Meeting someone

[sikeuritgadeun]

I wish there was an easy way to meet a guy.  The few I've met haven't worked out.  Having coffee with someone or meeting on line hasn't worked for me.  It's been a long time since I dated and I don't go out to bars, online has been a bust, it seems if I'm interested in them their not interested in me and vice versa.  I am happy alone, but it would be nice to find someone to talk and maybe do some things with.  I don't know, just thinking here, I don't know quite how to meet people. 

[SemperFidelis]

Yeah looking back I see how crazy it is the way I met my husband. We were both stinky coffee shop bums, bumming at the same place. We played a game of chess together and that was that. Chess match made in heaven ;-) I consider myself to have been very lucky.

 

Now I met NG online. Don't think I would have met anyone any other way now....the last place I want to be is where there are people lol. Really though I would be clueless how to meet someone. I don't know how it's done. I am just thinking of the married people I know and thinking of how they met:

Online; dated in HS; at a bar; through friends; through work; through church

 

[Virgo]

What about having a friend set you up?

[Guest nonesuch]

People aren't s social in real life as they used to be. The chances of your friend knowing someone in his/her social circle that might be a match, or you aunt who has a friend whose nephew just move to town...that doesn't work any more.

 

I understand your frustration, and I wen through the same thing.  I messaged a few men on dating sites.  Most didn't reply.  Some politely messaged back they didn't think we had enough in common.  One hid his profile when I added him to my favorites list. 

 

I went on about 30 first dates with different men over a three year period.  One fellow I dated for three weeks, one for about three months. I found someone, but it took a while. It's okay to take a break.  In fact, I think it's better to take your profile down periodically and perhaps update it so when you re-activate it, potential dates see something new.

 

We are in the midst  of an election year, if you're in the US.  Your candidate's volunteer office would be a place to meet like-minded folks. 

[sikeuritgadeun]

Thank you all for the advice.  I have very severe social anxiety and I find it hard to get out there these days.  All the friends we had while DH was alive are gone.  I really don't know anyone who could introduce me to a friend.  I am trying not to isolate myself but it's hard.  I  have read that when your not looking that's the time you'll meet someone.  Maybe someday that will happen for me. 

[Guest nonesuch]

I was looking.  For me, though, the more lonely and frustrated I felt, the shittier the profiles I wrote. Really, the neediness shone through.  Once I posted an ad on Craig's list, and within a couple hours a friend emailed and wrote, "You sound lonely,  Want to go to brunch tomorrow?"  Craig's List ads are anonymous, but he read the ad and knew it was me.

 

I do recommend Craig's List. I would open a new, throw-away email address to use with it. (I say that because your current ones that you use a lot may have information that could be used to find you.)  You don't have to respond to anyone.  You will get  few nuts and flakes, some of the the responses will be entertaining, and you will be reminded that other people are coping with loneliness, just like you.  I met my current partner on Craig's List personals.  People say it's dicey, but there are few dating sites that screen their members, anyway.

 

If you have social anxiety, can you force yourself to follow through, if you make plans with someone?

 

Another suggestion: though I haven't done it myself, paint bars are springing up everywhere. Spend an evening sipping wine and going home with a painting might be fun. I'm guessing the classes are small,so you won't have to deal with crowds.