Still can't talk about it

[HeidiH]

I just passed the 1 1/2 year mark and I still start to tear up when I have to tell someone new to me that my husband passed away, especially when talking about the how (motorcross accident).  Luckily yesterday, I held it in and the tears did not flow, especially since it was at the beginning of a busy school day.  After getting through the telling, the other teacher told me that since her husband is not home each day until about 8pm, our lives are kind of the same.  What??  I understand that we both struggle with the after school activities and transportation of kids here, there, and everywhere, but at least her husband does come home at some point.  So, basically after I nearly cried talking about it to someone new, I switched gears to pissed off. I guess this is just another example of the emotional roller coaster that we all ride.  Thanks for letting me vent here. 

[Carey]

I have to believe that people are not intentionally that dense.  It's just that this is an unfathomable thing to them so they compare it with what they know ... and they miss the mark every single time.  Every now and then I still run into someone who knew Chad who doesn't know he died and you're right, the retelling is hell. Makes it fresh to us all over again. I'm at almost that exact time frame myself, my husband died on 11/23/13.  Im glad you found this board.  You can always feel free to express yourself here, as bad as it is that we have reason to be here, it's a lifeline to have this safe place where you know, at least here, these people DO get it. 

[SoVerySad]

I'm sorry, Heidi. I guess she was trying to make some connection in a way that she might have some similarity to your life. Yet, those who make those comments don't realize they end up magnifying all the ways our lives aren't the same. Yes, she shuffles kids herself in the evening, but that is such a small aspect of what we lost.

 

I am now a month over 2 years and have noticed that I can now occasionally pull off telling someone without tearing up.

 

Sending you hugs...

[BrokenHeart2]

Vent away Heidi. It sure is a roller coaster isn't it.

Tight hugs

[Jen]

I think I shock some people with how matter-of-factly I can tell it now. Then I feel bad, thinking they think I must be a terrible uncaring person, just to lay it all out: "Yeah, my husband turned 40 and dropped dead three days later. Pulmonary embolism. It sucks." The price I pay for that casual announcement, though, generally comes minutes to hours later, when I lock myself in the bathroom or in my bedroom and sob until I can't breathe.

 

People keep telling me it gets better. I hope so. Hugs to you...

[lcoxwell]

I have absolutely no problem, whatsoever, with talking about it, not even for a moment. He fought a good fight for over thirteen years, to hang on for me; and I have no problem acknowledging the fact that he did all he could, but it was time for him to let go. Of course, when I tell new people, I can sense their discomfort, as they give me the awkward looks we all recognize and fumble for words of comfort that are so inadequate, given all I have been through. So very often, I then find myself in a strange role reversal, where I end up comforting them, when they don't have the right words; and I am somehow making them feel better, by telling them how he was ready to let go and that dying was what he wanted, after suffering for so long.