twin_mom

My DH has been gone now for 8.5 years. I know I didn't send thank you cards to everybody. I remember trying to work through the list and I think I only got halfway. Every now and then it'll pop in my head that I didn't finish the list and I'll regret not acknowledging the kindness shown to us. Your post has inspired me to pull out the box, find the list that I know I made for myself and at least finish it. Maybe even send others notes of gratitude as well. Thank you.

I believe there's no real "moving on". Yes our lives move forward and we begin to have this whole branch that doesn't involve our loves. But it doesn't mean we moved on. It means we owe it to ourselves and to them to continue living and experiencing and bringing them with us through our memories while we build new ones.

1. Took care of the 17 year old twins that both had wisdom teeth out yesterday. It's like having two infants all over again. God bless all of you who have little kids. I forgot how hard it is mentally! 2. In between being my kids' drug pusher I organized all the pictures from 2004 and 2005. I gathered all the digital pictures from everywhere, put them in one place, organized them by month, uploaded them to our home cloud and then backed them up to a cloud out in the wide world in case my house burns down. I'll at least have pictures of them when they were 1 and 2 years old. 🤣 3. Ummmmm..... haven't really done a third thing today! I didn't even shower! However I do hope to entice said drugged-up twins to eat some ravioli tonight so that'll be my third thing -thinking positive. 😁

1. Took daughter shopping for tees for summer camp- it's good that WV doesn't care that NC is a hotbed of the 'rona right now so she can still go. 2. Helped son get his packed dry bag into a large duffel as he leaves tomorrow for summer camp in FL. Again - good thing that border is still open! 3. Going up to work on some Christmas cards soon!

You can still vent here - I think the point that your original post was just a vent was lost, I interpreted similar to Mike.... Social isolation does suck when you're alone... but I keep telling my kids and myself that this is hopefully the one time in our lives that it's the social expectation to stay home so we should take advantage of it and do something that interests us, explore new hobbies or genre of movies or recipes......

Hi everyone - I'm Mary. My husband died from AML in 2012, 133 days after diagnosis. I was 38, our twins were 9- they just tuned 17 and were so excited for the spring of their junior year but are now stuck home with me. 🤣 I recoupled and got engaged to a great guy 2 years ago, he lives with us.. . but i'm so afraid to get married again because I don't want to be a widow again. I know logically that that's completely crazy and if something happened to him I'd be just as devastated, but emotionally just thinking about it to write that elevates my heart rate.... he's great and says he'll wait for as long as it takes, but i know marriage is important to him. Anyways - I hope you all are hanging in there, this whole situation sucks.

Being okay with death and actively seeking death are two totally different things. Why did he bring up going to heaven - you mentioned homework- mine have said things asking the lines of "if I die right now I'll never have to <fill in blank> again because I'll be having fun in heaven with dad" over the years. My response has usually been something like "but you're not dying right now so go get <fill in blank> done" 😂 While this conversation would probably make many people cringe it is just the fact of our lives. Our children are intimately acquainted with death.

Him starting shaving was such a traumatic day for me!

Congratulations on your baby! I have not had a baby since becoming a widow - but I did have post partum depression after having my twins.... definitely talk to someone (your doctor) about your feelings, they sound very similar, and very normal, to mine!

@DonnaP - wow!! That's so unfortunate. I have the opposite, MIL was trying to marry me off in DH's hospital room - "mom, I'm not dead yet can you at least let my body get cold" 🤣

I got "spoken to" by MIL for not bringing NG with me to celebrate Christmas with her- but he opts to stay home as he's not comfortable going for holidays...

You've come to the right place to release those emotions. We all get it. I've missed so many deadlines to pay for things I have never had asked for so many exceptions in my life!

1. Drove DD all over the place to finish her Christmas shopping. A couple hours into it she turned to me and said "Mom thank you for taking me shopping today I know you had other things to do." While I had lots of other things to do, she's an 11th grader now and is talking about taking a semester at sea for her first semester of of college so who knows when the next time I'll be able to go Christmas shopping with her after next year is. and hopefully she'll have a driver's license for next year so even then I may not be able to take her Christmas shopping. 2. finished up my own Christmas shopping while I was driving DD all over the place. 🤣 3. not actually done yet but hopefully will finish the collar on a sweater for DS that I'm crocheting him for Christmas!

Fuck you SIL.... last year you, yet again, made sure that I knew you didn't consider me and my children (YOUR niece and nephew) part of the family ... but again when MIL needs someone to be with her for a medical procedure you expect me to drop everything and be there (MIL is 95, legally blind, has mobility issues and is sundowning to the point that she keeps asking me why DH doesn't call her anymore but I just took her to the beach for Thanksgiving because SIL hasn't taken her out of the building since putting her in assisted living last year). I made a promise to DH to watch out for MIL, but that doesn't include jumping to your bidding when you make appointments for her that you can't attend, for procedures I don't agree with, when your daughter is geographically closer and is the medical POA!

My kids still hate hearing "I'm sorry for your loss", my daughter especially. She once answered, "He's not lost, he's dead". 🙄 She was 10 at the time. My new answer to death/illness is "that really sucks"- because it does; granted saying that makes me sound young/uneducated, but I think it sums most situations up nicely without using empty platitudes/triggering phrases. I'm glad you found a therapist who has helped you with a path forward.