Sometimes I just want to say WTF **beware - long, long, long**

[Gabzmom]

My DH has a sister whom is/has been estranged from the family for many years and for many reasons. A couple of months after DH's death, she had called our priest to find me (she had seen the obituary from her town and was HOT because his brother chose not to include her in the obit). Our priest had told her she was recognized both in the program and local obituary. He asked me if I could send her copies, which I did. I sent them from work as I didn't want her to have my personal contact information.

 

The sister (I will call her Jane) was seeking to reunite with her brothers (the ones Rob was raised with) and to have my daughter meet her and the "other side of the family," which included 3 half siblings. Jane had told our priest that the boys were not abandoned by their mother, (let's call her Rhonda). I told him I was surprised as no one ever indicated she had abandoned them (I had made a few connections on my own). My husband's dad was awarded custody of my husband, his brothers and sister when his parents divorced - my husband was about a year old. I think that Jane chose to live with her mom and was back and forth I think. My husband's dad (I will call him Jack) later married Mary (not her real name), whom DH considered his mother, when DH was about 4. I told our priest  that there are always two sides to every story and the truth may likely be somewhere in the middle. I also told him that he and his brothers felt no connection to the three half siblings that came along nor had they maintained a connection with his Jane, Rhonda (bio-mom) and her family. (It was sad for me because family is such a big thing for us)

 

I bristled at something our priest said - I think it was something about Jane saying Jack (husband's dad) had filled the boys' heads with lies. I told our priest that the next child Rhonda had was almost 18 months younger than DH. I find it hard to believe that Jack filled the boys with lies since she left and started a whole new family. It appears to me that Rhonda was in a relationship with someone else while he was still very much a baby. I told our priest that if he wanted to facilitate a reunion, then go for it but to count me out. I also told him I had no desire to establish a relationship with Jane and her siblings at the time because my concern was about my daughter's healing. Jane had drifted in and out of our marriage early on. We finally just let it all go and hadn't heard from her since about the late 90's as she had many of her own personal issues she is dealing with. So no - I did not want to introduce my daughter to virtual strangers at the time of her greatest sorrow.

 

Well, yesterday, I got an email at work through my work website. Jane was sending a note requesting that I contact the other part of the "super seven." Her mother is in hospice. I told her I would reach out to her brothers and let them know. I also expressed my sorrow regarding her mother's illness.

 

His brothers were both sad yet cold in their response and indicated no interest in reaching out to her. I feel sorry for Jane as she wants so much for them to be one big family. I had asked DH once early on in our marriage about bio-mom (and yes, that is what he called her). He said he felt how one would feel about a long lost aunt. He didn't really know her. I was sad about that thought as I could not conceive how someone could leave her baby. Yet - who knows what happened. Who knows?

 

I mentioned the email to my daughter - she knows of Jane and Rhonda's existence and I mentioned the half sibs. She said she was sorry Rhonda was gravely ill but she was not interested in meeting the half sibs or Jane. While my daughter is young, I felt there was no need to keep anything secret at this time (I hadn't heard back from her since the contact 2 1/2 years ago).  If in the future she chooses to reach out, then I leave that to her. 

 

Sigh?I think I just needed to release this and get it out of me. Whew?

 

[Lisa]

Sad but sounds like you and your daughter are doing  the right thing. You need to care for yourselves not these other people.

[Guest look2thesky]

My gosh, and I thought I had in law shenanigans going on.

I would steer totally clear. An email ? Wow that's personal ?

I would send an email back :

 

Dameon @ "your web carrier"

Returned email : fatal error undeliverable

 

It usually does the trick.