their resilience and strength...

 

Nice post. Very interesting re. your two boys. My/our 2 daughters are exactly the same - they are handling the loss of their mum a lot better than I am, and they are doing extremely well. Our older graduated with her 3rd degree in May last year - 6 weeks after mum left us. The graduation was very tearful as we remembered her graduation the previous year when we were a whole family  :'( Our young one is top of her class academically and is also a very good athlete and dancer. I often wonder whether she applies herself more and more as a coping mechanism. When we visit mum's gave, I see the pain on their faces and it cuts me up...

 

Congratulations on your outlook and life adjustments. Contentment..not an unreachable state to aspire to..