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patriciad

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  • Date Widowed
    4/28/09
  • Cause of death
    lung cancer

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  1. I so often think of what life would have been like if Billy had lived. He has missed so much. We were supposed to grow old together. He was supposed to be here for our sons. I feel so bad that he has missed enjoying them as adults. Ten years has flown by but in some ways it feels like yesterday. I don't think I will ever stop missing him. Sigh.
  2. I remember his kind and wise words-always there to offer comfort. I am so sorry for your loss.
  3. i started checking out online dating sites at about 10 months out. I was getting the "push" from friends and I figured I would dip my feet into those murky waters. I had never dated as an adult-met my DH when I was 19. I had a few dates and nothing sparked my interest but it was nice to know that I could go out on a date and hold up my end of the conversation. It really wasn't as difficult as I had imagined it would be. At 13 months, I was on a new dating site and a man emailed me. We hit it off right away and will be celebrating our 6 year wedding anniversary on Sunday. We had 6 kids (youngest 16 and oldest 26-all at home) and a dog and somehow we blended it all together. I always knew that I would be open to dating and settling down again. I think the cloud was slowly lifting when I met my new DH. I knew I was ready when the idea of it didn't totally freak me out anymore. This adult dating is not for the weak ones. LOL Good luck Pat
  4. My husband was buried and there is room for me in the plot. That being said, when I remarried I remember my new mother in law asking my new husband "What are you going to do about burial arrangements when you die? Who do you go with?" My DH doesn't miss a beat and said" Not gonna be my problem. I will be dead". Then we had a conversation about it and decided that we will opt for cremations and half goes with first spouse and half goes with the second. I think it is more important to my children than to me as they will have one resting place for their parents. No rules to this game but I kind of understand your fiancee. Maybe this would be a good solution for you too. Pat
  5. I rarely post but had to respond. I was in a similar boat in that getting married would affect mine and future husband's finances. I was 53 and he was 56 when we "tied the knot". We were both widowed and decided not to get married in the eyes of the law as it would mean neither of us would be able to collect our spouse's social security at age 60 if we so decided to do that. I would lose my late husband's health insurance that covered me and my disabled son. We decided to get engaged and have our own celebration of love. We had a non denominational minister preside over the most lovely ceremony. Our children(all grown but still at home) were part of that. We had about 50 people-our family, friends-even inlaws from our first marriages. Those who attended had seen us through the saddest times of our lives and they truly were celebrating our union. My husband is now 62 and collecting social security from his late wife (he is semi retired). I will be 60 this year and will consider retiring in the next year or 2 and collecting my late husband's social security. We can get married in the eyes of the law the day after my birthday and not lose social security but I doubt we will do that. To answer your questions: 1) It is your own business 2)I call my husband my husband. Our Christmas cards come addressed as Mr and Mrs. 3) I would feel that you are smart for thinking everything through but still wanting to celebrate your love with those nearest and dearest to you. 4)Me 5) I believe this wonderful man is my husband. 6) Before we were married, he was my boyfriend and then my fiancé. Guess you could go for companion or my best friend. I don't believe there are a lot of rules when it comes to this widowhood thing. Do what works for you. As the wise Dr. Seuss once said "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Good luck Pat
  6. Congratulations Maureen! I just know you are going to be such an inspiration to these young minds. Good luck Pat
  7. I love Mitch Albom's books. That is a powerful quote. I am reading his book "The First Phone Call From Heaven". Another good quote from him related to this whole grieving process that is in this book- "You have to start over. That's what they say. But life is not a board game, and losing a loved one is never really "starting over." More like "continuing without." It jumped out at me-had to share.
  8. Yes. For me it is my eldest son. I have three grown sons but the eldest is his father to the bone. The mannerisms, his smile, all the things he does. I see him now with his girlfriend ,who I know will someday be his wife, and I think of how much they remind me of me and Billy when we were young. I smile but there is a bittersweetness to it all.
  9. I have been with new DH for 7 years-5 of them married. I met him one year after my DH died. I have felt very blessed to have found such a wonderful man. BUT...I still miss my DH. He was my first. My kids' dad. We grew up from 19 and 21 year olds to adults together. And despite how blessed I feel I am amazed at how much I still miss him each and every day. Yup...I am living two lives.
  10. I am just a few years behind you and I say "Yes, you are definitely inspirational to the new wids". Doesn't seem like that long ago when all I wanted was to know that I would survive this. I was lost without my other half and wondered if I would ever feel complete again. These are things that I believe many new widows and widowers confront. It was always nice to see people finding happiness or normalcy after tragedy. I am sure that your post has helped many. Glad to hear that you are OK. Pat
  11. I so get it. I have been widowed for almost 8 years and I remarried 4 years ago. I only got on Facebook about a year ago and I noticed that my stepdaughter posts on her mom's birthday and day of death but my kids and my stepson don't really do anything. My niece(new husband's niece who lives with us) posts pics of her deceased dad on significant days. I kind of took my cue from my new DH. He doesn't post pics of his first wife. He will say "Did you see the pic DD posted?". So I don't post pics, although I look at the boxes of photos all the time. It is funny, this Facebook thing. I am Facebook friends with many of my first husband's boyhood buddies-the ones we hung out with when we first started dating back when I was only 19. Occasionally they will post a pic from the old days and it brings me such joy to know that they haven't forgotten him. That they think about him sometimes with a smile. Hate this widow crap. Pat
  12. Could always do the "for as long as we both shall live". Lots of words with the same meaning. Just go with what feels good to you. Pat
  13. My second husband's birthday is the day that my first husband and I got married. It was kind of weird at first. When he told me his birthday all I could think is that there are 365 days in the year and his birthday had to be "our day". But...I got used to it. I had celebrated the day for 25 years and found myself celebrating once again with new DH. I still think, on that day, of all the years when we would pull out our wedding album and play Lionel Ritchie singing "Truly" and celebrate us. I realize your situation is a bit different in that the day is one of the saddest for you. It has been 7 years for me and the death day has gotten a bit easier(and then there are other times that are just hard for no reason). I would be very open with your guy about this. Talk and talk and then talk some more. I do have to say that once I got over the initial shock of the his birthday I took it as a sign that my DH had sent me that this was the one. Corny -yes. But you know how you just look for things or want things to be there. Pat
  14. Congratulations to all of you! Such a beautiful family.
  15. MrsT85-you both look so happy! Congratulations Pat
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