no more giving myself ultimatums

[arneal]

Thank you, Mizpah, for trusting us. Something my LH once said about trusting and love: it's like opening your chest and allowing someone to hold your heart in their hands whilst trusting them not to crush it and harm you. Add to that another word of wisdom from my friend/little brother I never had: dating and recoupling is so junior high  ;D :

 

I hear you about not being second best. I would dare say if after having LW he's chosen to be with you, that you aren't second best ... that you are different and first best in your space like LW was different and first best in her space. I think I shared that I read dating and relationship information and one thing I read a while ago was about the notion of a soul mate -- do we get just one. The commentator wrote no, otherwise basically people would never separate or divorce and if a partner died, the other partner would never be able to recouple.

 

And as far as being wanted for you, not because of obligation -- hell, yeah! Jokes aside, the issue there is having the conversation about it and being ready to move forward should the answer not be what you are hoping for. If he says he's in it for all of you and because he wants to be with you, there it is. If he says he's in it for obligation, there it is. You then have the knowledge and can decide whether you believe that he is there for you and leave it go or if he's in it for the obligation, you can decide your next moves. Not easy in any case, but better to know than eat yourself from the inside out not knowing.

 

{{{hugs mightily}}}