mbanyard

I am going to totally crib some bits from your original post, as I am in the midst of exactly the same thing....and my answer is absolutely YES....YES we can have a great love after our spouse passes, and sometimes it's a stronger love because of everything that has happened. I also knew from the first moment I saw him and talked with him that he was the one. It was like being struck by lightening! We know what the other person is thinking without saying a word and everything is so comfortable all the time. What we share is so special that I now believe in love at first sight and think that my DH sent my wonderful new love to me. and I knew he was the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know I will always love him and miss him. It wasn´t supposed to be like this, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him not just the rest of his. I was also scared that if I met someone new that I would forget and disappoint my love... I was torn and I felt guilty when I initially dated other people. With my NG I don't feel guilty at all and think my DH is smiling down on us....that he would truly love NG. NG is also super respective of DH and would never try to take his place....what he takes is a completely new place in my heart....a place I never even knew was there! I did not want to be alone forever, and know DH would not want me to be alone and lonely either. Now I won't be. I will be cherished and loved. Believe...there is more love out there for all of us and it doesn't diminish what we had with our spouse one bit.

I have done a few things. - The local Music Festival now has a beautiful trophy to present to the kids in the age group that he most enjoyed speaking with from my vocal studio - The local Vocal Festival has a Memorial Scholarship for their competitions - The local Air Cadet Squadron has a Memorial Bursary for a deserving Grade 12 student - My vocal studio has a Memorial Scholarship that students can apply for. I also, this first year, purchased a bunch of season tickets for the National Arts Centre and have been taking kids from my studio for dinner and a show on a rotating basis. I figure this was all a good way to honour the good person he was!

A few weeks ago I posted about being absolutely terrified about joining an online dating site. You all were so generous with your advice and encouragement that I did join. I am VERY glad I did. After some absolutely ridiculous messages, some disgusting ones, and some drinks with some nasty people, I ended up at coffee with a man who is everything I never knew I was looking for....and more. I never thought that I would find happiness after I lost DH, but there seems to be a real possibility that I just waked onto the path of somebody that is going to make me happy for a very, very long time to come. so...thank you!

LOL...thanks This is excellent advice. I have set it and made it non committal sort of thing. (I live in Ottawa, so we have the largest Skating rink in the world...the Rideau Canal....so we're going skating) It seems safe enough and really, this NG DOES KNOW the entire situation and has already said he's quite content to move at whatever speed makes me comfortable...so it is pretty safe and gentle as a first step. I guess I'm freaked out because it IS a solid acknowledgement that my DH is never coming back and I need to move ahead. Thanks for your insight, MB

Hi All, So.....I did it...I joined a dating site at the 6 month mark. Do I feel like I'm ready to not be alone any more? Yes Do I feel like my DH would want me to try to move forward? Yes Have I met and chatted with somebody who I am interested enough to meet? Yes So why am I having such a hard time in setting a meeting for a drink or a coffee? He knows the whole deal and has said that he is more than willing to take things at my pace...so why am I terrified of setting that first meeting? Has this happened to any of you? Any advice for how I get the courage to make this step? (I have NEVER dated in my entire life - my DH and I were introduced, had dinner with other people, then we just were) Thanks in advance for your wisdom, as I don't want to drive this guy away as he is pretty well exactly what I'm looking for in a partner.

I also hit six months this month and I also hit a low spot and couldn't even fathom wth was happening. I think we do buy into the bullshit about it getting better as time moves on, but I think there will always be things that bring us to our knees along that path as well. I am already planning with my friends for major distraction on his birthday in March, as I know it'll be a REALLY low point amongst the days - which have been good mixed with mediocre and some terrible lately. All we can do is to give ourselves permission to fall off the horse, provided we get back up again...if that makes sense at all. I certainly find it encouraging to know that others are in the same spot as I am. Thank you all for that.

Not my DH birthday, but today is the 6th month mark, so I also had a tough day. I'm there with you ladies.

I am at 6 months, today actually. I had another episode of just those feelings last week again. I think it's normal for where we are to feel like this occasionally, if you are feeling like this continually, please, PLEASE speak to your doctor about some assistance from a counsellor. (I did and it helped a great deal) My thoughts are with you. Hang in there, you're not alone!

Funny that you should say this about the Phoenix, as my CD that I am working on (1 of two actually) is called "The Phoenix" for the same reason You folks amaze me and I am so lucky to have people who understand to speak to! MB

I did too. You're right...people don't understand, but I really don't need them too either. Do what you feel is right for you....and don't worry about what another soul thinks of it! MB

THIS is it EXACTLY. This is exactly how I've been feeling and I've been terrified to do anything about it. (I even started to make an online profile and deleted it) It's a scary place to be, for sure. I'm glad I'm not alone....but boy oh boy this part is really hard too! MB

Good question...wish I also knew the answer. I feel ready, as I'm comfortable in my aloneness. My issue is that I've never actually dated...like ever. I met my DH when I was in high school and we were together for 25 years. I don't know how to date, I know nothing about dating sites, and I work a lot so the "bar scene" is really not my bag. Ugh.....I HATE that this is even necessary, but I also HATE the idea of being alone for half my life. Frig! As if I need anything else to deal with. MB

Canadian here....in suburb of Ottawa.

Thanks Maureen. Just having you rephrase like that puts it in perspective for me. I think the plan I have in place right now (to try to expand my private music teaching and supplement with adjudicating and clinical work might be the way to go after all) Thank you for showing me a different perspective (I did leave my employment, which was in the law field, was so that I could take the time to try to heal enough to function while not leaving my employers in the lurch, as it were) Have a great week....I am going to try to do the same, Misty

I seem to be going through a really confusing time right now and I think I'm both flailing and kind of stuck, both professionally and emotionally.. I was working for people who were "not nice" (Understatement) after my DH died suddenly last July and while I did try to stick it out I finally resigned in early November as the stresses being imposed were not allowing me to cope with his passing and get a real handle on everything that had happened, everything that had to be done, and planning for what my foreseeable future might entail. I am now almost 6 months out and feel like I'm ready to move forward in some way, but have no idea how to do that. Though I resigned my full time daytime job, I have maintained my second job (evenings) where I teach privately, but it will not be enough income long term to sustain me. I do not want to get back to the point where I' working all day and all night with no time for anything else, or anybody else. (Let's face it, I will likely date eventually and need some time for that too.) The big issue I face is that my previous employers have done all they could to ensure that I cannot get a job in the same field as they've told people I am unstable and unreliable "because I quit." They are also not going to give a good reference if they are contacted, because they feel I left them "high and dry" despite giving more than the legally required notice period. With the savings I have put away, I can take 6 months to figure things out, get things done, get used to being alone in our home and just "be", however I'm a high energy person who needs to be busy and feel like a productive member of society (is that stupid?). Anybody have suggestions for moving through this quagmire? I am feeling like I'm stuck in a position where I'm eventually not going to have enough income to live and I cannot get anything part time in my field because of what my previous employers are, subtly, touting around the city. I am just stuck....and cannot see a way out at the moment. MB