Life

[2ManyQuestions]

Hello

 

I just thought I would share a bit. I have been a back bencher for a while, I am widowed twice but also been truly blessed twice without a doubt. I have read many posts which I can associate with and I get it. We are all hurting in similar and different fashions, it is nice to see the support each of you have given to others. For me I have bad days and worst days, I share advice (outside this forum) to others but I don’t have the same tool set in my own case. Also I feel like two people, one for everyone else to show I am healing and moving forward yet when I am alone I am someone who is fighting the grief that sometimes consumes me. I have lots of answered questions, moving on will not likely happen but trying to move forward one step at a time. They say greater things may lie ahead but truly I just want what I had. My thoughts often are somewhere else. To share the sunrise and sunset with all that is in between is what I miss. I miss the spirit in her eyes, the sound of her voice, the love in her heart. Life is not fair that is for sure. Life is for the living, we are all heading to the same place it’s what we do in between that counts while we are here. I have looked at the same 4 walls for months and know if I continue in this manner I will rot away. Moving forward is difficult but I’ll bring them along with me on my journey as I know they are watching from another dimension. The love does not end, it continues in a manner that most people don’t understand.

 

I am sure most of you know others who never experience love, in bad relationships, who never truly find their soul mate, how lucky are we to have experienced love. Yes our partner’s lives were cut short and it was not by choice, the ones they left behind carry a burden and we struggle with the lose. They say things happen for a reason, I may never know why or the life lesson this time. I question all my beliefs, trying to figure out who and what I am, tomorrow seems too far away as I am trying to get thru today. Trying to rebuild myself one day at a time. To love and be loved unconditional is awesome. I have no regrets knowing we did not leave anything on the table. Even our happy thoughts now are sad, I get it.

 

Our hearts are broken out souls are lost but we must be kind to ourselves. No matter how hard it is, our loved ones are in our hearts, they give us guidance; we look forward seeing them in our dreams.  Yesterday is part of today and tomorrow.

 

I watch older couples how they are one, for me I believe my destiny is unlikely to experience this part of life, to hold her hand in mine and watch it grow old together. If I had known in advance the outcome, I still would have signed up without a doubt. They impacted my life as I would hope did with theirs. The pain we endure is the price we pay for love. What do I hope to achieve, for me is inner peace.

 

I don’t know what added value I can have on others.

 

I thank you all for sharing your stories.

 

[marjoe]

Thank you for an introspective and, yes, beautiful and thought provoking post. I can indeed relate.

[Callobg]

Great post. I'm sitting here crying because so many of the things that you wrote could have been written by me. I miss my Wife more and more with each passing day, 2 1/2 years later. Our wedding anniversary and her birthday were all last week. I did the linen, made the bed and didn't sleep in it until Monday night. I cooked a big meal and manicured the yard the way that she likes it because I feel that she's watching from another dimension! May be crazy to those that don't get it...I don't care because it got me through last week!

 

Thanks again for a great post.

 

Hugs, love, and sympathy to all of us wids.

 

I love and miss you LSC.

[piecesofapart]

Thank you..your post made my heart hurt a little less...just reading a post from someone who gets it- does a world of good...Wishing you peace...