Introducing myself

[libster093]

Hello,

My husband passed suddenly on November 18, 2016, at age 50. We still have pending on cause of death, as he died at home while the boys and I were at school and after school activities. Waiting on toxicology, which could show something, or not.

I have two boys, one in grade 12 and the other in grade 10. I think this is harder on them than it is on me. I don't feel so much sadness as I do guilt and anger. Sometimes I feel sad because I'm tired and instead of doing 95% of stuff 95% of the time, I'm doing everything. Then I feel guilty about asking my teens to help more. LH was sick and on disability and depressed for most of the last ten years, so I don't know how that's affecting my grief process. I was kind of checked out from being married, I guess. Part of me feels like I have been given a new opportunity on a new path, and part of me is wishing that I could go back and work harder on my marriage. When I feel like I have a new chance at life ( I'm 41), I still feel guilty, like I'm betraying  LH's memory.

Not sure what else to add, but hoping for support as I make this journey with my kids.

Thanks,

L

[beth_krkswidow]

Hi Libster,  Welcome, and so sorry that you are now one of us.  I don't really have any words of advice, as everyone's path is different; and no path is right or wrong.  I'm thinking that perhaps your Widow Brain is not allowing you yet to process the magnitude of your grief, plus you having to put all the energy into your boys.  You have come to the right place, that is all I know for sure.  One step at a time..