mbanyard Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Hey All, I have come to vent....just a little, as too much will bring me crashing down...again. I have just hit a wall tonight and just need to get it off my chest. (Thanks in advance). Why is it that people just simply cannot follow through? In the past 2 months, I have had piles of people make plans with me and then blow me off at the last minute....none of whom had a good reason at all, like a family emergency or a work issue etc. etc...they just decided they didn't want to go after THEY asked ME. (My favourite was the one who cancelled on me after I was already at the restaurant waiting for them). While I know that the holidays brings challenges for all, and people are all really busy nd stretched very thin, I am frightfully tired of people telling me that they "understand" what I'm feeling, that they "know" it's hard to be alone in the home I shared with my DH during the holidays, that it's "good" for me to have space on my own. Next they'll tell me that it's "awesome" for me to be clinically depressed and "so good" that I have a quiet space to enjoy on my own. (Right up there with the person who told me I was "lucky" that I was able to pay some debts off with the life insurance monies) LUCKY? REALLY? I certainly don't feel "lucky" to be lonely all the time. I don't feel "lucky" that I get to be completely alone for the holidays and I don't feel "lucky" to have the "honour" or "privilege" to have gone through the traumatic death, funeral and cremation of my husband this year. While I can understand that, thank goodness, people don't truly have a frame of reference for what we are all dealing with, but to say a person is "lucky" when they have lost their partner and soulmate seems unusually insensitive and cruel, especially right now with Christmas approaching. I just want to smack all their heads together and tell them all how "lucky" they would be to be in my shoes. (I don't though, as I am sensitive enough to not want to ruin anybody's holiday season....no point in all of us being miserable). There...vent done...thank you for letting me get it off my chest. MB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 All I have to say is ugh, ugh, ugh to these self centered, insensitive clueless people. I am amazed on how tactless people get. I had a divorced mom lump me in with her about some comment about us not having to deal with a husband anymore. Excuse me? I didn't want to get rid of him! I was happily married not on the way to a divorce! Again, insensitive and clueless people. Hugs and patience for having to deal with all of this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbanyard Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 Thanks Julester. I have had 3 divorcees not only group me with them, but expect me to be their counsellor....and during my first major holiday season without my DH. Better still was the "friend" (note the quotes) who compared my current life turmoil and upheaval to being the "same" as when she lost her job. YES>...you did read that correctly. It is nice to know there are people here who "get it" and to whom I can come when I just cannot take it anymore. Thanks for being one of them! MB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Aaaarrrgghh! UNbelievable. Wow. I've had some insensitive remarks, where I want to smack them, but not as bad as some of these! I'm so sorry Wish WE could get together for Christmas. Dreading that Hugs to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbanyard Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 Me too! Oh maybe someday Beth......maybe someday! Thanks folks, MB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowwithbaby Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 mbanyard - yes exactly. The same thing is happening to me. There seems to be nothing like the holiday season to remind me that I am no longer anyone's priority. Family seems to be the worst. And I was thinking the same as Beth. Why aren't we just getting together? This sucks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursula Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 MB, totally understand, go vent!! I did pagelong venting in the 'the most unsensitive things people have said' post. It helps to get it off your chest. Yes, the missing empathy hurts. As if you were not hurting enough as it is.. I am sorry people let you hang there on your own. Why don't you three get together, sounds good. I was at one widowbago and it was great, felt 'at home' . May be a good thing for the Christmas period. Hang in there, you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Yeah, too bad we're so far apart. .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbanyard Posted December 16, 2016 Author Share Posted December 16, 2016 Indeed Beth.....being in upper Canada is a bit of a handicap on my end. At least we can stay in touch this way! M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 And I'm in mid-USA. I don't know how people have survived this. I really don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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