Friends in a time of need

[OSAAT]

I was fortunate after J died to have a house full of friends. They brought me food, cried with me, brought me cards, talked about him, sat in my kitchen while I slept on the couch to make sure I was ok. At his one year saddiversary, these friends came over (about 30+) to spend time with me. 2 of these friends currently have some big stuff going on. My one friend lost her youngest son on Saturday (her effin birthday of all days). This same friend has been battling cancer the last 4 years. She still looks sick, chemo sick. Honestly, I am not sure how long she will live. In the middle of this, her son dies unexpectedly. She is the kindest person you would ever meet. She says she wishes it was her instead of him and she feels so powerless. I can relate to sudden, unexpected death, but not loss of a son. I feel a bit out of sorts. I feel so bad for her. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take her pain away, but I want to be there for her.

 

My other friend, my best friend, called yesterday with news of cervical cancer. Ahhhh. I had an awful headache and did not know how to respond. I just said oh honey, i love you. I am not familar with cancer, but dumb me googled it. Her symptoms indicate per cancer.org that the cancer has spread. I just am not sure what to make of all this, I guess that is why I am sharing. I have some hefty stuff going on in my personal life and it always seems that many things hit at one time.

[patriciad]

I am so sorry your friends are going through such difficult times.  Their situations are so sad and must leave you feeling rather helpless.  I think when you don't know what to do, just be there.  It is sometimes the best and only thing we can do but I am sure for both, it would be appreciated.

(((Hugs)))) to you.

Pat

[Sugarbell]

When I am on overload...I did to first use logic instead of emotion.

 

Your friend who just lost a child and has been battling cancer for 4 years...needs to come first. The loss of a child has got to be beyond heartbreaking..she needs support and you don't know how long she will live.

 

The friend who was just diagnosed with cervical cancer....be there...but I have several friends who were diagnosed with cervical cancer on there 20s (darn HPV virus that spread).. it is curable. Tackle it when/if it gets worse. I just lost a long distance BF for melanoma...but the first year when it was in the earlier stages and she was working..I was hopeful she could beat it as was she. This past year...when it was stage IV I was there for her.

 

You can only do what you can do. (((((hugs)))

[Mr C]

There is certain degree of comfort with being able to be with someone who understands such great loss, even if the circumstances are a little different. The person that I got the most comfort in visiting, after losing my wife, was a friend that had lost a teenage child tragically within the prior year. We were able to talk about whatever came to mind without feeling judged or crazy. We also got to share stories about my wife and her child. As a newbie, it really helped me to be able to sit with someone who got it. She seemed to enjoy the visits as well.

[lcoxwell]

Sadly, it does seem that so often the bad things hit all at once, and it is so unfair.  I am truly sorry that you have so much going on in you personal life, and I am so sorry for what your friends are going through.  There are just no words adequate enough to make things better for any of you, but know that we are here, and we are listening, any time you need to at least let it out.

 

As far as your friends go, just be there for them.  You don't have to have the right words, and you don't have the ability to take the pain away.  What you can do, though, is to stand by their sides, to pat their hands, to listen to them, to cry with them, to help them in any way that you can.  Sometimes, the greatest gift a friend can give, is to just sit and say nothing at all.