Monster in law is dying

[Lmsmdm]

I am struggling.... My monster in law has been diagnosed with stage 4 liver and gallbladder...she has been given months....I have not seen or spoken to this monster since the memorial just over 5 years ago.

 

My delema is my niece....poor thing has delt with more death than anyone else I know her age. She has just turned 22... It started with great aunt, great-grandfather, mother, great-grandmother, uncle (my big guy) all before she was 15.

 

She is the sole caregiver as monster in laws sole remaining child is a bigger monster than she is.

 

I have reached out to my niece as I know how hard caregiver job can be, and I want to bring her some homemade frozen dinners. She has suggested I go to monster in laws to deliver. 

 

I am so trying to put my big girl panties on and realize this about my niece and not monster in law....it's just hard.

[Trying]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and especially sorry for your niece.  I think that it is very kind of you to want to do something to support your niece, she is so young to be a caregiver and to have experienced so much loss.  I hope you can find a way to be there for her without compromising the boundaries you have set between you and your MIL.

[Guest TooSoon]

L - I'm just going to say, you are one of the kindest and most generous souls I know.  Give yourself a little break tonight and breathe a bit right now.  Your niece loves you and she knows you love her.  Plus, I know you well enough to know that I can say, cook it now, put it in some sort of container, and freeze it, go to sleep and take it later.  It is the Dutchie way.  You can call me anytime.  Love You!  xx

[Lmsmdm]

Starting to add to my freezer collection. I will be going next week. I have resolved to put my big girl panties on, and go where ever it is easiest for my niece.

 

Thanks guys.

[Nuggets]

When I get caught in there tough spots (you know, where you say 'never' and other definitive words? ) I try to reverse the situation or do the 'What if...' game.

 

What if you didn't make the effort for her or for your niece? 

 

FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing -- if your conscience was struck to do this, some intuition allowed you to put your feelings for Monster-in-law aside and let something else through.  It's a small gesture that produces big results ~ and I'm betting it will be appreciated on the receiving end. 

 

It's not an indicator to drop the guard on your heart; and do not permit anyone to push buttons or drag up hurtful things from the past:

 

'I am here today... and I'll be leaving soon.  Sift through the ashes when I leave if you wish.  Thanks!' 

 

Words to M-i-L can be neutral:  'Hi, XX - it's good to see you see.  I'm sorry you're sick / ill / not well.' 

 

'I'm well, thank you.' 

 

Good luck with this, please come back and tell us how it went.  The good, the bad and the frustrating

[Lmsmdm]

Nuggets, always love your wisdom. I survived, and it was not completely horrible. Although it started off completely awkward, it ended on a positive note. It was very good to see my niece, and meet her new sweetheart.

 

Can't believe I'm saying this, but I may make another drop off in a month or so.

[Lisa]

Youre a good aunt and you have a good heart