I don't know how you do it.

[robunknown]

 

Ohhh, the phrase of some people who have no idea what else to say when they see me with my son. I hear it now, as my DW and I heard it while dealing with her cancer.

 

I admit, my first thought is, "What you don't think I am a capable enough person?" But I quickly make myself realize that these people are looking at what could be characterized as one of their worst nightmares, and it is not a reality they want to even ponder for themselves. They are just trying to sympothize.

 

I usually brush the statement off with, "We're doing good. We are figuring it out." Because usually the people asking it aren't really close to me anyways.

 

But if anyone close of enough said that to me (they must be smart enough not to), I would tell them what I heard a cancer patient say about that phrase, it was something like, "It's not like I can wake up in the morning and say I'm not going to deal with it."

 

I mean lets face it there are days my motivation is:

1) If i don't feed the cats, they won't stop meowing

2) If I don't feed the kid, he won't stop complaining

3) I have to pay the bills because I don't want to deal with the kid complaining as we sit in the rain, homeless (OK, a bit of Exaggeration)

4) If I don't go to work I won't have money to do 1-3

5) If I don't send the kid to school he won't amount to much and he will be stuck living with me until I'm gone, and I'll be complaining the whole time.

 

So some days I "do it" because I don't want to be hastled anymore. lol

 

 

[mmg19]

I think you gave a stellar answer when you said we're figuring it out.  You must be doing a superior job because my guess is you are being paid a compliment. 

 

Looking back over the past 1.5 years, many comments were made by people who truly care but at the time I could not respond without feeling they did not know what they were saying.  As we figure it out we also become more confident in our own abilities and more emphatic toward all DGI comments.  For 6 months I struggled and your words resonated with me.  Looking back I realize I had so much help from friends and family.  I wasn't the only one grieving. 

 

Just take "I don't know how you do it" as a compliment and keep moving forward.  ((Hugs)) to you and your son.

[smabify]

My reply is always "I don't know either, but I do what I have to do."

 

I find it shuts people up pretty quick.