Get what you ask for?

[serpico]

She was the only happiness I had in my life.  That was too much pressure on her.

 

This was the exact thing that my first post-loss 'love' told me when she ended our relationship. It hurt like hell, and I reacted badly with accusatory emails, etc.  It was the wrong way to handle it but it was righteous (I thought at the time) anger and I was venting. I know I hurt her with my accusations, though, and once I calmed down (months later) I felt terribly about it and I sincerely apologized to her and to her credit she forgave me.

 

There will be no quick fix for this, I'm sorry to tell you. A good friend told me that I needed to 'sit in it' - to just sit in the anger, embarrassment, and frustration that I felt and take it all in.  Then rinse and repeat as necessary. And it sucked. Big time. But it did help me over time.

 

The old nuggets that people trotted out to me - 'It's always darkest before the dawn' and 'When one door closes another one opens' - were infuriating at the time, but there was some truth there. I'm hoping you can find some peace with this while having patience with the process of letting her go.

[mikeeh]

No anger from me.  Just loss and tears.  Lots of tears.

 

When I lost my wife I had 4 years of illness that prepared my for it.  The relationship morphed and changed as she got sicker and we lost her so much by bits and pieces that by the time I lost her it was I was readier.  This just came from out of the blue.  And I just don't even know how to cope with it.

 

Because she is right, and it was too much pressure and responsibility on her shoulders to be my happiness.