Lack of stability for the little one?

[mo12]

I'm dealing with having to move again at the end of June.  The landlord of the place we're renting wants to do major renos so has given all the tenants notice.  Actually we don't really have to leave this place until the fall, but I plan on going home (back to the home I shared with DH) for the summer to see friends and get some work done on the house since the current renters are moving out... so it doesn't make sense to pay rent all summer if we're going to be away then have to move as soon as we get back.  Along for the ride is my 16 month old daughter. 

I still want to stay in my hometown for at least another year, maybe longer- my parents are here and they help out. But my new/old city (my hometown that I moved back to after DH died) is horribly competitive rental market.  When we first moved back it was super stressful to find a place- everything's so expensive, no one seems to want to rent to families/ a single mom, and having lost my pretty damn near perfect life/ husband/ home, it sucked.  Ideally I find another place in the neighbourhood- DD's daycare is nearby, and my work isn't far either.  But what if I can't find a place in the neighbourhood?  Do I try to get DD into a different daycare (usually long waitlists, so might be a useless endeavour) or drive the extra distance to keep her in the same place? Do I stay in the same area and settle for a basement suite (I find basement suites depressing, not a good idea for me to be underground)?  I guess I just worry about stability for her- we have been back and forth between our "home" where we lived with DH (she was only 2 months old when he died) and here a few times, and this will be the second move since "the big move" back to my hometown. I've applied for co-op housing which I think would be great, but who knows how long the waitlist is.  I'm finally at a place where I'm enjoying some things in life but damn it's a hell of a lot harder since DH died.  I just don't want to screw her up!

[Kealoha]

Mo12, you are not alone in this.  Moving is definitely stressful esp when the timeline is not really your choice.  We're in a very similar situation-- lucky to have family support but also trying to juggle a lot of changes in location and logistics in one of the most expensive real estate/rental markets in the country.  DD is a toddler too, and I have the same concerns about  longer term impact on her.

 

I am still not very far out but some of the advice I received has been helpful as I work through all this.  At this age kids don't remember much, just the love coming from you.  Make sure you are in tbe best place for you to be able to provide that.  Kids are very adaptable and resilient.  Please take with a grain of salt as I am still in the widow fog, but even so this resonated with me and helped to calm my anxiety.

 

Also what helped me to make decisions all my life was to analyze, but also trust my instinct.  Sometimes I pretend to make a decision one way and live with it for a few days to see how it feels.

 

In any case, the fact that you are worried shows that you are a great mom.  Parents in general worry about this and being a solo parent compounds it, but we are not alone in our concerns either.  Trust in yourself to make the right decisions for your family.  Sounds like you have done an amazing job already. 

 

Big hugs and I hope you find a place that works for you.

 

[mo12]

Thanks Kealoha. Yes, I need to take a step back and remember what's most important for her. I don't want to choose the first place that comes along just because it's stressful to be looking for a place.  I don't know your story but I wish you the best- the early widow fog sucks sucks sucks. I haven't used the messaging on this site yet but I did on the old one- send me a message anytime.