O.T. Drugs and old friend

[Sugarbell]

Can't share this anywhere else...so sorry I am blabbing. My folks have been neighbors with several families for over 40 yrs. One family-right next door had a daughter 2 years older than me that I grew up with. She was always wild, but smart..As a young kid I looked up to her..she taught me how to twirl a baton, make the cheer squad, etc. I started sneaking out at 14..going to her house, drinking partying etc.

 

My Mom obviously couldn't stand me running with her...it was trouble. But she had good qualities too..and was 2 years older so we had separate school friends..it was more a neighborhood friendship.

 

She became a nurse..long story shortened...lost her nursing license 2 years ago. Opiates, stealing pain killers repeatedly. I think she had always been a high functioning alcoholic..but opiates sent her over the edge.

 

Now..divorced, lost her home, sold all belonging for heroin. Is homeless living on the streets of Memphis shooting up. Last time her folks talked to her (3 weeks ago) she was in a homeless shelter. They won't let her come home until she agrees to go inpatient long term to rehab. She won't. She is bullheaded and self destructive.

 

Just makes me ill for her and her family. Her brother is a successful engineer/plant manager. He used to party with us (he's 4 yrs older than me).. but never pushed the bounds like she did..didn't cross the threshold.

 

What a waste of intelligence and talent. ..and it makes me really reflect that it could've been me.

I hate drugs...I call them the earths demon.

[twin_mom]

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood friend. Addiction sucks and effects so many people, not just the user.

 

And it is surprising to me someone's looking back where i ended up vs where others did, sometimes I really feel "it's by the grace of God I'm xxx and not yyy'.... Which just scares me for my children, because I think we all can look back and see that there were probably less than a half dozen times that if we had made a different choice we would have ended up in such a different place

[Sugarbell]

Thanks TM

 

Yes it does...I am going on 5 years clean from pills...yet I work recovery everyday cause I know I am one pill away from going back to where I was. It is devastating on the family of addicts.

[ladybug]

So very sorry to hear about your friend.

 

But for the grace of God go I......One day at a time is all any of us can do.....sometimes I can only do one hour at a time.

 

Been there and done that way too many times.

 

Thanks for sharing. 

[kjs1989]

Life can lead us on such a strange path. I have a friend of 35 years. We went to school together and ended up college roommates. She didn't drink in college. Did not like the taste of any sort of alcohol. Did not like the feeling of being a bit tipsy. Pretty much a teetotaler.

 

When my husband and I were dating we introduced her to a friend of his and they married two months after D and me. We soon ended up living in the same city.

 

We had kids around the same time. We did things as couples.

 

Then, somewhere along the line when our kids were in elementary/middle school she stopped returning my calls. No rhyme or reason. Our husbands still talked occasionally, but when my husband would ask about her and pass on my well wishes, nothing further was ever said and the subject was dropped.

 

Two years went by and I really missed her, but had pretty much given up on our friendship.  I had tried so hard to make contact. Then a mutual college friend called and had moved to the area. She wanted the three of us to get together. I took one more chance and called my friend. She actually returned my call this time time, and she was open to getting together.

 

The three of us had a great time. So many laughs and it felt so good to be with her again. I did not bring up the two years of silence. But, she did.

 

On the drive home she said she had something to tell me. I was taken back for sure. I was like...okay...

I figured she was going to tell me she had marital problems, something about her family or kids. Instead, she told me she had been a raging alcoholic in those two years of no contact. Drinking cheap warm beer, up to 20 a day, and hiding the bottles in the drop ceiling of the basement. She would black out and not remember anything for days. The drinking had started as a desperate attempt to try to self-medicate back pain. Finally at his wit's end, her husband, with the help of a doctor, had her forcibly admitted to rehab.

 

The rehab staff was quite stunned at my friend's lack of drinking history. No one in her family has a history of substance abuse either, that they could determine. Of course, she learned in rehab she has personality traits which  predispose her to addictive behaviors, and it was manifested through alcoholism this time. 

 

I am happy to say she is back to her old self again. All I can say about that time is that I wish I would have known so I could have helped her. I thought it was me, something i had done. I would have broken her door down to help her if I had only known.

 

When D died two years after her recovery, she was the friend by my side immediately. She was there for me. I wish I would have been there for her.

[Guest nonesuch]

I worked with a young woman who was a recovering drug addict.  She had worked in a doctor's office, I think, and began experimenting with drugs, eventually stealing a prescription pad and writing her own.  When caught, the judge gave her the option of going through rehab and having her record expunged.  She wisely took the offer.

 

So she has no record, but of course there were newspaper reports of the arrest and the proceedings. Whenever she advertises for a room mate to share an apartment, anyone who googles her name will see those.  Staying sober was something she said requires daily effort.  I can only imagine what that is like. She also has sponsored others on their journey, but she told me one has to do that with the understanding that most people attempting sobriety WILL fail several times before they succeed.

 

[Sugarbell]

To stay clean takes work and daily meditation for me.

While my brain and body are healed...I still have triggers..the pressure with moving this summer was a trigger...I have learned to manage it...but become a raging bitch when on stress overload (but a clean/sober bitch).

 

I probably got clean for a few days/weeks dozens of time then relapsing. It was a vicious cycle. My "awakening" with DH was my miracle. Most don't believe me..and I never discuss it IRL.

Anyone who knows how powerful addiction is does believe me though..no rehab, no NA meetings.its about a less than 1 percent success rate to get and stay clean for over a year with no help

I had help..just not in this "earth world"

 

My friends Mom does get counseling on how to deal with her daughter and not be manipulated. She's pretty much accepted that she may not ever see her again alive.

Breaks my heart for them.