piecesofapart Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 It will be/would have been our 20th year wedding anniversary on Saturday- we made it to 17. I always said we'd go on a cruise for our 20th. Well now I just want to crawl under the covers. I should have taken off work tomorrow- but now it's too late to get a back up for me - I don't want to mention it to my bosses- even though they are compassionate- I just feel weird mentioning it- as I know I'll cry and don't think work/in front of bosses is the place to do that. I hope I can keep it together and not fall "a/part" until I get home. I don't even know if anyone will remember- i.e. my family/few friends I have left... My MIL is great...as it was her son..so she's missing him too- and she's the only one I feel I can talk to- because she "gets it". But my parents are not very supportive - I guess they don't know what to say- but it hurts when they just want to change the subject quickly. I know they don't want to hear/see me sad- but it's worse to pretend to "not" be sad. Ugh..all this is giving me anxiety. I always talk to me parents on the weekend- and lately all my mom does it complain about Everything- and I just know I won't be able to take it. But if I don't answer the phone she calls and calls....so best to get it over with. I want to do something "special" but have no idea what...this is the second one without him...first one my MIL made an appointment to have someone give an estimate at my house which I rent from her- at first I said no-it's my wedding anniversary (she did not even remember...) then I said..well it's just another day- life goes on..but then I felt awful afterward- as the guy giving the estimate made a negative comment on the way my husband did repairs on what we needed done again... what have you all done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatianakm Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Yesterday was our 19th wedding anniversary and the first one without him... At night I had a vivid dream of him putting his head next to my pillow and he was smiling. I woke up, but the moment was so peaceful that found myself smiling. I really wanted to dream of him, but did not; the medium I saw told me that I am so consumed with grief, he can't "get in" and to be patient and it will happen. And it did! On our wedding anniversary! You see, I could go on like this forever, if we only exist together in my dreams... I went to the cemetery and sat next to his tomb for a while, thanking him for our life together, for making me the happiest woman for coming to me in a dream...he always kept his promises...I told him how much I am thankful for our daughter, who looks just like him... Later I had an appointment with the estate attorney to sign the new deed on the house, transferring it from his name to mine. Got there a little early and sat in a corner cafe, alone, among strangers busy and preoccupied with their lives, sipping my latte and reading...what else...Widda.com forum. Returned home and spend the rest of the day with my baby- she was actually exactly 4 months old, so amusing, she is teething and wants to bite everything... Toasted our anniversary with a glass of gewürztraminer- his favorite. Went to bed hoping to dream of him again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingMyJon Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 piecesofapart, First, I am so sorry you have to spend your wedding anniversary without your love. It sucks to be without them on such a special day. My wedding anniversary is also Saturday, and have spent the last week in tears, trying to figure out how to cope with the day. Saturday will/would have been our 5th anniversary, my 3rd without him. Since I will have my youngest with me (she is 4), and doesn't really understand the concept of a wedding anniversary, my goal on Saturday is to keep busy. I will get together with my FIL for a bit, as well as hopefully get a project or two worked on around the house. I did take today (Friday) off from work, as I have been a blubbering mess the whole week. And I will use the day to either go to the beach (we got married at the beach), or maybe even work on our wedding album, as we have everything digitally, but this past week I have been wishing I had a photo album of our wedding to look through pictures. Or maybe I will just spend the day in bed. I don't know what I will do in the end. I hope you find a way to get through the day, Sending you hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 “It will be/would have been our 20th year wedding anniversary on Saturday- we made it to 17. I always said we'd go on a cruise for our 20th. … Well now I just want to crawl under the covers.” ((piecesofapart)) Anniversaries are difficult, especially in the early years, and even later (for some), because they shine a glaring spotlight on what is missing and highlight the unfulfilled hopes and dreams we shared with our loved ones. It is an especially lonely feeling when most others have forgotten or ignore it for their own reason. But at least WE can make sure that our loved ones are not forgotten by holding them close in our heart. "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." ~~ Thomas Campbell As to dealing with anniversaries, unfortunately there is no magic elixir or universal coping method. Each one of us has to find his/her own way, based on our unique circumstances and personalities. But, we can try to recall loving memories that bring us comfort and hold onto them. "My arms reach out through time and space And hold each memory in place." ~~ June Masters Bacher Wishing you Peace and Serenity as your mind travels back in time. ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catnip Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Today is my wedding anniversary. June 14, 1980. It should be 36 years, instead, we only made it to 26. But I am proud to be his wife. If I had to do it all over again, knowing how it would end, I would. I keep thinking back to that day of joy. I did one of the readings in the church. That's why I did a reading at his funeral; the beginning and the end of our lives together. I'm at work today. We should be going out to dinner to celebrate tonight. Instead, I'll go home to leftovers. Now, I'm proud to be his widow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Hi, Catnip. These days can be so melancholy, eh? I would do it all over, too, but still, I feel so wistful on days like anniversaries. It is good that we have known great love in our lives. I just wish we weren't left for so long without our loves with us. Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatianakm Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 It totally resonated with me as well, @Catnip! Well said! I would do it again in a heartbeat and oh, if my life had to turn out this way and I had to become a widow, I am proud to be HIS widow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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