sitting on the other side of the couch

[tybec]

I am hoping this community will get it.  Backstory.  I am a kid therapist. 21 years.  Trauma specialty, sexual abuse.  My brother is a marriage and family therapist, prof, and trainer for play therapy, trauma, etc.  He and his wife have the marriage I have always aspired to, and he is 14 years older than me.  So, many of my friends are therapists, psychologists, LCSW, APRNs, etc. 

 

I have lots of support if I choose to access it.  I went to grief groups provided where I used to work.  I share with some of my friends, who happen to be therapists.  WOW.  They try to be helpful and usually are, but sometimes,they say the most DGI things.  Makes me want to find all the folks I treated that maybe I should have apologized to as I was a DGI about lots.  My one friend, a psychologist, will have her 2nd anniversary this month of her DH's death from cancer.  She actually has apologized to me as she thought she understood and now knows she did not.  She had lots of training in grief work as it was hot in the late 80s.  She knows from her experience it didn't hold a candle to dealing with the real thing.

I have appreciated reading others experiences with therapy as I know it can only enlighten me and hopefully make me a better helper.  But, boy, it is just different being on the other side of the couch.  Humbling, gut wrenching, learning in the trenches side of the couch.

[Trying]

This is another reason why it's important for people to write about their experiences so that people who haven't been through it but counsel others can read and get some insight.  Not that it can ever compare to going through it yourself.  This can be said about addiction, abuse, eating disorders or just about anything I would imagine. 

 

I have worked for many years in physical rehab and I'm sure the same thing applies to me, never having had a physical disability myself I know I've made many DGI comments and suggestions.

 

Also, my therapist has never lost a spouse but she nails it 9 times out of 10 and I'm sure you record is pretty great too.

[tybec]

Thanks for the encouraging words, Trying.  I don't know how many times I have thought, "If I knew then what I know now."

[ladybug]

I just want to add my 2 cents to this....It has been many years now since my husband passed away.

 

In the early weeks I looked around my town to find a support group and I did find one.  The lady that was the head of it was very kind and she was understanding....that is to a certain point.

 

My first evening at the group (I had only been a widow for less than a month at that time).....she said to me I was young and pretty and that I would find another mate soon.  I was shocked and very hurt.

 

She still had her husband, so didn't understand what I was going through.  I only went to the group 2 times......she did not get it for sure.

 

No one truly gets it unless they have experienced it also.....only widows really understand what it feels like to be a widow.

 

It is very helpful to have this place.....thank you to all.

[tybec]

Thanks Ladybug, for your comments. I was very fortunate.  The place I worked had a grief group, 6 weeks.  Well, it is for all grief.  The facilitator knew me as I had worked with heer granddaughter at some point. She was a widow at 40, had a teen, tween and baby.  DH had retired from 20 yrs. Army, and they had built their dream home, and started a new life.  He got cancer, and it was short lived.  She told me she came to my DH's funeral, but I would not have known.  She had been there, been through the trials.  Then, all the women in the group were widows or girlfriends. What are the odds?  It was a "good" experience.  Helpful.  But I cried buckets every single session......