Step dad rights??? I'm confused

[zachsdad]

Hi there,  ty for understanding where we are.

OK so I am 40, lost my wife of 12 yr lover and friend of almost 14yrs on 1/3/2017. Between us we have two wonderful, yet challenging sons. My ss 16, diagnosed with asphergirs, and our biological son 11, Which was diagnosed with mid spectrum autism at 4 or 5.

I love them both equally,  my sson and I hadn't seen eye to eye on every thing so at times he was aloud to run to his aunt to cool off, but what was really happening was she was undermining my authority. She would believe him over anyone even my wife. So for 13yrs I was always the bad guy, and she always was better than we were. Because of my W health we were always going to dr or er. I was always trying to do my best to raise the boys, take care of my W,  work full time if possible, sleep, and make an attempt at romance. And any time I was asked to do favor for SILs I did the best I could. And still SIL shows no respect to me what so ever. She even started showing SSon that he could disrespect me and get away with it.  At one point in our lives SIL convinced W that if something happens to W that SSon should go live with her. Nothing is in writing, and I am open to allow if that is what he wants. However, there's another S, and his feelings to consider.  They have been taking care of each other a lot more this last year, and it's confusing my BS why his mom is gone, and not even 2 weeks later he has no big brother. I've got BS going to the counselor at school, I justdon't know what else to do. Both of them have birthday this month, I am not letting my S down, we are going to be at my SSon party tomorrow because that is the most normal part of life for them, having b-day parties for each other, with family. Do I have any rights to visitation of SSon even if it is just so my S gets to be with his brother?? Would it make this worse? I just want best for my boys.

 

 

[twin_mom]

I think you need to talk to a custody attorney in your state to determine who is your SS's legal guardian at this point. It's not just who he lives with, but who gets to make medical decisions, who receives the social security checks, etc- ie a lot of legal things to close on.

 

My stepdaughters are adults, but it's been tough over the last 4 years since dh's death to maintain the relationship between then and my children (who were 9 when he died). Now at 13 the older girls communicate directly with the twins, but they don't have any where as close a relationship as they would if he hadn't died. And that's okay, they're toxic and always have been....

[zachsdad]

Ty, for reply, I was beginning to wonder if I did this chatting thing right. I have been thinking about all that. And I know I have rights to have him, but I can't make him. I am still going to pursue visitation rights though for my son's sake. It's been the two of them helping each other out for awhile now and my s misses him so much. I just wanted to make every one happy. But I have been second guessing myself a lot lately.